Walking with God in Uncertainty

When I Said I Do...Forever and Ever, Amen

Forever and Ever, Amen

Song of Solomon 8:5-14

What we're going to see and what we're learning from the Song of Solomon is this: a lasting love, a love that lasts a lifetime, demands faithful commitment. It demands faithful commitment, and these closing verses really sum up the main theme of the whole book. This is the picture of the ideal marriage.

An ideal marriage is characterized by a love that lasts a lifetime, and love that lasts a lifetime demands faithful commitment. Truth be told, whether you're in your first marriage or you've been married a hundred times, if you're married right now, the marriage you are in needs to be a love that lasts a lifetime. The only way that will happen is if there is a faithful commitment on both parts, by both spouses.

What we do as we come to the end of the Song of Solomon… We're going to see the characteristics of true love. We're going to see, really, a love that lasts a lifetime, the kind of love that lasts a lifetime, the kind of love that expresses a faithful commitment. Let me give you several things that characterize a love that lasts a lifetime.

1. A love that lasts a lifetime supports one another in the "for better or worse" seasons of life. Let's pick up the story in verse 5. The very first part of verse 5 says this. "Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?" You have a picture of the husband and wife. They're coming out of the wilderness, and the wife is walking side-by-side with her husband, and she's leaning on her beloved.

This isn't the first time we've seen the wilderness mentioned in this wonderful song. Back on the wedding day, it mentioned the wilderness and how there was a cloud coming out of the wilderness. This was symbolic of how God was leading the husband, the couple, the bride and the groom, how he was leading them to this point.

It's also symbolic of how God would lead the people of Israel in those 40 years in the wilderness. He was also leading them. Here it has that same connotation. It's symbolic of the hardships because if you read the story of the Israelites coming out of the wilderness or being in the wilderness for 40 years, you will see it was characterized by difficulties, struggles, hardships.

What we have here is a picture of a couple who is coming out of the difficulties, the seasons of marriage, the seasons of life… Because there are those better times, and there are those worse times. This is one of those worse times where they have experienced some difficulty. Yet the people are seeing that they're still together. They're walking side-by-side. In fact, she's leaning on her husband, maybe even setting her head on his shoulder.

That word for leaning means to support, to trust, to find rest. That's what it means to support one another, that you go through these hardships in life and hardships through marriage, and you come together. This is where we talk about becoming one. God said that the man shall leave his mother and father, and he shall cling to his wife, and the two shall become one. Not that they lose their identities, but they grow closer together, not apart.

This couple, through the seasons of life, the "for better or for worse" seasons of life, is growing together. It's the people noticing their relationship, that they are one. They are together, and they're not growing apart, but they're growing closer. I like how The Passion translation translates the first part of verse 5. It says, "Who is this one? Look at her now. She arises from the desert of difficulty…" It translates "the wilderness" as the desert of difficulty. "…clinging to her beloved."

"Who is this coming out? Two people clinging to one another, leaning on one another as they go through the difficulties of life." A love that lasts a lifetime demands faithful commitment by two people to one another, to support one another through the "for better or for worse" seasons of life.

That's why we put "for better or for worse" in the vows. That's something that has been lost in our culture. A love that lasts a lifetime, a love that is "forever and ever, amen" has two people supporting one another, clinging to one another, leaning on one another through the seasons of life.

2. A love that lasts a lifetime acknowledges God's lordship in the marriage. The last part of verse 5 says, "Under the apple tree I awakened you." This is the woman speaking. Verse 5 is the others, the people noticing, and they're saying, "Who is this coming out of the wilderness?" People are seeing their love and their togetherness. It's public.

Then you have the woman. She's singing. She said, "Under the apple tree I awakened you.

There your mother was in labor with you; there she who bore you was in labor." This isn't the first time we've heard that word awakened. In fact, it's used several times in the warning the woman gives to the daughters of Jerusalem. Go back to verse 4. There is the last warning we see, but she gave at least three warnings to the daughters of Jerusalem.

She said in verse 4, "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." She's warning them, "Don't awaken love." In this context, love is romantic love that results in sexual intimacy. She's saying, "Don't awaken it until its proper time." The proper time to awaken that type of intimacy is in the context of a marriage relationship. Now they're married. Now they've said, "I do." Now she says, "I have awakened love."

Now is the right time for true romance that results in sexual intimacy. It's in the context of a covenant relationship, a marriage between a husband and a wife, a man and a woman. Watch this. She says, "Under the apple tree I awakened you." The apple tree is symbolic of romantic love. It is symbolic of intimacy.

On one level, she says to her husband when she starts talking about his mother being in labor under the apple tree… She's basically saying, "We're doing the same thing your parents did when you were conceived." Okay? You just figured that one out. On one level, she says, "I awakened your love, and the very thing that brought you into the world we are now enjoying."

There is a deeper level here because when she makes reference to the fact that his mother gave birth to him under the apple tree, what she is declaring and what they are doing is acknowledging that God, in his great plan and destiny for these two, brought them together, that he was born for this time, to be in this relationship.

If you're like me, you believe that God has a plan. He said to Israel, "For I know I the plans I have for you…" Right? He can say it to you as an individual. "I know the plans I have for you." What they are doing and what she is doing is acknowledging that a part of God's plan and destiny for her life and for his life is that those two will become one. They're acknowledging.

They've done this before, even in chapter 3 when they were coming out of the wilderness. What they were doing was acknowledging that God had brought them together. She's still acknowledging, "God has brought us together." You know, to know that God brought you together… By the way, if you do get married, and if you have any question of whether or not God brought you together, don't do it. You need to have an assurance that, "God brought us together," because that assurance will also keep you faithfully committed.

"God brought us together," and what God brings together, let no man tear apart. I want to share this with you. I've never shared this in a sermon before. Hey, it is Pentecost Sunday, right? On Pentecost, it says that God would pour out his Spirit, and the old men will dream dreams and have visions and all that stuff. Well, I've only shared this with a few people, but I've never shared it in a sermon.

I knew I was going to marry Christy before I even had a date. It gets better. I knew I was going to marry Christy before I ever broke off that previous relationship I was in. I knew I was going to marry her. You say, "How did you know?" It was soon after we had that divine appointment connection in our family and marriage dynamics class where I said, "We have a lot in common."

It was just a few days after that. I remember I had a dream. This is the only time this has ever happened to me. In this dream, God was telling me I was going to marry Christy Brashear. I even woke up. I remember waking up and sitting in my bed and saying, "God, what are you trying to tell me?" The next morning, I had this great confidence. I had never even been on a date with her.

I went to my mom. Back then, Criswell College had these student handbooks. They would take the pictures at the beginning of the semester so you would know the students. I went in to my mom. I was living with her at the time. I said, "Look, mom. I'm going to marry this girl right here." My mom wasn't a believer at the time. She just awkwardly said, "Okay."

"No, I'm going to marry her."

"How do you know?"

"I had a dream last night. God told me I'm going to marry her."

Then I told the girl I was engaged to. "You're not going to believe this. I had a dream, and there is this blonde-haired girl at school who God told me I'm going to marry." Now her dad did not like that. That relationship was gone after that. I'm telling you the truth. We had our date, and 19 years later, I have married the woman God wanted me to marry.

I share that with you because God is the one who brought us together. Through that relationship, we acknowledge the lordship of Christ in our relationship. There is nothing greater you can do for your life and for your marriage than to acknowledge the lordship of Christ and to surrender to the lordship of Christ in your life and to make Christ and his kingdom and his righteousness the priority of your life, the priority of your marriage.

When you acknowledge God's lordship in your life, what you're doing is acquiescing to his leadership. You're saying, "Lord, I'm putting you first. I want your will for my life, however difficult that may be." I remember praying as I was still in that relationship with that girl and wondering, "Is this the girl I'm supposed to marry after three times calling off the wedding? God, I'm so emotionally involved, I don't know what to do. I'm putting it into your hands."

Guess what. If you'll put it into God's hands, he'll take care of it. The truth of the matter is love is painful, and there are going to be seasons of pain in every relationship and every marriage. In a couple who is committed to one another, I believe it takes an acknowledgment that, "Christ has first place in our marriage. We're going to seek his kingdom. We're going to seek his righteousness. We're going to seek his glory."

The beauty of those painful seasons in marriage is this. Though they may be painful, they can be fruitful. Can I get an, "Amen"? Though they may be painful, they can become something very fruitful. When they become fruitful, it glorifies the Lord.

3. A love that lasts a lifetime protects the marriage at all costs. We see that in verses 6-10. I'm going to give you four ingredients to protecting your marriage at all costs. All of these are in the text. First of all, you need passion. Passion will protect marriage at all costs. Look at verse 6. The woman is still speaking. She's still singing. She says, "Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death…" What imagery. "…jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord."

She sings, and she says to the husband, "I want you to set me as a seal upon your heart and then upon your arm." What does that mean? Well, a seal was a signature that a king or someone would stamp on something to say, "This belongs to me." If it was a law, he would stamp it with his seal and say, "This law is coming from me." If it was a possession, he would stamp that possession and say, "It's mine. I own this."

What she is saying is, "I want you to put your name on me. I want you to set me as a seal upon your heart and a seal upon your arm." In this context, it speaks of her being so valuable that he won't want to depart from her. It speaks of value. What's she's saying is, "I want you to so love me with such great passion that you love me with all of your strength. Seal me upon your arm." That's the symbol of strength. "I want you to love me with all of your strength."

Then she says, "Seal me upon your heart." She's saying, "I want you to love me with all of your being." Passion. Passion protects a marriage. Then she goes on. She describes this type of passion, this type of love. "…for love is as strong as death…" What does that mean? Well, death is irreversible, right? As much as we try, we're all going to die. Of course, Jesus has conquered death, but truth be told, it has been appointed to every one of us to die and then face judgment.

In that same manner, just as death is irreversible, the kind of love it takes, the kind of passion it takes to protect your marriage, is the kind of passion and love that says, "My love for my spouse…for my wife, for my husband…is irreversible, no matter what." Then she says, "…jealousy is fierce as the grave." Think about that. The grave does not give up the dead. Right? Yeah. It doesn't give up. It doesn't give up the dead.

We often think of jealousy as something very negative, but not in this case. This is not connected with envy, wanting something you can't have. You see, our God is a jealous God, right? For us to have a passionate love that is jealous for the other person means we are so concerned for that person, and we look out for the interests of that person. We want the best for that person. You see, God is a jealous God because he knows what is best for us, and he wants what is best for us, right?

See, when you're passionately in love with your spouse, you're jealous in the sense that you want the best for your spouse. You realize, "The decisions I make could hurt my spouse, could hurt my wife, could hurt my husband." It takes that type of passion that says, "I'm going to love my wife. I'm going to love my husband with all of my strength, with all of my being. I'm going to look out for that person. I'm going to look out for my spouse. I want the best for my spouse." It takes passion.

It also takes perseverance. The first part of verse 7 says, "Many waters cannot quench love,neither can floods drown it." You have this passionate love, this fire. What she is saying is, "No matter what comes our way, no matter how serious the situation we may be going through, nothing can quench this love. No matter what, we're going to persevere. We're going to stick together. We're not going to quit on each other. We're going to work through this." That's the type of love that lasts a lifetime, when it's passionate and when it perseveres.

The third truth is that it's priceless. The last part of verse 7 says, "If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised." Simply put, you can't buy love. No money in the world can purchase love. If you think money will buy you love, then you don't have love. The love you purchase isn't love because true love is given. Right? You can't buy that. It's given.

What she is saying and what this text is teaching us is that when you find love and you find a spouse and they give you love, you have found something that is priceless. You have found something you can't buy with money. You have a treasured gift from God that somebody loves you. I think about that all the time. I think, "My goodness. I can't leave my wife. I don't know anybody else foolish enough to marry me." I mean, somebody loves me. By the grace of God, she was blinded for just long enough to say, "I do." Now she's still blinded, obviously.

The point is I have somebody who has given love to me. I can't purchase that. I can't buy that. No job is worth losing that type of love. Amen? No temptation or flirtatious temptation is worth giving it all up, or some demonic lie that says, "You know what? If you just had the right person, the grass would be greener." That type of stuff. "If you just had the right person, then you would be happy." Let me tell you it's not about having the right person; it's about being the right person. It's priceless.

Here's the fourth truth. The fourth ingredient to protecting your marriage at all costs is purity. What we have here are her brothers. They're singing, and they're piping in. We're going to the past before they got married. It says in verse 8, "We have a little sister, and she has no breasts. What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we will build on her a battlement of silver, but if she is a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar."

What he is saying is she's not at the point of maturity. Now that she's spoken for and there is this season of getting to know each other, the betrothal… That's what they did. They were betrothed, and they still didn't have sexual relationships. It was usually a year or so before they actually had the wedding ceremony. Here is what the brothers are saying. Here is the value of a good family. They're going to help her stay pure. They're going to help her seek holiness in this relationship.

Then, of course, she's going to respond. Verse 10. "I was a wall, and my breasts were like towers…" She didn't give in to the desires she had. She knew there was a proper context for sexual desire and sexual intimacy, and that was in the context of a committed marriage relationship. Even before they got married, they sought purity and holiness, and they were full of self-discipline. They disciplined themselves to stay pure and holy.

What they did is wait for the marriage. They waited for the wedding night. What they did is lay a foundation, a foundation of purity and holiness to build upon. When they said, "I do," they could bring that same purity and holiness into the marriage relationship. The same is true if you are married. One of the ways you protect your marriage at all costs is to pursue purity and holiness.

4. A love that lasts a lifetime gives oneself to the other completely. In the very last part of verse 10, she says, "…then I was in his eyes as one who finds peace [favor]." Then it says in verse 11, "Solomon had a vineyard at Baal-hamon; he let out the vineyard to keepers; each one was to bring for its fruit a thousand pieces of silver. My vineyard, my very own, is before me; you, O Solomon, may have the thousand, and the keepers of the fruit two hundred." In other words, "I give you myself. I give to you myself completely."

He says in verse 13, "O you who dwell in the gardens, with companions listening for your voice; let me hear it." You see, this is what marriage is, and this is what oneness is: two people coming together and giving oneself to the other completely. That's what it is. "Everything I have is yours." Not that they lose identity, but they have this oneness identity. "Now I give myself to my wife," and vice versa. "She gives herself to me."

You see, marriage isn't 50-50. It's 100 percent-100 percent. Husbands, it's you being as Christ is to the church. Christ didn't give 50-50, did he? What did he give? Everything. A love that lasts a lifetime demands faithful commitment. A faithful commitment supports one another through those better and worse seasons of life, acknowledges the lordship of Christ in the relationship, protects the marriage at all costs with passion, perseverance, pricelessness, realizing what you have can't be bought with money, and then purity.

You have two people becoming one, and they give themselves to one another. Here is what happens. When you put all this together, and you have a love that lasts a lifetime with faithful commitment, that faithful commitment creates a marriage that reflects the glory of God. I want you to look at this last verse. The woman is speaking to her husband. She's saying, "Make haste, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices."

What a way to end it. "Come on home, honey." That's what she's saying. "Come on." I believe that when you have two people who are working at having a love that lasts a lifetime, it is work. Can I get an, "Amen"? It doesn't happen on its own. It takes work. When you have two people faithfully committed to one another and enjoying each another, what happens in that relationship is the home becomes a place to be, not a place to avoid.

Sadly, I've been around pastors who didn't like to go home. They would do anything they could to avoid going home. You see, when you have a love that lasts a lifetime, it becomes a place to be, a place where joy is experienced between a husband and wife. What happens is that joy overflows. You have children, and it overflows into the children. Then it overflows into the world, and the world begins to see this joy you have because you're walking hand-in-hand through the good times and the bad times.

What happens is your marriage begins to reflect the glory of God. I want you to hear what Augustine said. He said something like, "Where there is love there is trinity: a lover, a beloved, and a spirit of love." Is that not a good statement? Where there is true romance, the kind we see right here in this wonderful psalm, what you have is a reflection of the triune God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Thank God I made it through the Song of Solomon. Let me tell you. It has been tough. We spent seven weeks on what it means to prepare yourself. I tell parents this all the time. "Your kids are hearing about sex on the playground. They need to hear it from you, and they need to hear it from the pastor." I make no apologies if I have offended somebody by using the word sex. God created it. God has a plan, to prepare ourselves for marriage and what to do after the marriage.

I'm going to be honest with you. This has been one of the most convicting books I've preached through. Why? Because I'm married. Quite honestly, it can be discouraging. For our young people who will be in this next service, maybe they've lost their purity, or for couples who are going in the midst of chaos, and they're really wondering, "Is this really possible? Can we truly be a relationship like that?" We have people who have gone through a divorce.

This book can be discouraging, but there is always the hope of the gospel, all right? I want you to think about this. I want you to think about life as a garden because that's how the psalm puts it. It says in the book that we're to keep out those little foxes that can come into the garden and start tearing up the garden. There are always going to be foxes that will come into the gardens of our lives and destroy them.

Here is the good news. Jesus is the Master Gardener. He comes in, and he specializes in those gardens. In fact, it's only those who realize, "My garden is messed up," who can actually… TheMaster Gardener comes in. He will replant. He will restore. He will renew. He will recreate. Amen? No matter what has happened to the garden of your life, the gospel is all about Jesus coming and saying, "I want to bring healing. I want to bring wholeness. I want to bring restoration."

He will if we allow him. He will if we will say, "Lord, here is my life. Here is my garden. It's messed up. Come on in." See, that's what the gospel is all about. The gospel does not call people who have their lives together. Jesus didn't say, "I have come to those who have their lives together." The church is not a place that says on the outside, "Only those who have their lives together are welcome here."

Jesus did not come to the righteous. He came to those who realize they need God to come into their lives. They need God to give them righteousness. They are sick with sin. That's what the gospel is. It's hope. Maybe you're here this morning, and your life has been ravaged. Your garden has been ravaged by the little foxes, and you realize, "I need Christ as my Lord and Savior."

Maybe you're a believing couple, and you realize, "There have been foxes that have come into our marriage. They're still there, and they're still destroying it." Listen. Jesus gives you hope. There is no hopeless marriage. There is no hopeless life. None. Jesus gives hope to everyone. The question is, "Will you allow it?"

Let's bow our heads and close our eyes. You're here this morning, and you know you need Jesus. You know you need Christ. You know the garden of your life has been destroyed. The flowers are broken. You know you need grace and you need mercy. You come to Jesus this morning. You turn from your sin and self and place your faith in the saving work of Christ.

That is your only hope. That is our only hope. You turn to Jesus, and you say to Jesus this morning, "I need you. I place my faith in your death, your burial, your resurrection. I give my life to you." When you do that, Jesus will come in. He will restore you. In fact, the Bible says the old will be gone, and the new will come. You will become a new creature in Jesus Christ.

In a moment, we're going to sing a song of invitation. I want to invite you to come forward. By doing that, you'll be saying, "Pastor, I need Christ." I also want you to know you're here today. You're a couple. You're married. Maybe you're a young person, and you've allowed impurity into your relationship. I want you to know Jesus stands with his arms wide open, and he says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." You come to him this morning.

Father, we thank you for this day. We thank you for your love. We thank you for the grace you have demonstrated through your Son Jesus Christ, and we thank you for the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. We pray for this time to glorify you. In Jesus' name, amen.

Unforgettable: Growing in Romance

Unforgettable: Growing in Romance

Song of Solomon 4, 6, 7

February 14, 1995. It started off with about a dozen or so roses being delivered at 8:00 a.m. to the library at the Criswell College in Dallas, Texas. The recipient of those roses was this curly-haired, blonde-haired Texas girl by the name of Christy Dawn Brashear. I remember that day well because she had big hair. It was a humid day, right? I remember delivering the flowers, and she was like, "Oh my hair! It's all big. It's humid!"

We had some big plans that day. I showed up that evening to her mom's house, and I had some more roses. I had a poem I wrote myself. We went to a popular restaurant in Dallas where lovers go, especially on February 14. We had dinner. I had duck, and you had mahi-mahi. We finished the dinner. I got down on one knee, and I said, "Christy Brashear, would you marry me?" She said, "Yes!"

That day is probably the day I've been most romantic in my life. It might have been the only day I have been romantic in my life. I actually thought I would surprise her. I thought she would be surprised. She acted surprised when I proposed, but a few years into our marriage, she said, "Well, let me just go ahead and let you know I wasn't surprised. I expected you to propose that night."

You know, what was interesting… Do you young people know what a cassette tape is? Okay.Well, my mother-in-law made a cassette tape, and she put music on it. We listened to those love songs on the way to the restaurant and on the way back. One of those love songs was Nat King Cole's "Unforgettable."

I would love to tell you that I'm just a romantic guy, but I'm not. If it wasn't for my mother-in-law, she might have said no. My mother-in-law helped me out that day. I did write the poem, and I was inspired. It had to be inspired by God, because out of the 19 years of our marriage, I haven't been inspired to do it again, and I've tried! I'm like, "How in the world did I do that?" It was pretty good, wasn't it? Yeah!

I do watch a lot of Hallmark movies. I do! I watch more than my family. I watch them over and over again, but somehow in my life, the romance has not bled over into my marriage. About a couple of years ago, Christy and I attended a Family Life marriage conference. Has anybody ever been to that Weekend to Remember? Yeah. Don't you hate those? Boy, I'll tell you, they hit you right between the eyes.

We realized something that day, that you cannot put marriage on cruise control. If you think your marriage is going to go in the right direction all by itself, it won't. What will happen is you'll crash, or your marriage will go missing in action. Our couple in the Song of Solomon is showing us what an ideal marriage looks like. If you were here last week, an ideal marriage is not conflict-free. Can I get an amen? An ideal marriage learns how to work through that conflict. An ideal marriage learns how to fight good, not bad.

We've learned they've already dealt with conflict. What we see with this couple is they're not at war with one another. They're not combative. They're not self-serving. Instead, what they are doing is expressing their love for one another with the goal of contributing to the other's life. See, that's what marriage is all about.

This is how God designed marriage. Even if you're unbelievers, God designed marriage in this way. It is between a man and a woman. Okay? Amen? Okay. It's in the Bible. It's between a man and a woman where the two become one. They began to reflect the very nature and character and the glory of God. They do that by becoming one, one flesh, this oneness. The man shall leave his mother and father, and the woman, and they shall become one flesh.

In that union, God has designed his nature and character and glory to be reflected. That's why it's so important as believers that we stand up for what marriage really is because at stake here is the glory of God. We see that with this couple. What I've learned and what we're going to learn is that true romance is something that has to be cultivated throughout the marriage. Husbands, if you're like me, you probably think, "Well, I'm not a romantic. I'm not romantic."

Well, that's no excuse (and I'm talking to myself). That's no excuse for not trying to grow in romance. You have to be intentional. This couple is intentional in their growth and romance. Let me give you four things that kill true romance in marriage and why romance goes to the wayside in many marriages (mine included).

First is sin. Sin is always a romance-killer. You see, when you got married, you married a sinner. Do you know that, husband? Do you know that, wife? Yeah, and that's the problem with marriages. You're married. You have two sinners married to one another. A lot of times and many times, one of them or both of them can be selfish and self-serving.

Then what happens is they may say something that hurts the other one. If you don't deal with it in a proper way like we learned last week about extending forgiveness and trying to bring resolution to conflict… If you don't deal with those words or those hurt feelings, what happens is that heart becomes callous. All of a sudden, a couple doesn't have those… What's the song?"You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'." Yeah, you want to kill each other, right? Sin kills romance.

The second thing is vanity. Vanity is where you put all your emphasis on the outward appearance. If your emphasis is on the outward appearance, obviously time and disease and everything else that happens to our bodies are against you. That's why it's so important that when you are in arelationship that you fall in love with who the person is. You fall in love with their soul, their inner beauty.

Then there's the third one: forgetfulness. We get married, and then for some reason we take each other for granted. We take our spouse for granted. We forget all of those things that attracted usto them in the first place. Maybe we forget all those beautiful qualities, and now all we see are those negative qualities. We begin to become ungrateful because of all of those negative things we see. We forget all the good things.

That's why when it comes to forgetfulness, to overcome that, you have to be intentional about remembering. Especially if you find yourself only focusing on all the negatives of your spouse, that's a good time to get out and write down those positive qualities. It might take you a while, but you'll find them. They were there at one time.

Then the fourth one is laziness. This is where most of us are, where we get so involved with life.We're married. Now we have children, and now we have work. We're so busy. We're going here.We're going there. Then all of a sudden, being romantic becomes a chore. If you're like me, well, I'm just sometimes too lazy to work at it.

All of these things kill true romance. What this couple is going to teach us is if we're going to grow in romance, we have to work at it. We have to be intentional. We can't be forgetful. We have to work through the sin in our lives. We have to work through the vanity. We need to begin to look at the inward person. We have to work! You can't be lazy. You can't be forgetful. What we learn first of all from this couple is…

1. To grow in true romance you have to grow in appreciation for your spouse. When you grow in appreciation for your spouse, what happens is it begins to cultivate and create security in a marriage. We see that with this couple. Let's pick up the story in verse 4. It says in verse 4, "You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love, lovely as Jerusalem, awesome as an army with banners."Hold your finger there. We going to come back, but go to verse 10.

In verse 10 it says, "Who is this who looks down like the dawn, beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun, awesome as an army with banners?" What we have here is a bookend. It gives us a section of Scripture. What we find in this section, in these bookends, is the husband. He is singing here. Remember this is a love song. He is speaking and singing to his wife. He is showing his appreciation, not just that he appreciates her but that they're growing. He is growing in appreciation. Let's pick it up in verse 4.

"You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love, lovely as Jerusalem, awesome as an army with banners.Turn away your eyes from me, for they overwhelm me—your hair is like a flock of goatsleaping down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of ewes that have come up from the washing; all of them bear twins; not one among them has lost its young."

Now if you were here a few weeks ago, in chapter 4, these are the very same words he spoke to his wife. In fact, they were at the wedding making a commitment to one another. It says in verse 1 of chapter 4 (he is speaking to his bride), "Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats…"

So he likes her hair. I know we can't relate to goats being symbolic of beautiful hair, but for a shepherding culture, they understood that. He has this line he likes to repeat. "Honey baby, your hair looks like a goat's hair. It's beautiful!" He goes on. "Your hair is like a flock of goats…"Then he says, "Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing,all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young."

Two times! He really likes the woman's hair. I want to say this. Men, if you have a praise, a line, your wife likes, keep using it. Obviously this is working for the man in this text. "Hey, baby. I love your hair. It looks like goats. Your teeth! I love your teeth. They're white, and you have all your teeth." That was a big thing then!

You know, I wouldn't do that to Christy, but I do have a song for Christy: Van Morrison's "Tupelo Honey." Yeah. Yeah, I look at her and go, "Hey, baby. You're as sweet as tupelo honey." That's awhole lot better than saying, "Your hair looks like goat's hair." That's what he is doing. Here'srepetition. Repetition is important in Hebrew language, because when you see repetition in Hebrew language, that means, "You need to pay attention to this."

If you see a word or a phrase that's stated over and over again, that means they're trying to communicate something. The very fact that he is using the same lines over again is teaching a lesson to married couples, that if you're going to grow in romance, you have to continue to do so.It doesn't stop when you say, "I do." You know, we men tend to think once we say, "I do," we got her. We're going to bag her, and we're going to move on to the next doe, right? No.

We have to keep working at romance. That's what we see. He doesn't give up. He is still showinghis appreciation for her. To grow in true romance, we continue to do that throughout our lives as a married couple. You do it as you show greater appreciation for one another. Notice what he says again in verse 4. "You are beautiful as Tirzah…"

Now Tirzah was a city that was really the capital city of the northern kingdom during the time of Solomon. It was a beautiful, strong city. When he says, "You are like Tirzah," he is saying to his woman, "You're strong, and you're beautiful." Then he says, "You're like Jerusalem. You're as lovely as Jerusalem." Now if you've ever been to Israel… Has anybody been to Israel? Yeah.Y'all have been a few times, and I went with you.

I'll never forget when we were entering into Jerusalem, and the guide put in some music about Jerusalem. We were winding around the road. You get around this corner. All of a sudden, there is Jerusalem. I can't explain the feeling. It's like you have this feeling like, "Man, I'm home." I don't know about anybody else, but my jaw dropped. I thought, "What beauty! This is the Holy City!"

That's what he is saying to his wife. "You're like Jerusalem, that wonderful Holy City on a hill. When I see you, you're so beautiful that my jaw drops. I am in awe of you." You see, he likes her physical appearance. He says, "You're majestic. You're beautiful. You're strong." But he doesn'tstop there. You see, he doesn't just focus on the physical. He goes beyond that. He is in love with who she is, and he becomes more creative.

Verse 7. He says, "Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. There are sixty queens and eighty concubines, and virgins without number. My dove, my perfect one, is the only one, the only one of her mother, pure to her who bore her." He is talking about who she is, her character, her purity.

"The young women saw her and called her blessed; the queens and concubines also, and they praised her." Then in verse 10, it says, "Who is this who looks down like the dawn, beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun, awesome as an army with banners?" He is talking about who she is as a person. What we see is that he is growing in appreciation for his wife.

Here's what's so important. If we're not careful, through forgetfulness, we can stop growing in appreciation for our spouse. We begin to take them for granted, and we need to be mindful of this, that we have to grow in appreciation and begin to communicate those qualities. What happens when you grow in appreciation for your spouse is it actually gives security to your marriage, especially to wives.

When their husband is constantly communicating how he appreciates her and that appreciation is growing, what that does is it gives her security. That irrevocable commitment you made, you're actually committed to that, and you're appreciating her. It gives her that assurance. Husbands, that also shows to us that we need to be mindful of speaking our appreciation for our wives so we can begin to take out that inner beauty.

See, that's the focus you ought to have, ladies. There's nothing wrong with outer appearance, but what is lasting is your inward beauty, your inward person in the heart. What's so important is that you begin to cultivate that beauty. Husbands, what's important for you is to draw that beauty out, showing greater appreciation for your wife. See, what happens is it brings security in your marriage.

2. To grow in true romance you need to recognize the seasons of marriage so your marriage can stay in rhythm. To understand verses 11 through 13, you have to go back to verse 9 where he says, "The young women saw her and called her blessed." Then it says, "The queens andconcubines also, and they praised her."

Scholars believe what's happened here is these queens, these concubines, these ladies are all praising her and blessing her for this reason. When they entered into that season of conflict, she recognized what she had done, and she sought out her husband. She wanted to bring resolution to this conflict, and they did.

What they are doing in verse 9 is they're saying, "Bless you! Bless you for realizing there is conflict in your marriage, there's conflict in your relationship. Bless you! We praise you for you have pursued your husband to bring about resolution by asking for forgiveness." Of course, he is extending forgiveness. Maybe it goes vice versa. With that in mind, with the idea of conflict being resolved, now we can begin to understand verse 11.

This is the woman, and she begins to sing, "I went down to the nut orchard to look at the blossoms of the valley, to see whether the vines had budded, whether the pomegranates were in bloom." She is going down during the spring season. "Let's see if we see the fruit coming out.Are the buds budding?" so to speak. This is imagery of spring, and spring is symbolic of love.

She is acknowledging, "We've just gone through this season of conflict, but now that we've gone through this conflict, what is happening is now we're in this new season of love, this new seasonof growth. We've brought resolution. Now our love is going to grow deeper." What every married couple needs to understand and what every person who wants to get married needs to understand is there will be seasons in your marriage.

Oh, there will be those spring seasons, but there will be some hard seasons as well. Some of those hard seasons will come from the outside, and some of those hard seasons will come with the conflict within your marriage. What you need to understand is those seasons will come. Just understanding those hard seasons will come will help you keep your marriage in rhythm.

What I want to encourage you to do is when those hard seasons come… I was thinking about myown marriage. When my wife and I started ministry… I look at the first few years of ministry.We had some hard seasons on the outside. They were drawing us closer together. We realized God was using those hard seasons in ministry to make us more like Christ.

When we went through a church split, it was probably one of the hardest times in our lives, but it was probably one of the greatest times where we came together as one. See, that's what God does. He uses those hard seasons in your marriage to bring you together if you will allow him.Then we've had seasons where it wasn't things on the outside that were hard; it was our own relationship. We've had to work through those, but we believe God can even use those. He can use conflict to bring about oneness and bring about new seasons of growth.

It's so important when it comes to true romance that you are going to experience seasons in your marriage. Do not let the hard seasons destroy your marriage, but allow them to become a tool in the hands of God no matter how bad they may be. Let me just say this. I have seen marriages that biblically, one of those spouses had every right to say, "I can divorce you."

I have watched two couples. I have watched one, a best friend of mine, and I have watched another couple I've counseled. I've watched them say, "Do you know what? We're going to allow the gospel to bring healing and forgiveness to these relationships." They allowed God to take oneof the worst sins, the sin of infidelity in a marriage, and allowed that to heal them and to glorify God through it. You need to expect seasons in your marriage so you can keep your marriage in rhythm.

3. To grow in true romance you have to communicate satisfaction with your spouse. That will help you protect intimacy. This is not only with your words but also with your actions. You need to let your wife, you need to let your husband, know, "I am totally satisfied with you. I'm satisfied with you! I find satisfaction in you. I don't have to go outside of you to find satisfaction."

I want you to see how the husband communicates his satisfaction. Men, you may want to do this when you go home. I don't know if you want to use his words, but I would definitely use his template, because what he does is he starts with her feet, and he goes all the way to the top of her head. By doing that, he talks about her beauty. What he is saying is, "Everything about you satisfies me."

Now let's go along. Hey, this is the Bible, okay? This is the Word of God. "I can't believe the pastor said that." I didn't say it. I'm just reading it. Here we go. Verse 1 of chapter 7: "Howbeautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter!" Husbands, have you ever looked down at your wife's feet and said, "Man, you have pretty feet"? The only thing I've heard from my wife is, "Honey, you need to cut your toenails." "Why?"

He says, "Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand." Those are good words! "Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine." I don't know. "Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies." I am sure that meant something special. I'm just going to say, "Honey, you're as sweet as tupelo honey." Well, here we go. Let's get right into this.

"Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Youreyes are pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim." I don't understand this one. "Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, which looks toward Damascus." "I love your big nose." I don't know. "Your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses."

He gets very seductive here. "How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!" "I delight in you! I find complete satisfaction in you." "Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, 

and your mouth like the best wine."

I don't think I need to explain that. I don't think I want to explain that is what I'm trying to say.Some things you just need to do on your own. Okay. Now I want you to see what happens. He is saying, "Baby, you're all I need." Here's how she responds. "It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth." Huh. Lips and teeth. We won't go there. Verse 10. "I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me."

She says, "I'm satisfied with you." She is saying it because she understands he is communicating satisfaction with her. It's more than just words. You see, words are cheap, right? Actions speak louder than words. He is communicating with words, but with his life, he is saying to his wife, "I am satisfied with you." It's so important that we communicate that satisfaction in our actions and in our words because it does protect intimacy.

Let me show you how. Let me give you a list of what I call nine signs that you're dissatisfied with your spouse. Dr. Danny Akin calls them "Nine Warnings Signs of Infidelity." In other words, if these signs are there, if you don't deal with them, you're on a road to disaster. Let's look at the first one.

This is a sign of dissatisfaction. First, the feeling of going through the marriage motions. Second,inventing excuses for visiting someone of the opposite sex. Third, increasing male/female contacts in normal environments. In other words, at work or maybe in the choir, you want to hang around the girls or the guys. See, you're increasing male or female contacts.

Fourth, being preoccupied with thoughts of another person (thoughts only you and God know). Fifth, exchanging gifts with friends of the opposite sex. Sixth, making daily/weekly contact with the opposite sex by phone, text, or social media. Go read the statistics of how many divorces have happened through social media.

Seventh, putting yourself in situations where a friend or employee might become more. Eighth,having to touch, embrace, or glance at a person of the opposite sex. Ninth, spending time alone with anyone of the opposite sex. All of those are signs of dissatisfaction. Now if you can relate toany of those signs, I want to encourage you as a couple to find help.

Listen. This is a hospital. This isn't a place where we say only those who have it together come. This is a place where we struggle. This is a place where we come in struggling. You need to understand we're all in this together. I want to encourage you to find help, counseling, whatever it takes, because if you don't deal with this dissatisfaction, it can lead you down a road of disaster and destruction.

I want you to see what happens. Remember, he is protecting intimacy by his communication of his satisfaction. Here's how she responds to that. Verse 11: "Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages; let us go out early to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes give forth fragrance, and beside our doors are all choice fruits, new as well as old, which I have laid up for you, O my beloved."

In other words, she is saying, "Okay, honey. Let's get together. Let's be alone. Let's be intimate." Communicating satisfaction with your spouse protects that intimacy. Men, what we say, how we say it, will have a great effect on our intimacy with our spouses, whether good or bad. I want to make a statement here about growing in true romance. Maybe as a man you might say, "Well, I don't agree with you, Preacher." Watch this.

I believe growing in true romance is a part of spiritual growth. The reason I believe that is it's in the Bible. It's in the idea of marriage that God gave us in the Song of Solomon. They didn't stop romance after the wedding. He continued to grow in appreciation for his wife. He continued to communicate satisfaction with his wife. What that tells me is that God gives us a picture of an ideal marriage, and he gives us a picture of two people cultivating true romance in their relationship.

That tells me that a part of us growing in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, especially in the area of our marriages, that means we, by the power of Jesus, men, need to stop being forgetful. We need to stop being lazy. We need to deal with the sin that has hindered our relationship and possibly brought conflict into our relationship. This is husband and wife together.

We need to deal with the focus on the outward and not the inward beauty of the person. I truly believe (and I say that as one who really needs to grow in this area) if we're going to grow spiritually as a couple, then that cultivation, that growth, needs to take place in your relationship to one another in the area of romance. I believe growing in romance is synonymous with growing in grace.

I think there's a great challenge for all of us here. First of all, obviously the couples. Are you growing in grace? Are you growing in romance? Are you just too lazy and forgetful? Maybe there's conflict in your relationship, and romance isn't even a thought. All you can think about is, "How am I going to kill him? I can't divorce him, but maybe I can kill him."

Are you growing in grace? Is your family growing in grace? I want to challenge single parents here. Obviously you don't have a mate, but you have children you're to lead. You need to teach them all about grace, all about what grace means. You know, grace isn't something we earn. It's something Jesus earned. Y'all understand that, right? We don't earn favor from God; Jesus earned it for us. Do y'all understand that?

There's nothing we can do to earn more favor from Jesus. There's something we can do to get a greater fellowship with him. The Bible says if we obey his commands, he will come and abide with us and make his home with us. That's more fellowship. But you're not going to get any more favor. You have all the favor you need, because Jesus earned it for you. That's what grace is! You obey because you have all the favor you need!

Parents, we need to teach that. We need to exhibit that in our families. I want to challenge even single moms or dads. I know there's a challenge. Boy, we pray for you. I want to challenge you to lead your children in what it means to experience grace. Then for single people, grow in grace. Remember to become that right person. Become that right person!

Here's my challenge. First of all, it's to couples. Husbands, I want to challenge you today that if you're not growing in this area of true romance… I want to challenge you husbands: you leadyour family. You lead your wife. You be the first one to repent. You be the first one to pray. You be the first one to say, "Forgive me." You! You lead.

Then I want to challenge single parents to lead. Lead! I want to challenge single people to follow Jesus. Then I want to challenge you here today. Some of you have never trusted Christ as your Lord and Savior. Jesus wants to lead you to eternal life. In fact, his arms are open wide, and he says today, "I love you. I've died for you."

You can have eternal life. All you have to do is acknowledge your sin, turn from your sin, and place your faith in the saving work of Christ. If you'll do that today and follow Christ, he says, "I will give you life, and I will give it to you more abundantly." Let's bow our heads and close our eyes.

God is speaking to you this morning as a husband, as a wife, as a single parent, or just as a single person, a young person. You think, "Well, this whole thing about romance isn't about me." Well, romance is about spiritual growth. If you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you need to grow. I want to challenge you to follow Jesus.

I want to challenge marriages today. Husbands, lead your wife. Husband, you may want to bring your wife, you may want to bring your whole family, to the altar this morning just to say, "I want to be the leader in my family. I want to lead them in growth. I want to lead them in growing in grace."

You might be here this morning, and you know you need Jesus Christ. You're ready to trust him. Jesus is leading you to faith, and he'll give you that faith. In a moment when we sing, I want to invite you. If you feel led to bring your family, to lead your family, to the altar, you come. If you want to come as a single person, you come. If you want to come as a person needing Christ, you come, and you grab me by the hand.

Father, we thank you for your grace. We thank you for your mercy. Lead us. Lead us during this time as we respond to you and your Word to us this morning. In Christ's name, amen.

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