Marry Me
Song of Solomon 2:8-17; 3:1-5
All right. I couldn't find a 80s one to use for this title, but it's a good one: "Marry Me" by Train. Take your copy of God's Word and turn to chapter 2 of the Song of Solomon. Last week, I had a church member who is in his 80s tell me, "I've never heard a sermon series from the Song of Solomon." I told him, "Had I not announced it beforehand, you would have never heard it from me."
It's a tough and difficult book, but it's very practical and applicable to relationships before and after marriage. I chose the song "Marry Me" because the passage we're looking at is set in a time just days from a wedding. You could say the man has proposed. He and the woman are in a courtship relationship. I want you to look at some of the words of the song "Marry Me" by Train.
"Forever could never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you. Forget the world now. We won't let them see, but there's one thing left to do. Now that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way. Marry me, today and every day. Marry me." And then there's this phrase: "If I ever get the nerve to say, 'Hello,' in this café…"
Has anybody seen the video? I was going to play the video, but I thought the waitress in the video could have worn a little bit more clothing. I wouldn't want to get any emails, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I realized it's a beautiful song, but then he hasn't even said, "Hello," to the woman, but he's ready to marry her.
I thought, "That really shows a societal problem we have. We do not take marriage seriously enough." People make commitments to people they really don't know. Let me give you an example of that. In our society today, we take dating more seriously than we take marriage. I'm looking at my daughter when I say this.
Let me give you an example of that. I know some of y'all are going to be upset. This is just my opinion and observation, so if I upset you, remember it's just the pastor's opinion and observation, okay? When did we start treating asking someone to the prom like we're asking them to marry us? When did that start happening…where it's almost as if we're proposing to them?
Whatever happened to, "Hey, will you go to the prom with me?" "Sure." I think it's really indicative of our society. We're taking dating way too seriously, and we're not taking marriage seriously enough. The couple who is in this love song in God's Word, the Song of Solomon, is taking the relationship seriously. In fact, they're in love, and they have every intention to get married, but they're not rushing the relationship.
You could say there is an element of courtship. I started watching the Duggars with my DVR. They have the right idea. I think we're going to take the Duggars' plan, the whole courtship thing, for my girls. It's really a biblical idea. That's what we have in these first three chapters: a couple who are intending to get married, but during this time they're getting to know each other.
We've watched how they take pleasure and delight in each other, who the other person is. They are expressing value, worth, to one another. They're building one another up with creative compliments. More importantly, even though at times they're expressing the intimate desire for one another… In fact, at this point it's really the woman, and my wife pointed this out. My wife had the wonderful privilege of sitting under Tommy Nelson.
He was doing a sermon series while he was her pastor, and in that series he correctly pointed out that in the first three chapters, it is the woman expressing her desire to be with the man intimately. They get married, and guess who's expressing after that? Not the woman; it's the man. You'll see that in the text. She has been expressing her desire to be with her man, but they understand there is a right place and a right time, and they control their God-given passions for the sake of purity and, ultimately, for the glory of God.
In our passage today, they're just days away from getting married. The wedding takes place in verses 6-11 of chapter 3, then the honeymoon takes place in chapter 4, and then consummation takes place in verse 1 of chapter 5. I don't know how I'm going to preach that. I may just skip right over the honeymoon and let you fill in the blanks. How's that? Yeah. You just have your own blanks, okay?
I want you to see something from this couple, because in my opinion, there are really two decisions you'll make in life that are important. First, and this is the most important decision you'll make in life, is the decision to follow Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. No doubt about it, that is the most important decision anybody will make.
The second most important decision a person will make (and that's why I say our society doesn't take this seriously enough) is in regard to the person they want to spend the rest of their life with in marriage. You can almost look at these verses as them courting each other and getting to know each other. They have every intention to get married, but until you say, "I do," there is always time to get out of that relationship. Let's look at what characterizes this relationship before they say, "I do."
1. True love communicates through actions and deeds. We see the man's actions in verses 8-9. This is the voice of the woman, but notice how she describes her man. She says, "The voice of my beloved!" When you're in love, you can always tell the difference between your lover's voice and other voices. She says, "Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice."
Now what we see here on her part is anticipation. She's in tune with her man. In fact, I think they're both in tune with each other, because at this point they're getting to know each other. They're very transparent, and they're sharing their background. They're sharing some of the things they've experienced in life, and they're very open about what they have experienced in life.
So she's in tune with her lover, she anticipates his actions, and she knows from his actions that he loves her. His actions communicate love. You see, actions speak louder than words, right? Notice the excitement on the part of the man. She hears his voice, and then she says, "Oh, there he is, leaping over the mountains!" That's excitement! He can't wait to get to her house.
"I can't wait to see my woman!" He's not ashamed. You see, his actions say he loves her, he appreciates her, and he has affection for her. His actions say he wants to be with her and he wants to get to know her better. I remember when Christy and I first started dating. She lived in Denton, Texas, and I lived in Dallas.
We didn't have texting back then. I didn't even have a cell phone until 1998. Yeah. My daughter was born, and then we got a cell phone. We didn't have texting. When we got married, we got email. We had Juno. Does anybody remember Juno? Remember dial-up? Yeah. Boy, have we come a long way. Praise God. We didn't have social media. We couldn't Snapchat (and I don't think you should anyway), so we got on the phone.
I remember nights of just staying on the phone, and I can't remember if she fell asleep or if I fell asleep, but there would be nights when we would talk and talk and talk. Then, of course, we wanted to talk to each other during the day. We wanted to hear each other's voice. Now she can't even get me to stay in the kitchen. "You stay in the kitchen and listen to me, okay?"
We were in love, and we wanted to get to know each other. That's what's happening here. I want you to see the greatest exhibition of his love for his woman. How did she know that he loved her? Look at verse 9. "My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice."
He's at her house, and he's not a Peeping Tom. He is showing respect and restraint for his girl. You see, he doesn't want to go outside of the will of God in this relationship. He doesn't want to move ahead too fast, because he wants to show restraint, and that's what she has been doing as well. She has been making that oath, "Do not awaken love before its time."
So he's at her house, but he's showing respect because he wants her to know, "You're more than just a toy for me. I respect you, and I'm going to show restraint." Ladies, listen. If you're with a guy right now who shows you no respect or no restraint, don't think that's going to change when you say, "I do." It won't happen.
Actions always speak louder than words, and his actions communicated to her that he loved her and was proud of her. He did all he could to be around her, to get to know her. So he communicates love through action. Both of them also communicate with their words. Verse 10: "My beloved speaks and says to me…" Now she's quoting an invitation that he has given her.
"Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely."
Man, he had a way with words, but what you see here is him communicating…not only with his actions, but with his words. These verses are filled with praise. They are praising one another. They are passionate for one another. Notice that throughout the whole book she has been calling him "my beloved," but she does so five times in this passage. In verse 8, she says, "The voice of my beloved!"
Again in verse 9, "My beloved…" Again in verse 10, "My beloved…" Then you go down to verse 16: "My beloved…" This is the woman speaking of her man, the one who she loves. She called him "my beloved." Again in verse 17, "…my beloved…" These are terms of endearment. She loves this man, so there is praise in her words for this man, and he does the same thing she does.
In verse 10, he says, "Arise, my love, my beautiful one…" Guys, that would get you some points every morning. "Arise, my love, my beautiful one. Here's your coffee. Here's your breakfast." He does it again. In verses 13-14, he says, "Arise, my love, my beautiful one… O my dove…" What you see here are their words. They're building each other up. They have terms of endearment.
It's like, "Hey, honey," or, "Hey, babe." You know, something like we do today, but, "Hey, my beloved," or "Hey, my beautiful one." So there is praise. There is also passion. I mean, in verses 11-13, he's inviting the woman. He says, "Look, spring. The winter is gone. It's springtime. Let's get out onto the countryside," because he wants to spend time with her…not intimately, but emotionally, just to get to know her better.
Verse 11: "…for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come…" It's springtime. There were a couple of days last week when it just felt good, right? It was great. The flowers are blooming. It wasn't too muggy, like it is today. They were perfect days, and I felt like a dog. I wanted to roll down my window and just stick my head out while I was driving. I envy dogs sometimes when they do that, especially when they have big smiles on their faces.
I thought, "What does springtime speak of? Freshness and new life." That's what we see here in this relationship. They are in love, and there is a freshness and new life about their relationship. Now we're all thinking, "Yeah, that's because they're not married yet." That is true to some degree.
I remember we had family members who were kissing each other all the time before they got married. They used to say, "Why aren't y'all kissing each other all the time?" "Well, you'll get married, and you'll see why." They got married, and they don't kiss each other all the time like they used to.
There is a freshness and newness to their love, and then in verse 14 he says, "O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face…" He is saying, "I want to be with you. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you." We see the communication of love in actions and in words.
True love communicates, because actions speak louder than words. If you think you can change that person after the fact, that's most likely not going to happen. Actions speak louder than words, and words reveal what's in the heart. True love will communicate love and care through actions and concerns. It reminds me of a story that Norman Wright told many years ago.
It came from the Reader's Digest. It was about a man named Johnny Lingo. He lived on this island in the South Pacific. He had a great reputation on the island. People respected him. He was smart, but when he chose his wife, everybody was really shocked and in disbelief. You see, the tradition on that island was that when a man wanted to marry a woman, he had to go and give cows to the father of the woman.
So if she was a good woman, you'd give four to six cows, so a four- to six-cow woman was a good woman. Well, Johnny gave eight cows for his woman, and the reason people were in disbelief was because she wasn't an eight-cow woman. She wasn't even a four- to six-cow woman. She was skinny. She was plain. Her shoulders and back were hunched over. She kept her head down, so people were thinking, "Man, his father-in-law stuck it to him."
People couldn't understand why you would give eight cows for a woman who is not even worth four to six cows. Well, time passed, and they were still in disbelief, but not because he paid eight cows; all of a sudden, this eight-cow woman became an eight-cow woman. She was no longer shy. She was beautiful and confident now. Everybody saw this transformation, so they asked Johnny Lingo, "What has happened to your wife?"
He said, "Well, I wanted an eight-cow wife, so I paid eight cows, and I started treating her with love and communicating my love through actions and words, and guess what. Now I have an eight-cow wife." Listen, if you want an eight-cow spouse, you need to communicate through your actions. Some of you are thinking, "Well, I'm married, and my husband is not even a four-cow husband."
Listen. I have found out that if you think your husband is a four-cow husband, he'll live up to that every time. You think your wife is a four-cow wife? She'll live up to your expectations every time. But when you start to communicate your love through your actions and through your words, a power about that exists that can actually transform a person's life. If you're not married yet, you're about to get married, or you are married, you want to make sure you are communicating your love through your actions and your words.
2. True love is conscientious about the pitfalls and obstacles that challenge relationships. Now we come to verse 15, and it was probably a popular proverb during that time. It says, "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom." The vineyard there is their relationship. They are in love, and it's in blossom, but they realize every relationship has these little foxes.
There are pitfalls and obstacles. There are dangers and troubles that every relationship faces, especially marriage relationships. They understand that. They're not wearing these rose-colored glasses. They understand that every relationship is going to face its pitfalls and dangers, so they say, "Catch those little foxes."
You see, it was normal for foxes to get into the vineyards, and they would dig at the root for bugs, and sometimes they would kill the vine or they would eat the grapes. What the couple is saying is this. "We have something good here, but we need to realize every relationship will have its pitfalls. Every relationship will have obstacles to challenge."
When I marry a couple, we do premarital counseling, and I usually have them take a test. What this test does is expose and show them the relationship strengths and possible growth areas. We cover all kinds of areas: role responsibilities, sexual expectations, parenting expectations, in-laws and family stuff, their personalities, how they relate to each other…all kinds of areas.
The reason I have them take this test is that I want them to realize, "Listen, you're planning a wedding, but I'm preparing you for the marriage. What takes place after you say, 'I do,' is that there are going to be pitfalls, and there are going to be obstacles in your relationship." I want them to be prepared for those challenges.
That's what the lovers are doing in this passage. They're conscientious of these pitfalls, and they're aware that every relationship… You see, when two people come together, you have two sinners. Whenever you get two sinners in the same room, you're going to have a problem. I have a problem with just myself, and I'm a sinner. I have a problem with myself, let alone another person I get into a relationship with. You're going to have pitfalls and dangers.
These pitfalls and dangers can destroy your relationship or they can become agents for growth, and for that to happen there needs to be commitment. There needs to be commitment to grow with one another through the challenges, and she expresses that commitment in verse 16. She says, "My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains."
She uses covenantal language, and she says, "We belong together." That's language we see throughout the Scriptures. God declares through this whole unfolding plan of redemption… You see this throughout the Bible. God says, "I will be their God, and they will be my people." There is a commitment that God makes to us, his people.
"I will always be with them. I will never leave them. My love will never fail them." Likewise, in a marriage relationship, in a covenant relationship, there needs to be that commitment that says, "You know what? We belong together. He is mine," or "She is mine, and I am hers." There is a sense of belonging. That's the commitment that's needed. "We're going to grow through these pitfalls, and we're going to grow through these obstacles."
Christy and I met in Bible college. In fact, the place where we really started sensing that we belonged to each other was in a class called The Dynamics of Family and Marriage. It was a great class, and we were talking about Christian marriage and family because it was part of the curriculum. As you're in the ministry, you need to know how you're going to communicate Christian values and be a counselor.
We were told to break up into these small groups, so we all got into these small groups, and we were supposed to share our backgrounds with one another. We went around to each person, and we got to Christy, and she shared her background, and we have very similar backgrounds in terms of family. There were multiple divorces in our families. When she told her background, I said this.
I looked her in the eye, and I said, "We have a lot in common," and she just melted in her chair. (I think she said, "You had me at hello." Maybe I was at a movie. Maybe that was a movie I was watching.) But she will tell you it clicked, and from that moment on we watched God really give us that sense that we belonged together.
Now we're 19 years into this. We still belong together, and it's that commitment that says, "You know what? We're going to face pitfalls. We're going to face obstacles, but we're going to grow through these." That's the person you want to marry, the one who says, "You know what? I'm committed to this. I'm committed to grow with you through these pitfalls and obstacles."
That's who you want to be as a husband or wife, one who says, "I'm committed to you." Here's another commitment I want you to see in this passage. It's really a commitment to God, a commitment to God that you will become the right person as you wait for the right person and time. Now we come into chapter 3, and we find the woman in a dream. She says:
"On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not. The watchmen found me as they went about in the city. 'Have you seen him whom my soul loves?'"
Verse 4: "Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me." She loves this man. She's having a dream about him. She wants to spend the rest of her life with him, and yes, she wants to be with him intimately, but she understands she has to wait for the right time.
That's what verse 5 is about. Verse 5 is her making an oath and declaring that she is going to wait for the right time. She has already found the right person, because they're about to get married, but now she's waiting for the right time, and the right time to express her desire to be with him intimately and to consummate that relationship is next week. You might want to be here for that.
Listen to verse 5. They have already done this in verse 7 of chapter 2. "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." She's saying, "Wait on God. Don't take things into your own hands. Wait for God. Wait for the right person. Don't look at your relationship the same way the world does. Allow the Scriptures to form and control you, and allow God to be in first place in your relationship."
She is saying, "Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Don't do it." She's putting it under God's timetable. What I have found is, especially if you're not married and you're trying to find that right person, it's more important that you become the right person than you find the right person. Let me tell you why. Let me give you an example.
I have an acquaintance. She lives in Texas, and she's five years older than me, which means she's almost 50, and I hate saying that. She has had relationship after relationship after relationship, and she says, "I just can't find the right man." I said, "Because you're not the right person. You're so focused on finding the right man that you're not allowing the gospel to change or transform your life. You want the right man? Good. But you ought to become the right person so you can attract the right man. That means you need to fall in love with Jesus."
I told her, "You need to put Jesus first in your life. Stop making finding a man or finding a woman your god, because whatever controls you is your god. Instead, allow the gospel to transform you, and become this godly person who loves Jesus, and I guarantee that if you will focus on Jesus, serve Jesus at his time, he will bring the right person." That's what the woman is saying in this passage. "I'm waiting for the right person. I'm waiting for the right time. I'm giving my life to God."
She is, in essence, saying, "I'm going to be the right person so I can get the right person." This really speaks to us…not only those of us who are not in a relationship, but to husbands and wives, because when you say, "I do," you enter into a covenant relationship with your spouse, and those vows are what dictate that relationship.
Sometimes we get so frustrated in our marriages because that person we married is not the right person, or so we think. But have you ever thought about whether or not you're the right person? See, the one person you can change in a marriage relationship is yourself, and you can allow the gospel to transform you. It's amazing how when you become the right person, you can influence the people around you to do the same.
Become the right person. Allow the gospel to change you from the inside out on a daily basis. The gospel is all about life change. It's about allowing God to make you more like Jesus. It's about allowing the grace of God to come into your life and to teach you how to walk in grace. Many of us are in bondage, and we really don't understand grace.
I don't even fully understand grace. I find, time and time again, that I have a lot of legalism in my life. I'm still trying to learn how to walk in the power of grace and in the power of the gospel. I'm still trying to allow God to make me the right person because when I stand before God and I stand before Christ, he's not going to say, "Well, was Christy the right person?" He's going to say, "Patrick, were you the right person in your marriage?" He's going to hold me accountable for myself.
Let's bow our heads and our hearts. I want to speak first and foremost to young people, people in relationships who may be contemplating marriage. This last point really speaks to everyone here. We ought to become the right person, period, by committing our lives to God, committing our lives to Christ every day, and allowing the fruit of the Spirit and the gospel to transform us from the inside out.
That's God's ultimate goal for every one of us who have trusted Jesus Christ, that we'll be conformed to the image of Jesus. I challenge every one of you here today, but especially those who are anticipating being in a marriage relationship one day, that this is the time for you to commit yourself to Christ and to allow him to make you more like him on a daily basis. You become the right person as you wait for the right person and the right time.
I want to challenge husbands and wives this morning, because so many times we get into our marriage relationships, and we let the years pass, and we let these little foxes come into our relationships, and they begin to destroy our marriages, our families. I want to speak to you, husband. I want to speak to you, wife. Allow Jesus to make you the right person.
For husbands, that means you love your wife as Christ loved the church. He gave his life for the church. He laid down his life for the church. He gave up his rights for the church, and yes, husbands, I am saying that to you. He calls us to do the same thing for our wives, to sacrifice our lives for our wives, to give up our own interests for their interests, to look out for them before we look out for ourselves.
Wives, he calls you to submit yourselves to your husbands as you submit yourselves to the Lord. Allow the gospel to change you. Allow the gospel to make you the right person, and you begin to love that three-cow husband with the love of Jesus Christ, and you begin to express the love of Christ to that husband, and you begin to express the love of Christ in your actions and your words, and you watch. Maybe by the power of God you could influence him to become all God has called him to be as a husband.
I want to challenge husbands and wives today. Listen, if you have little foxes in your relationship that are challenging your relationship, don't put it off. Go to a counselor. I've been to a counselor for every problem in the world, and I'm not ashamed to tell you, and I'm not ashamed to tell you God has given counselors so we could help. Do not let those foxes destroy your marriage.
Find help. And husband, lead your wife. Lead your wife to that counselor. You be the spiritual leader. Young people, take marriage seriously, and don't take dating as seriously as you do. Wait for that right person, and as you wait, become that right person. Love Jesus. The most attractive person in my regard is a person who loves Jesus more than life. Become that person.
Some of you here this morning can't become the right person until you trust Jesus as your Lord and Savior. God is speaking to you right now. You know who you are. You've never committed your life to Christ. You've never turned from your sin and placed your faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Today is the day of salvation. Give your life to Jesus.
Father, I want to thank you for this young man, a young man who was invited to come to church last Wednesday, came this morning, and now is ready to give his life to you. Thank you, Lord, for that. Father, I also want to pray for marriages that are here. All of us face pitfalls, obstacles, dangers, and troubles. I pray that we would be committed as husbands and wives, first and foremost to the gospel, to you, and committed to living out the gospel in our marriages.
I want to pray for those who have gone through some hard times in their relationships, and some have even experienced divorce, God. I thank you for grace, and I want to pray, God, that you minister to them this morning. Just pour out your love. I just claim this promise that you work all things for the good of those who are called by God, who love you and are called by God. Encourage them this morning. Father, thank you for this time. Be glorified. In Jesus' name, amen.
