Going to the Chapel

First Southern Baptist Church

Dr. Patrick Mead

Series: God's Love Song

May 18, 2014

Going to the Chapel

Song of Solomon 3:6-11; 4; 5:1

Six years ago, I was asked to officiate a wedding. I'd never seen one done this way before, let alone done it. The bride and the groom wanted their ceremony to resemble an ancient Jewish wedding. Instead of here comes the bride, it was here comes the groom. The bride and the bridesmaids waited along with me. They had lanterns in their hands. They waited for the groom to come and get the bride. So when the groom and the groomsmen came in, I then performed the covenant marriage. It was a tremendous experience.

I share that with you today because the study of Song of Solomon takes us to the wedding day of the couple in this love story. It's much like the wedding I performed for that couple six years ago. So it's very important for us to really understand what is transpiring in our text today. It's important that we understand the background of ancient Jewish weddings and the whole marriage process.

It was about a six-step process, and it started with the father, the father of the groom. He had the responsibility of going out and finding a bride for his son. You see that in the Old Testament. For instance, Abraham sent his servant to go and find a wife for Isaac. You see that time and time again. So it was the father who went out and chose a bride.

Once he chose the bride, he then entered into negotiations with the father of the bride. They would come up with a contract and what they call a bride price. It was the responsibility of the father of the groom to pay that price. Once he paid the price, then the couple became betrothed, something like our engagement but a little bit more serious. It was like they were married. For them to break off the engagement, they basically had to go through a divorce. They were betrothed, but they did not live together. They did not consummate the relationship yet. 

So the son went back home with the father, and the daughter stayed with her parents and her father. Then what happened is the father of the groom would decide when his son was ready to go and get the bride. Usually it took about a year because the father wanted to make sure his son was able to provide for the bride. Nobody knew when that time would be, when he would send his son to go get his bride. Only the father would know that.

When he did, when it was time, what the father would do is he would send a messenger ahead of the groom. He would go down to the bride's house to let them know the groom was coming. Then the groom would make his way with his groomsmen. Of course there would be a procession. People would see it was a wedding party. They wanted to go to the wedding party. So it would grow through the journey.

Finally, they would come to the bride's house. That's where the wedding would take place. They would have what they call a marriage feast. Let me tell you, they know how to party, those Jewish people. They didn't do it just for a couple of hours; they did it for about seven days of feasting and celebrating. During that time, the man and the woman, the groom and the bride, would exchange vows. 

Then after the feast, the groom would take his bride. They would go back home to the groom's house, because that would become their home, and they would consummate the relationship. That's what is taking place in our text today. What we're going to see in our text today is what I believe makes a great wedding, a great marriage, what makes a God-glorifying marriage.

1. A great wedding is a celebration. It's found in verses 6-11 of chapter 3. Now in the Encyclopedia of Judaism, it states weddings may take place on any day other than a Sabbath, festival, day of public mourning, or during the period between Passover and Pentecost. The reason is one may neither mix the holiness of a wedding with the holiness of a holiday nor lessen the joy of the wedding with the sadness of mourning or other unhappiness. It was a time of celebration. It was a time of joy. So you didn't do it at a time of mourning.

We see that joy expressed with the groom. In the last part of verse 11, it says, "…on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart." He is excited. He is full of joy that now he is going to commit his life to the woman he loves. Now there are several things that are being celebrated at this wedding.

First, they're celebrating God's providence. Look at verse 6. It says, "What is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all the fragrant powders of a merchant?" Now there's great debate and discussion about the meaning of verse 6. Some believe it stands alone; it's somewhat of a transition verse. Some believe it's speaking of the woman. Others believe it is speaking of Solomon.

I agree with the scholars who believe this is an allusion to God leading the people of God, the people of Israel, out of the wilderness. Look at the imagery there. "Who is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke…?" God leading his people, Israel, out of the wilderness. By making that allusion, what the couple is doing here is declaring that they understand that God is the one who brought them together. This is God's plan unfolding for their lives.

Secondly, they're celebrating God's presence. The Song of Solomon doesn't mention God at all, yet we see God in the actions of the couple. The very fact that they are able to control their God-given desires to be with each other intimately tells me this couple understands that God is first in their lives, and they want to please God. 

Now there's this declaration that God is leading them to this point, and so his leadership has been in their relationship. His presence has been in their relationship. Now he has brought them to this glorious day, this wedding day, this celebration. It's going to be a happy and holy occasion of two people being brought together by God's unfolding plan for them. They're declaring God's presence is not only at the wedding, but his presence is going to be in their marriage throughout their marriage. 

Thirdly, they're celebrating God's protection. Look at verses 7 and 8. "Behold, it is the litter of Solomon! Around it are sixty mighty men, some of the mighty men of Israel, all of them wearing swords and expert in war, each with his sword at his thigh, against terror by night." Now I thought having six people in my wedding was just outrageous, and I had to borrow one of Christy's friends. I didn't even have enough friends. She had too many friends. "Let me borrow one of your friends." I actually knew him, but he was closer to Christy than he was for me.

Can you imagine 60 men, 60 groomsmen? Not only are they just regular guys, but these are the mighty men. He is coming to his bride, and that's the picture. Here comes the groom. Not here comes the bride; here comes the groom to get his bride. As he is coming, he is bringing 60 valiant, fighting men. By bringing those men, he is saying to her, "I am going to protect you because when I take you back to my home, I will give you security. I will give you safety. I will give you protection."

That's what a wedding is. It's celebrating a man taking a woman and saying, "I'm going to protect her. I'm going to secure her. I'm going to give her safety." You don't want anybody at your wedding going, "Oh my goodness, it's never going to work." You want them to celebrate the fact that that man is going to take care of that woman no matter what. 

Fourthly, they're celebrating God's provision. Verses 9 and 10: "King Solomon made himself a carriage from the wood of Lebanon." I want to stop right there, because obviously Solomon wrote this. If I were a king, I wouldn't be building that myself. I'm going to hire somebody, because quite frankly, I can. 

I can't build a thing. I can barely fix a garbage disposal. My wife was so happy that I fixed our garbage disposal yesterday. My wife would love to have a handyman for a husband, but she didn't get one. She got a theologian who doesn't know much. When I do fix things, they tend to be more broken than they were before I tried to fix them. That's why I have to have David, as my friend because I take my lawn mower and stuff over to David.

This is what he is doing. It's King Solomon himself showing his ability to provide from the wood of Lebanon. "He made its post of silver, its back of gold, its seat of purple; its interior was inlaid with love by the daughters of Jerusalem." He did not hold back. He gave his best. He is showing her his ability to provide, to give her security, to give her safety, and he is going to give himself to her completely. "I love you," he says, "and I'm going to give you my best." 

Fifthly, they're celebrating God's participation. This is so important when it becomes a great wedding. Look at verse 11. "Go out, O daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon, with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart." 

Do you see this? Friends and family are all participating in this wedding. They're approving of the wedding. Mom is giving him a crown, and the daughters of Jerusalem are all participating in this. If your friends and family cannot participate in a marriage, a wedding, because they don't think you belong together, then I would suggest don't do it. 

When I met Christy, I was actually engaged to another woman. That's what kind of woman Christy is. She stole me. Actually when I met Christy the very first time, we were at a picnic our Bible college put on every fall for new students. I remember going to the picnic. I had my fiancée, and Christy was on the Student Council. She was blonde and smiley and happy. She introduced herself to me and to my fiancée. Little did I know that she would become my wife.

Now the woman I was engaged to… We had set the date three times and postponed it three times for good reason: her parents. Now at the time, I thought they were crazy. I have since been able to tell them, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you." They were so wise. They had insight, and they knew we really did not belong together. I thank God for her parents and their inability to participate and celebrate us coming together, because God had a greater plan.

I say when it comes to a wedding coming together, you want to have parents and friends to be able to celebrate in the joy of two people coming together because God's plan is unfolding for them. Each time when we come together and we celebrate a wedding, the people who were there and participating, family and friends, want to be able to drink of the joy of that relationship. A great wedding is a celebration.

2. A great wedding expresses commitment to one another with covenantal vows. Now you don't see explicit vows in the text, but they are implied. Remember this is the time during that marriage feast that they would commit themselves together. They would take vows, exchange vows. They would be married. We don't see explicit vows, but we know they're implied.

First of all, verses 9-10. The very fact that Solomon is giving his best to the woman is a sign he is committing himself. Then we see it in chapter 4, because in chapter 4, the man begins to really use creative compliments for his bride. Look at verse 1. "Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful!" 

Now go down to verse 7, and you see kind of an inclusio there. In verse 7, it says, "You are altogether beautiful, my love…" So what he does in the first seven verses is he begins to express his commitment through creative compliments. He talks about the beauty of the woman he is about to commit his life to and exchange vows with. 

He says, "Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead." Now we don't understand that, but they lived in a shepherd culture. They could picture these goats with this long, black hair. As they were going down the mountains, the sun would shine. Their coats would shimmer. He is basically telling her, "Your hair is beautiful, just like goats." 

Oh, it gets better. Listen to what else he says. Verse 2. I love this one. "Your teeth…" Now is Dr. Hogue here? All right. He is my dentist. Now they didn't have the great dentistry we have today, so this puts all of this in perspective, okay? "Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing…" 

In other words, they're white, but not only are they white. "…all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young." "You have white teeth, and none of them are missing," is what he is saying. Obviously she wasn't from Oklahoma, right? That's what he is saying. "You have beautiful hair. You have all your teeth. They're white." Oh, and he doesn't stop. 

"Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stones; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense." 

Verse 7: "You are altogether beautiful, my love…" Watch this. This shows you that love is blind. He says, "…there is no flaw in you." Now Christy's grandfather, before we got married… In fact, her grandfather and her dad walked her down the aisle. Her grandfather said, "Now are you sure you want to go through this? You know love is blind, and marriage is an institution. You're about to commit yourself to a blind institution for the rest of your life."

The truth of the matter is when two people come together, they are fallen people because of sin, amen? Yeah. We are imperfect people. We have sin in our lives. What is he saying? The word he uses where it says no flaw is the same word that is used of the animal sacrifices you are to bring without any blemish, no flaw. He is saying she is perfect.

Now he knows she is not perfect, but what he is saying, and what the implication here is, "You're perfect for me. You're mine. God has brought us together. You are the right one, and you are perfect. You are without flaw." Quite frankly, when you get into marriage, it's pretty wise that you think… I know my wife does. She has to have some kind of glasses on to think I'm something. The reality is love covers over a multitude of sins, right? What he is saying is, "There is a commitment in this that I love you. I'm committing myself to you. You are mine."

Now the reason I believe they've made that commitment is because of what he says in verse 8. The very next thing he says in verse 8 is, "Come with me from Lebanon, my bride…" Now he is calling her bride. No longer love. Now she is my bride. He says, "Time to come home." In other words, they've committed their lives. They've exchanged vows. They are now in a covenant relationship. They are in a marriage. Now he says, "It's time to go home."

We live in a day where couples don't take vows very seriously anymore. That's why I love doing covenant marriages, because when a couple says, "We want to do a covenant," I try to encourage them because what you are saying is, "We are going to be really serious about these vows. What we say to one another on that wedding day is how we will relate to one another." We don't see that much today, do we?

I want to share some vows I came across last week. They're based upon Ephesians, chapter 5, and I think I'm going to incorporate these into my covenant marriages. I want you to hear what the husband says. It's on the back of your bulletin. I put them on there so you could have them. This was written by Paige Patterson and his wife, Dorothy. It is based upon Ephesians 5, verses 22-23. 

The husband says, "I covenant today, sacrificially to love you as Jesus loves His church. I covenant to bestow always upon you abundant honor. I will seek to know your needs and to provide for them materially, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I will seek your wellbeing, happiness, and success above my own. 

Above all, I covenant to be the spiritual leader of our union, to provide a spiritual example through my walk with Christ, to teach the Bible, to pray for my family, and to lead family worship. I will be faithful to you physically, mentally, and emotionally and avoid all that is pornographic, impure, or unholy. I will not be angry or bitter against you nor allow the sun to go down on my wrath. I will not keep books on evil. 

I will cultivate tender affection for you both in private and in public. I will compassionately give to you my body and spirit in the union which we alone enjoy together. I covenant this day to accept the role of servant leader and to be to my children and grandchildren, should God grant, a compassionate, encouraging, and guiding father. This day I seal this covenant for as long as we both shall live." Those are covenant vows. 

Now listen to the woman's. "I covenant this day to love and respect you with all the fervency of my being. I covenant to make our home a place of repose and comfort. I will honor you as the spiritual leader of our home. I will devote myself to you and the offspring God may give above all others. I will graciously submit to your servant leadership never allowing the sun to go down on my wrath.

I will not keep books on evil. I will regard my responsibilities as wife and mother as priority above all else except God. I will seek your wellbeing, happiness, and success rather than my own. I will compassionately give to you my body and spirit in the union which we alone enjoy together. This day, I seal this covenant for as long as we both shall live."

Both of those vows say, "I'm giving myself for you." That's what I tell couples all the time. It's about giving yourself 100 percent to your spouse. If you will give yourself 100 percent to your spouse and your spouse gives 100 percent, you don't have to worry about yourself. That's what happens in the text. They make a covenant. They exchange vows. They take those vows very seriously. A great wedding expresses a commitment to one another with covenantal vows.

3. A great wedding anticipates the consummation of the marriage. Now they've committed themselves. Now they're ready to go on a honeymoon, or at least the guy is. In fact, to say he is a little excited is probably… Well, yeah. He is very excited, and I want you to hear what he says. Verse 8. This is why I say they've already made the commitment. Now he says, "Let's go to my house. Come on." 

"Come with me from Lebanon, my bride; come with me from Lebanon. Depart from the peak of Amana, from the peak of Senir and Hermon, from the dens of lions, from the mountains of leopards. You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! 

Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed. Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates with all the choicest fruits, henna with nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all choice spices—a garden fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams from Lebanon." Yeah, he is excited. "Come on. Let's go home." 

Here's what she says, "Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits." In verse 1, it says, "I came to my garden, my sister, my bride, I gathered my myrrh with my spice, I ate my honeycomb with my honey, I drank my wine with my milk." In other words, they consummated the relationship. 

They waited. They waited until there was that commitment to one another. Now they can enjoy sexual activity the way God designed it, in a marriage relationship between a man and a woman. It's a sad day when I have to define that, isn't it? It is between a man and a woman. It is in a covenant marriage relationship where man and woman commit themselves to each other until death do they part. That's how God designed it. 

Here's something I want you to see. I know some of the younger families were just so terrified that I was going to be doing the honeymoon. That wasn't so bad, was it? It's really going to get good. This is the best part, because when it comes to a marriage, there is something more glorious than just two people coming together because of God's plan.

4. A great wedding invokes contemplation of the glory of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ. If you read the Bible, then you know Jesus loved to use the wedding ceremony, that imagery, to describe the gospel, right? Well, let's go back and think about the process I defined at the very first. 

If you think about it, in Ephesians, chapter 5, the church is called the…what? The bride of Christ, right? If you go to Ephesians, chapter 1, it says God the Father chose the bride of Christ before the foundation of the earth. Uh-huh. Right? That's what it says. God the Father chose us in him to be holy and blameless before the foundation of the earth. 

So God the Father chose the bride, and then God the Father paid the price, right? What was the price? Was it silver or gold? No, no, no, no. It wasn't silver or gold, but it was the precious blood of Jesus Christ. It was Calvary, where Jesus would be the price. He would pay the bride price to redeem us from our sins.

Now as believers, we are betrothed to Jesus, right? We are engaged to Jesus. Ephesians tells us the moment you believe, you are given a down payment. You're given an engagement ring called the Holy Spirit. Right? Yeah. So now we wait and we watch. We wait for our groom to come get his bride. He consummates his kingdom.

Jesus used that language in John, chapter 14. He said, "In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself…" I will come and get my bride, and I will take her to myself. "…that where I am you may be also."

A great wedding should always be a picture of the glory of God revealed in the gospel of Jesus Christ. A gospel-centered marriage and a gospel-centered family becomes a fountain of grace for all to come and drink from. So I challenge you today. The King is coming. That's that last, final act we're waiting for, the consummation. The question is…Are you ready? Have you given your life to Jesus? 

He has paid the price, and now we have a responsibility to turn from our sin and to turn from ourselves and to place our faith in the saving work of Christ. The moment we believe in the gospel is the moment we are betrothed to Jesus. We belong to Jesus. Now we wait, we work, and we watch until our groom comes to get us. Have you turned from your sin and self? Have you trusted Jesus? Let's bow our heads and our hearts.

Marriage points to the glory of God revealed in the gospel of Jesus Christ. That's how God designed it. My prayer for you today is that you will be at that marriage feast and that you will enjoy the consummation of God's kingdom because you have trusted Jesus as your Lord and Savior. 

My prayer is for marriages that are here today to become gospel-centered and gospel-focused and to allow the gospel of Jesus Christ to just guide every aspect of your marriage, your relationship, your family, and allow your family to become a fountain of grace so others can participate and others can see the glory of God and the gospel of Jesus Christ.

If you need Jesus, will you commit your life to Jesus today? If you need the gospel to be the center of your life, will you commit yourself to that? Will you put God first in your life? If the gospel needs to be first in your marriage, will you put the gospel first in your marriage and your family? Right now where you are, express the commitment you're making to Jesus today. 

If it's for the first time as Lord and Savior, as we sing, I'm going to invite you to come to the front and grab me by hand and say, "Pastor, I need Jesus." It could very well be that you have strayed, and it's time that you come back and rededicate your life. God welcomes you back always. Husbands and wives, God always welcomes you back. He wants to be first, and he wants to be a part of your relationship. Make that commitment now.

Father, thank you for sending your Son as the bride price, for giving us Jesus so we could have eternal life. For that person here today who doesn't know Jesus, I pray that they would be bold enough to say, "I want Jesus." I pray for that family, that marriage that needs Jesus, God, that you come and you heal them. We thank you for Jesus. Have your way. In Jesus' name, amen. 

Let's stand, let's sing, and let's respond.

Marry Me

First Southern Baptist Church

Dr. Patrick Mead

Series: God's Love Song

May 11, 2014

Marry Me

Song of Solomon 2:8-17; 3:1-5

All right. I couldn't find a 80s one to use for this title, but it's a good one: "Marry Me" by Train. Take your copy of God's Word and turn to chapter 2 of the Song of Solomon. Last week, I had a church member who is in his 80s tell me, "I've never heard a sermon series from the Song of Solomon." I told him, "Had I not announced it beforehand, you would have never heard it from me."

It's a tough and difficult book, but it's very practical and applicable to relationships before and after marriage. I chose the song "Marry Me" because the passage we're looking at is set in a time just days from a wedding. You could say the man has proposed. He and the woman are in a courtship relationship. I want you to look at some of the words of the song "Marry Me" by Train.

"Forever could never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you. Forget the world now. We won't let them see, but there's one thing left to do. Now that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way. Marry me, today and every day. Marry me." And then there's this phrase: "If I ever get the nerve to say, 'Hello,' in this café…"

Has anybody seen the video? I was going to play the video, but I thought the waitress in the video could have worn a little bit more clothing. I wouldn't want to get any emails, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I realized it's a beautiful song, but then he hasn't even said, "Hello," to the woman, but he's ready to marry her.

I thought, "That really shows a societal problem we have. We do not take marriage seriously enough." People make commitments to people they really don't know. Let me give you an example of that. In our society today, we take dating more seriously than we take marriage. I'm looking at my daughter when I say this.

Let me give you an example of that. I know some of y'all are going to be upset. This is just my opinion and observation, so if I upset you, remember it's just the pastor's opinion and observation, okay? When did we start treating asking someone to the prom like we're asking them to marry us? When did that start happening…where it's almost as if we're proposing to them?

Whatever happened to, "Hey, will you go to the prom with me?" "Sure." I think it's really indicative of our society. We're taking dating way too seriously, and we're not taking marriage seriously enough. The couple who is in this love song in God's Word, the Song of Solomon, is taking the relationship seriously. In fact, they're in love, and they have every intention to get married, but they're not rushing the relationship.

You could say there is an element of courtship. I started watching the Duggars with my DVR. They have the right idea. I think we're going to take the Duggars' plan, the whole courtship thing, for my girls. It's really a biblical idea. That's what we have in these first three chapters: a couple who are intending to get married, but during this time they're getting to know each other.

We've watched how they take pleasure and delight in each other, who the other person is. They are expressing value, worth, to one another. They're building one another up with creative compliments. More importantly, even though at times they're expressing the intimate desire for one another… In fact, at this point it's really the woman, and my wife pointed this out. My wife had the wonderful privilege of sitting under Tommy Nelson.

He was doing a sermon series while he was her pastor, and in that series he correctly pointed out that in the first three chapters, it is the woman expressing her desire to be with the man intimately. They get married, and guess who's expressing after that? Not the woman; it's the man. You'll see that in the text. She has been expressing her desire to be with her man, but they understand there is a right place and a right time, and they control their God-given passions for the sake of purity and, ultimately, for the glory of God.

In our passage today, they're just days away from getting married. The wedding takes place in verses 6-11 of chapter 3, then the honeymoon takes place in chapter 4, and then consummation takes place in verse 1 of chapter 5. I don't know how I'm going to preach that. I may just skip right over the honeymoon and let you fill in the blanks. How's that? Yeah. You just have your own blanks, okay?

I want you to see something from this couple, because in my opinion, there are really two decisions you'll make in life that are important. First, and this is the most important decision you'll make in life, is the decision to follow Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. No doubt about it, that is the most important decision anybody will make.

The second most important decision a person will make (and that's why I say our society doesn't take this seriously enough) is in regard to the person they want to spend the rest of their life with in marriage. You can almost look at these verses as them courting each other and getting to know each other. They have every intention to get married, but until you say, "I do," there is always time to get out of that relationship. Let's look at what characterizes this relationship before they say, "I do."

1. True love communicates through actions and deeds. We see the man's actions in verses 8-9. This is the voice of the woman, but notice how she describes her man. She says, "The voice of my beloved!" When you're in love, you can always tell the difference between your lover's voice and other voices. She says, "Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice."

Now what we see here on her part is anticipation. She's in tune with her man. In fact, I think they're both in tune with each other, because at this point they're getting to know each other. They're very transparent, and they're sharing their background. They're sharing some of the things they've experienced in life, and they're very open about what they have experienced in life.

So she's in tune with her lover, she anticipates his actions, and she knows from his actions that he loves her. His actions communicate love. You see, actions speak louder than words, right? Notice the excitement on the part of the man. She hears his voice, and then she says, "Oh, there he is, leaping over the mountains!" That's excitement! He can't wait to get to her house.

"I can't wait to see my woman!" He's not ashamed. You see, his actions say he loves her, he appreciates her, and he has affection for her. His actions say he wants to be with her and he wants to get to know her better. I remember when Christy and I first started dating. She lived in Denton, Texas, and I lived in Dallas.

We didn't have texting back then. I didn't even have a cell phone until 1998. Yeah. My daughter was born, and then we got a cell phone. We didn't have texting. When we got married, we got email. We had Juno. Does anybody remember Juno? Remember dial-up? Yeah. Boy, have we come a long way. Praise God. We didn't have social media. We couldn't Snapchat (and I don't think you should anyway), so we got on the phone.

I remember nights of just staying on the phone, and I can't remember if she fell asleep or if I fell asleep, but there would be nights when we would talk and talk and talk. Then, of course, we wanted to talk to each other during the day. We wanted to hear each other's voice. Now she can't even get me to stay in the kitchen. "You stay in the kitchen and listen to me, okay?"

We were in love, and we wanted to get to know each other. That's what's happening here. I want you to see the greatest exhibition of his love for his woman. How did she know that he loved her? Look at verse 9. "My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice."

He's at her house, and he's not a Peeping Tom. He is showing respect and restraint for his girl. You see, he doesn't want to go outside of the will of God in this relationship. He doesn't want to move ahead too fast, because he wants to show restraint, and that's what she has been doing as well. She has been making that oath, "Do not awaken love before its time."

So he's at her house, but he's showing respect because he wants her to know, "You're more than just a toy for me. I respect you, and I'm going to show restraint." Ladies, listen. If you're with a guy right now who shows you no respect or no restraint, don't think that's going to change when you say, "I do." It won't happen.

Actions always speak louder than words, and his actions communicated to her that he loved her and was proud of her. He did all he could to be around her, to get to know her. So he communicates love through action. Both of them also communicate with their words. Verse 10: "My beloved speaks and says to me…" Now she's quoting an invitation that he has given her.

"Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely."

Man, he had a way with words, but what you see here is him communicating…not only with his actions, but with his words. These verses are filled with praise. They are praising one another. They are passionate for one another. Notice that throughout the whole book she has been calling him "my beloved," but she does so five times in this passage. In verse 8, she says, "The voice of my beloved!"

Again in verse 9, "My beloved…" Again in verse 10, "My beloved…" Then you go down to verse 16: "My beloved…" This is the woman speaking of her man, the one who she loves. She called him "my beloved." Again in verse 17, "…my beloved…" These are terms of endearment. She loves this man, so there is praise in her words for this man, and he does the same thing she does.

In verse 10, he says, "Arise, my love, my beautiful one…" Guys, that would get you some points every morning. "Arise, my love, my beautiful one. Here's your coffee. Here's your breakfast." He does it again. In verses 13-14, he says, "Arise, my love, my beautiful one… O my dove…" What you see here are their words. They're building each other up. They have terms of endearment.

It's like, "Hey, honey," or, "Hey, babe." You know, something like we do today, but, "Hey, my beloved," or "Hey, my beautiful one." So there is praise. There is also passion. I mean, in verses 11-13, he's inviting the woman. He says, "Look, spring. The winter is gone. It's springtime. Let's get out onto the countryside," because he wants to spend time with her…not intimately, but emotionally, just to get to know her better.

Verse 11: "…for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come…" It's springtime. There were a couple of days last week when it just felt good, right? It was great. The flowers are blooming. It wasn't too muggy, like it is today. They were perfect days, and I felt like a dog. I wanted to roll down my window and just stick my head out while I was driving. I envy dogs sometimes when they do that, especially when they have big smiles on their faces.

I thought, "What does springtime speak of? Freshness and new life." That's what we see here in this relationship. They are in love, and there is a freshness and new life about their relationship. Now we're all thinking, "Yeah, that's because they're not married yet." That is true to some degree.

I remember we had family members who were kissing each other all the time before they got married. They used to say, "Why aren't y'all kissing each other all the time?" "Well, you'll get married, and you'll see why." They got married, and they don't kiss each other all the time like they used to.

There is a freshness and newness to their love, and then in verse 14 he says, "O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face…" He is saying, "I want to be with you. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you." We see the communication of love in actions and in words.

True love communicates, because actions speak louder than words. If you think you can change that person after the fact, that's most likely not going to happen. Actions speak louder than words, and words reveal what's in the heart. True love will communicate love and care through actions and concerns. It reminds me of a story that Norman Wright told many years ago.

It came from the Reader's Digest. It was about a man named Johnny Lingo. He lived on this island in the South Pacific. He had a great reputation on the island. People respected him. He was smart, but when he chose his wife, everybody was really shocked and in disbelief. You see, the tradition on that island was that when a man wanted to marry a woman, he had to go and give cows to the father of the woman.

So if she was a good woman, you'd give four to six cows, so a four- to six-cow woman was a good woman. Well, Johnny gave eight cows for his woman, and the reason people were in disbelief was because she wasn't an eight-cow woman. She wasn't even a four- to six-cow woman. She was skinny. She was plain. Her shoulders and back were hunched over. She kept her head down, so people were thinking, "Man, his father-in-law stuck it to him."

People couldn't understand why you would give eight cows for a woman who is not even worth four to six cows. Well, time passed, and they were still in disbelief, but not because he paid eight cows; all of a sudden, this eight-cow woman became an eight-cow woman. She was no longer shy. She was beautiful and confident now. Everybody saw this transformation, so they asked Johnny Lingo, "What has happened to your wife?"

He said, "Well, I wanted an eight-cow wife, so I paid eight cows, and I started treating her with love and communicating my love through actions and words, and guess what. Now I have an eight-cow wife." Listen, if you want an eight-cow spouse, you need to communicate through your actions. Some of you are thinking, "Well, I'm married, and my husband is not even a four-cow husband."

Listen. I have found out that if you think your husband is a four-cow husband, he'll live up to that every time. You think your wife is a four-cow wife? She'll live up to your expectations every time. But when you start to communicate your love through your actions and through your words, a power about that exists that can actually transform a person's life. If you're not married yet, you're about to get married, or you are married, you want to make sure you are communicating your love through your actions and your words.

2. True love is conscientious about the pitfalls and obstacles that challenge relationships. Now we come to verse 15, and it was probably a popular proverb during that time. It says, "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom." The vineyard there is their relationship. They are in love, and it's in blossom, but they realize every relationship has these little foxes.

There are pitfalls and obstacles. There are dangers and troubles that every relationship faces, especially marriage relationships. They understand that. They're not wearing these rose-colored glasses. They understand that every relationship is going to face its pitfalls and dangers, so they say, "Catch those little foxes."

You see, it was normal for foxes to get into the vineyards, and they would dig at the root for bugs, and sometimes they would kill the vine or they would eat the grapes. What the couple is saying is this. "We have something good here, but we need to realize every relationship will have its pitfalls. Every relationship will have obstacles to challenge."

When I marry a couple, we do premarital counseling, and I usually have them take a test. What this test does is expose and show them the relationship strengths and possible growth areas. We cover all kinds of areas: role responsibilities, sexual expectations, parenting expectations, in-laws and family stuff, their personalities, how they relate to each other…all kinds of areas.

The reason I have them take this test is that I want them to realize, "Listen, you're planning a wedding, but I'm preparing you for the marriage. What takes place after you say, 'I do,' is that there are going to be pitfalls, and there are going to be obstacles in your relationship." I want them to be prepared for those challenges.

That's what the lovers are doing in this passage. They're conscientious of these pitfalls, and they're aware that every relationship… You see, when two people come together, you have two sinners. Whenever you get two sinners in the same room, you're going to have a problem. I have a problem with just myself, and I'm a sinner. I have a problem with myself, let alone another person I get into a relationship with. You're going to have pitfalls and dangers.

These pitfalls and dangers can destroy your relationship or they can become agents for growth, and for that to happen there needs to be commitment. There needs to be commitment to grow with one another through the challenges, and she expresses that commitment in verse 16. She says, "My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains."

She uses covenantal language, and she says, "We belong together." That's language we see throughout the Scriptures. God declares through this whole unfolding plan of redemption… You see this throughout the Bible. God says, "I will be their God, and they will be my people." There is a commitment that God makes to us, his people.

"I will always be with them. I will never leave them. My love will never fail them." Likewise, in a marriage relationship, in a covenant relationship, there needs to be that commitment that says, "You know what? We belong together. He is mine," or "She is mine, and I am hers." There is a sense of belonging. That's the commitment that's needed. "We're going to grow through these pitfalls, and we're going to grow through these obstacles."

Christy and I met in Bible college. In fact, the place where we really started sensing that we belonged to each other was in a class called The Dynamics of Family and Marriage. It was a great class, and we were talking about Christian marriage and family because it was part of the curriculum. As you're in the ministry, you need to know how you're going to communicate Christian values and be a counselor.

We were told to break up into these small groups, so we all got into these small groups, and we were supposed to share our backgrounds with one another. We went around to each person, and we got to Christy, and she shared her background, and we have very similar backgrounds in terms of family. There were multiple divorces in our families. When she told her background, I said this.

I looked her in the eye, and I said, "We have a lot in common," and she just melted in her chair. (I think she said, "You had me at hello." Maybe I was at a movie. Maybe that was a movie I was watching.) But she will tell you it clicked, and from that moment on we watched God really give us that sense that we belonged together.

Now we're 19 years into this. We still belong together, and it's that commitment that says, "You know what? We're going to face pitfalls. We're going to face obstacles, but we're going to grow through these." That's the person you want to marry, the one who says, "You know what? I'm committed to this. I'm committed to grow with you through these pitfalls and obstacles."

That's who you want to be as a husband or wife, one who says, "I'm committed to you." Here's another commitment I want you to see in this passage. It's really a commitment to God, a commitment to God that you will become the right person as you wait for the right person and time. Now we come into chapter 3, and we find the woman in a dream. She says:

"On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not. The watchmen found me as they went about in the city. 'Have you seen him whom my soul loves?'"

Verse 4: "Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me." She loves this man. She's having a dream about him. She wants to spend the rest of her life with him, and yes, she wants to be with him intimately, but she understands she has to wait for the right time.

That's what verse 5 is about. Verse 5 is her making an oath and declaring that she is going to wait for the right time. She has already found the right person, because they're about to get married, but now she's waiting for the right time, and the right time to express her desire to be with him intimately and to consummate that relationship is next week. You might want to be here for that.

Listen to verse 5. They have already done this in verse 7 of chapter 2. "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." She's saying, "Wait on God. Don't take things into your own hands. Wait for God. Wait for the right person. Don't look at your relationship the same way the world does. Allow the Scriptures to form and control you, and allow God to be in first place in your relationship."

She is saying, "Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Don't do it." She's putting it under God's timetable. What I have found is, especially if you're not married and you're trying to find that right person, it's more important that you become the right person than you find the right person. Let me tell you why. Let me give you an example.

I have an acquaintance. She lives in Texas, and she's five years older than me, which means she's almost 50, and I hate saying that. She has had relationship after relationship after relationship, and she says, "I just can't find the right man." I said, "Because you're not the right person. You're so focused on finding the right man that you're not allowing the gospel to change or transform your life. You want the right man? Good. But you ought to become the right person so you can attract the right man. That means you need to fall in love with Jesus."

I told her, "You need to put Jesus first in your life. Stop making finding a man or finding a woman your god, because whatever controls you is your god. Instead, allow the gospel to transform you, and become this godly person who loves Jesus, and I guarantee that if you will focus on Jesus, serve Jesus at his time, he will bring the right person." That's what the woman is saying in this passage. "I'm waiting for the right person. I'm waiting for the right time. I'm giving my life to God."

She is, in essence, saying, "I'm going to be the right person so I can get the right person." This really speaks to us…not only those of us who are not in a relationship, but to husbands and wives, because when you say, "I do," you enter into a covenant relationship with your spouse, and those vows are what dictate that relationship.

Sometimes we get so frustrated in our marriages because that person we married is not the right person, or so we think. But have you ever thought about whether or not you're the right person? See, the one person you can change in a marriage relationship is yourself, and you can allow the gospel to transform you. It's amazing how when you become the right person, you can influence the people around you to do the same.

Become the right person. Allow the gospel to change you from the inside out on a daily basis. The gospel is all about life change. It's about allowing God to make you more like Jesus. It's about allowing the grace of God to come into your life and to teach you how to walk in grace. Many of us are in bondage, and we really don't understand grace.

I don't even fully understand grace. I find, time and time again, that I have a lot of legalism in my life. I'm still trying to learn how to walk in the power of grace and in the power of the gospel. I'm still trying to allow God to make me the right person because when I stand before God and I stand before Christ, he's not going to say, "Well, was Christy the right person?" He's going to say, "Patrick, were you the right person in your marriage?" He's going to hold me accountable for myself.

Let's bow our heads and our hearts. I want to speak first and foremost to young people, people in relationships who may be contemplating marriage. This last point really speaks to everyone here. We ought to become the right person, period, by committing our lives to God, committing our lives to Christ every day, and allowing the fruit of the Spirit and the gospel to transform us from the inside out.

That's God's ultimate goal for every one of us who have trusted Jesus Christ, that we'll be conformed to the image of Jesus. I challenge every one of you here today, but especially those who are anticipating being in a marriage relationship one day, that this is the time for you to commit yourself to Christ and to allow him to make you more like him on a daily basis. You become the right person as you wait for the right person and the right time.

I want to challenge husbands and wives this morning, because so many times we get into our marriage relationships, and we let the years pass, and we let these little foxes come into our relationships, and they begin to destroy our marriages, our families. I want to speak to you, husband. I want to speak to you, wife. Allow Jesus to make you the right person.

For husbands, that means you love your wife as Christ loved the church. He gave his life for the church. He laid down his life for the church. He gave up his rights for the church, and yes, husbands, I am saying that to you. He calls us to do the same thing for our wives, to sacrifice our lives for our wives, to give up our own interests for their interests, to look out for them before we look out for ourselves.

Wives, he calls you to submit yourselves to your husbands as you submit yourselves to the Lord. Allow the gospel to change you. Allow the gospel to make you the right person, and you begin to love that three-cow husband with the love of Jesus Christ, and you begin to express the love of Christ to that husband, and you begin to express the love of Christ in your actions and your words, and you watch. Maybe by the power of God you could influence him to become all God has called him to be as a husband.

I want to challenge husbands and wives today. Listen, if you have little foxes in your relationship that are challenging your relationship, don't put it off. Go to a counselor. I've been to a counselor for every problem in the world, and I'm not ashamed to tell you, and I'm not ashamed to tell you God has given counselors so we could help. Do not let those foxes destroy your marriage.

Find help. And husband, lead your wife. Lead your wife to that counselor. You be the spiritual leader. Young people, take marriage seriously, and don't take dating as seriously as you do. Wait for that right person, and as you wait, become that right person. Love Jesus. The most attractive person in my regard is a person who loves Jesus more than life. Become that person.

Some of you here this morning can't become the right person until you trust Jesus as your Lord and Savior. God is speaking to you right now. You know who you are. You've never committed your life to Christ. You've never turned from your sin and placed your faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Today is the day of salvation. Give your life to Jesus.

Father, I want to thank you for this young man, a young man who was invited to come to church last Wednesday, came this morning, and now is ready to give his life to you. Thank you, Lord, for that. Father, I also want to pray for marriages that are here. All of us face pitfalls, obstacles, dangers, and troubles. I pray that we would be committed as husbands and wives, first and foremost to the gospel, to you, and committed to living out the gospel in our marriages.

I want to pray for those who have gone through some hard times in their relationships, and some have even experienced divorce, God. I thank you for grace, and I want to pray, God, that you minister to them this morning. Just pour out your love. I just claim this promise that you work all things for the good of those who are called by God, who love you and are called by God. Encourage them this morning. Father, thank you for this time. Be glorified. In Jesus' name, amen.

I Think I'm in Love--Part 2

First Southern Baptist Church

Dr. Patrick Mead

Series: God's Love Song

May 4, 2014

I Think I'm in Love – Part 2

Song of Solomon 1:4-6, 9-17; 2:1-7

It's Senior Adult Sunday. We really have some cool senior adults. Do you know that? Just to show you how cool they are, in their Sunday school they were learning about alcohol and drugs last week, and one them said, "Wow, we learned about alcohol and drugs in Sunday school and sex in the worship service." I love our senior adults. They're great.

Last week's sermon made for very interesting conversation around the lunch table at the Mead house. I asked my oldest daughters, "What did you think of the sermon?" It went something like this: "Awkward. Is that really in the Bible?" "Yeah, it's in the Bible." Then I think it was Abigail who said, "Well, I'm working in KidsLife until this series is over." I said, "Oh no, you're not. You're going to be in here every one." She says, "Well, I'm not going to be in there for the wedding night."

The Song of Solomon is in the Bible, and it is the Word of God. It is about marriage. It's God's gift to us, marriage and love and romance and intimacy. It is in the Scriptures. It is in the Word of God, because God created intimacy. He created romance and love. It's the fall that has perverted all these things God has created. Remember when God created everything he said it was good. When he created man and woman, he said it's very good. Then he says it's not good that man be alone, so he created Adam and Eve. So all of this is from God. It's God's gift to us.

The Song of Solomon is an idyllic picture of the relationship between husband and wife, man and woman, in the context of a covenant relationship. It's an intimidating book. It's also a very difficult book. There are different interpretations. There are those who believe the couple is already married when the book starts. I can understand that. Then there are those who hold to the view they're in the process. They're in love, then they get married in the middle of the book, and everything after the middle of the book is life after the wedding.

At this time I hold to that view, so that means as we study this and we look at the first three chapters, it's pre-marriage. It's a couple that is in love, and they're anticipating getting married. I said this last week. The first unit of thought starts in verse 2 of chapter 1 and ends in verse 7 of chapter 2. In that unit of thought you have anticipation.

They're anticipating the wedding, and they're anticipating life beyond the wedding, especially the woman. The woman is the most expressive in this book. I just read last week they didn't allow little Hebrew boys to read this book because of some of the explicit language the woman expresses. She's expressing her desire for her man, and there's this anticipation to be with her man, to make a home with her man. It's about true romance, about true love.

Last week we noticed true love delights in and takes pleasure in one another. The first four verses start off with her expressing her desire just to lay a good passionate kiss on her man. She wants to kiss him, and there's a desire for her to be intimate with her fiancé, because they anticipate getting married. That is not the root of their relationship.

The root of the relationship is they delight and take pleasure in who the other person is, their character and their spirituality. If you root a relationship in the physical, that will destroy your relationship over time. So they are taking pleasure and delight in who they are, the character, the spirituality. He loves the Lord.

Then we noticed how true love will conquer insecurities so you can give yourself to one another. In verses 5 through 8, she's very open and honest about her insecurities, her fears, her self-doubts. She expresses those, but she also expresses the fact that she's able to overcome those insecurities. Insecurities, and we all have them, will wreak havoc on a relationship, so you have to learn to accept yourself before you can give yourself away. She was doing that. She was conquering her insecurities.

We continue with the love song today, and we see true love that is God-honoring, that is glorifying to God, is what this book is about. It's interesting that the Song of Solomon is like the book of Esther in that it does not mention God. You won't find the name of God in the Song of Solomon. You don't find it in Esther either, but you know God is at work.

Even so, the book is written with the assumption that what takes place in this relationship between man and woman, husband and wife, is in the context of and in accordance with God's will, which is a relationship that glorifies God. Everything you see happening here is in the context of a relationship that is honoring to God and glorifying to God.

1. What we see is a God-honoring relationship expresses value and worth to one another. As Christians, if you think about it, we should be spokespeople for communicating value and worth to all people, because all people are created in the image of God. That means every person, all life, has value, and all life has worth. We should be the speakers and those who speak forth value and worth for all people.

When it comes to the marriage relationship, when it comes to a relationship where you have two people in love, expressing value and worth to one another is crucial, and we see this with the man and woman. Pick up the story in verse 9. We see the man's voice in verse 9. Guys, I do not recommend you use this as a compliment to your wife.

He says, "I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots." Believe it or not, this is actually a compliment, because the chariots of Pharaoh were pulled by beautiful, elegant, strong stallions, and he is basically saying to his woman, "You are beautiful. You are elegant." He's expressing her value and her worth. "You're everything."

Some have suggested he's also saying… I'm going to use vernacular our young people understand. He is basically saying, "Baby, you are hot, and you're driving all the men crazy." It wasn't uncommon for an enemy to take a mare in heat, and what they would do is let that mare in heat loose so the stallions that were pulling the chariots would go crazy. That was a way of attacking the enemy. He's basically saying the same thing to her. "You are hot. You're driving all the guys crazy." He speaks value and worth with his words.

He also shows value and worth by giving gifts. Look at verse 10. He says, "Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments…" It's not that the ornaments are lovely but that she brings out the beauty. The ornaments are bringing out the beauty of her cheeks. Her neck… We see the beauty with the strings of jewels.

So we have the chorus speak up in verse 11, and they say, "We will make for you ornaments of gold, studded with silver." They're saying, "Here. Give her a gift. Express her value. Express her worth. Give her a gift." That's one way you can express value and worth to another person. Give them gifts. Of course, that's not the only way.

Most of you are familiar with Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages. How many of you are familiar with that? If you're not, you don't even have to read the book. You can go online. You can actually understand and find out what your love language is, not only for adults, but they have it for children so, parents, you can understand the love languages of your children.

In his book he identifies five love languages. He identifies them as, first of all, words of affirmation, a person who wants affirmative words. You build them up with your words. That's how you can love them best. Then there's receiving gifts. For people who have that love language, the best thing you can do is give them a gift. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be a big gift. Just give them a gift, and you show them their value and worth.

Then there are acts of service. After acts of service there's quality time. Some people just want you to spend time with them, and that's really what matters. Then the last one is physical touch. Usually, you can tell. The really touchy people are people who have that love language. Usually, they express their love language in the same way, either acts of service or physical touch or quality time.

One of the best things you can do when it comes to expressing value and worth is understanding your mate's love language. It took me several years. I would say early on in our marriage and early on in my ministry it would be words of affirmation because I was such a people person and a people pleaser I wanted words of affirmation, but that can only go so far because sometimes people aren't going to give you words of affirmation. God had to break me of that. I think over the years my dominant love language would be acts of service.

It took me several years to really understand Christy because she's so complicated. No, she's… It took me years to really understand her and maybe some struggles in our marriage, and probably just recently I realized the best way I can communicate value and worth to her is through acts of service. When I clean the kitchen, that's like giving her a dozen roses. Right? And it's cheaper too.

One of these days… She's just waiting for me to start doing the laundry. That would be like giving her a diamond ring. One of these days… I'm going to wait for those girls to get out of the house and take their clothes with them. Oh my goodness, if I start doing it, they'll only have about five pairs of clothes, but anyway…

That's the way you can express it. He's expressing her value, and he's expressing her worth. She reciprocates. Look in verse 12. "While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance," talking about her perfume. What's she's saying is, "My perfume is for him and him alone. I really don't care what the other people think. What really matters is he likes how I smell." So she's expressing his value and worth.

Listen to this next verse. Don't get caught up with what it says. "My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh that lies between my breasts." Get past that word breasts, and there is some good meaning here. She's basically saying, "I hold him close to my heart. I cherish him." Then she goes, "My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi." This is her man.

In fact, she uses a term of endearment for him. Twice she calls him king. She says in verse 12, "While the king was on his couch…" Back in verse 4, she says, "Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers." Some suggest that's the title. Solomon would become a king, but I believe it's a term of endearment.

She's calling him king, and here's why: he treats her like a queen. She says, "I hold you dear to my heart. I dream about you." Women don't dream about guys who treat them with no respect. They dream about guys who treat them like a queen, and that's what she's saying. They're communicating value. They're communicating worth. I think it's interesting because we all have insecurities, and one of the things we can do as couples and as spouses in the married couples is…

2. We can help our mates with their own insecurities. Guys, one of the greatest areas women struggle with is in their appearance, because that's what she was talking about back in verse 6. When she said in verse 5, "I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon," she was expressing her value. She was expressing her own worth because she was able to overcome her insecurities.

Then she expresses her own struggle, and it all ties with her appearance. She says, "Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!" She has this natural beauty about herself, but she acknowledges this is an area where she struggles. Guys, this is one of the areas we can really help our women, help our wives, feel good about themselves, and here's how.

A. Do it with your actions. You say, "What do you mean?" This is destructive across the board, but it's especially destructive to your wife. Get rid of any pornography in your life, because when you look at pornography, when you… We'll take it down just below hard-core pornography, even soft pornography. Soft pornography is all over the television. Do you know that?

We have underwear commercials. We have Victoria's Secret commercials. At 9:00 you can watch a special with these ladies walking around in lingerie. What does it take to buy that stuff? Do you really need all that stuff? Listen, guys. How you view women in front of your wife can really communicate and devalue your wife's worth and value.

At my house… I don't do it just with my daughters. I made a covenant. I have to overcome… Guys, this is an area… We're very visual. I have three daughters at my home. If I'm watching TV with them, if one of those commercials comes on, I either pause it and we'll wait until it's over and we'll get through it, or…

I'm not watching it. I don't want my daughters and I don't want my wife seeing me going, "Oh boy, she's hot. Woo-hoo!" because I care about them. I care about how they think of themselves. I want them to feel value. I want them to feel worth. How dad and how a husband responds is a big key. So dads, husbands, express value and worth with your actions and with your eyes.

B. True love and true romance builds up one another with creative compliments. We have this back-and-forth going here, and now the man speaks up again in verse 15. He says, "Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves." Rabbinic tradition believed when you talked about the beauty of a person's eye you talked about the beauty of their personality, their soul. He's saying, "Your beauty is way beyond skin deep. You are beautiful from the inside out."

Have you heard of the old saying, "Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone"? Beauty can also be to the bone. What he's saying is it's beyond just her physical appearance. He sees her personality. He's complimenting her on her soul, and she responds in verse 16. "Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful." She delights in him, and she's saying it to him. "I delight in you."

Then she says, "Our couch is green; the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are pine." Most likely this is in anticipation here. It could very well be they're out enjoying time together. People in love like to spend time together. I see some couples… The guy walks into the room, and the woman says, "Stop it." "What?" "Stop that inhaling and exhaling. Stop it. I don't want you breathing around me. Get out of here." Do you know what? When you're truly in love, you love to spend time together.

Most likely they're spending time together. They're out. They're lying on the grass, maybe having a picnic, maybe in public. But she's anticipating, "One day we're going to be married, and one day we're going to make a home together. I can't wait for that day when we commit ourselves to one another in a covenant relationship." So there's this anticipation on her part. You know it, guys. We love to hear it. I don't know about you. I love it when my wife says, "You're a stud." I say, "Honey, you're just expressing what everybody else is thinking."

The creative compliments continue. Notice what she says in verse 1. "I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys." We look at that, and we think, "Man, she's feeling pretty good about herself," but that's not what's happening here. Guys, she is fishing for a compliment. You know, "Hey, does this dress make me look skinny?" She's fishing for a compliment. Here's what happens. She's basically saying, "You know, I'm just an ordinary gal. I'm just like all the other flowers in the field."

He responds. He hits a home run. Verse 2: "As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women." He is saying, and let me paraphrase it, maybe modernize it, "When you walk in the room, baby, you're in color, and all the other ladies are in black and white." That's what he's saying. He hit a home run. He understood she was fishing for a compliment. He gave her a compliment. "There's none like you. All the others are thorns."

She responds in verse 3. "As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men." She's a rose among thorns, and he's an apple among all the other guys. Again, she's saying, "You're the stud. There's no man like you." They're complimenting each other creatively.

It says, "With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love." She is telling him, "Man, I am lovesick." Then she gets very expressive again about her desire to be with her man intimately.

She says in verse 6, "His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!" The world would look at this first passage and the anticipation, and especially where the woman is expressing her desire to be with her man intimately… The world says, "Why wait?" The world says, "Act upon those passions and desires," and the world does.

In fact, our flesh says the very same thing. "Why wait? Act upon those God-given desires," but she understands this relationship needs to be in the right context. It needs to take place and things need to happen at the right time with the right commitment. What she does is she takes an oath in verse 7. She's saying it to the daughters of Jerusalem, but in this oath she is basically saying, "I am not going to allow my passions, and they are God-given passions, to become an idol for me."

That's what happens, and that's what the world does. We turn our sexual passions into idols. We let them control us. Whatever controls you is an idol. The world says, "Let your passions go free." She says, "I am not going to do that. I'm not going to allow my passions to go free. I'm not going to allow relationships to become an idol." Even though she's expressing how she's in love with this man, she's sick in love, she understands you have to control your passions for the sake of purity and ultimately for the glory of God.

Notice verse 7. She says, "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." Though she's speaking to the daughters of Jerusalem, she's making an oath. She is saying true love waits for the right time and the right commitment. To act upon those passions, to act upon those desires God has given us and in the right time, is a committed, covenant relationship between a husband and a wife.

She acknowledges the way you keep your passions from becoming idols, the way you keep relationships from becoming idols, is by putting God first, and that's what she's doing. "I'm in love with this man, but I am more in love with Jesus. I'm more in love with the Lord." She puts it all into the context, and that is true of all of us. No matter where you are in life, anything can become an idol, and if we are not careful, we can allow those things to become our gods. What we have to do daily is to seek first his righteousness and his kingdom.

This passage speaks to us. It speaks to singles. Some of you might be single. Some of you maybe were married, and you're no longer married. Here's how it speaks to you. It speaks to you about priority. Don't make finding a husband or a wife your main goal. Don't think, "If I just had a husband or a wife, I would feel better about myself."

Listen. The only way you can really overcome insecurities is by the grace of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I encourage you if you're in that season of life don't make finding a husband or a wife your main goal. Seek Jesus. Seek his righteousness. Love him. Treasure him more than anything else in life.

As Christy's old pastor used to say to singles back in the 90s, "You love Jesus. You serve Jesus. You run the race, and you keep your eyes on Jesus. Every once in a while, you look to the left, or you look to the right. If you see somebody running the race with you, if you see somebody loving on Jesus and seeking Jesus and y'all get along, marry them."

That's what happened to us. She had to really convince me that was the right thing to do. (I'm kidding. I had to beg her, "Please marry me.") Singles, focus. Run the race. Serve the Lord and guess what? Don't awaken it. Don't try to make things work. At God's timing, if it is his will, you will find your mate.

Let me speak to students. Students, don't make priority finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Make priority loving Jesus. That's the best thing you can do. I tell that to my kids all the time. Love Jesus. Don't waste… Listen. You're young. You're not emotionally mature. We see this with all the different things that are happening, with our young people taking their lives. Do you know what that's connected to? Emotional immaturity and falling in love too soon, and it's not even love.

Focus on Jesus. Trust Jesus. Serve Jesus. Grow emotionally. Grow spiritually. Do the same thing as you're running. For my girls, by the time you're 30, that's when you start looking over. Look over when you're 30. Yeah, you can live at home the rest of your life. Sure. No, I'm just kidding. We have to get rid of some of that laundry. Don't make that your focus. Don't awaken love before it's time. Focus on Jesus.

For those of you who might be in a relationship and you're contemplating, "Well, is this the person?" if it's not, then don't waste your time. If it is, then here's what you do. You put Jesus first, and you don't awaken love before it's time. Make sure that relationship is not rooted in the physical but it's rooted in Jesus and it's rooted in who that person is, their character, their spirituality, their godliness. Do they love Jesus? That's all I pray for my kids, and if they really truly love Jesus and if they find a man who loves Jesus, that takes care of a lot of stuff, doesn't it?

Then for us who are married, do you know what? This ought to challenge us. First of all, we ought to be striving every day to put Jesus first in our marriage and in our families, praying together, spending time together with the Lord. Then, guys, I'm having to step up my game with this study. I'm kind of convicted. There's no reason why we can't fan into flame those passions and desires we once had.

I know what God is doing with me as I remember. This is my bride, and I love who she is. I love her character. I love her spirituality, and you need to do that too, husbands and wives. How many of you went home and did the one-minute passionate kiss last week? You're not going to admit it. Okay. Go home, do a passionate kiss with your wife, husbands, and fan into flame.

Think of ways you can compliment one another creatively. Think of ways you can express value and worth to your spouse. Wives, we like it. Call us kings, call us studs, but please, we really like it. Husbands, speak value and worth to your wives with your words and with your actions. The key to all of this, and I always bring it back to this, is we have a fallen nature, and that's the problem. That's why we have problems in relationships. The only way we can overcome that fallen nature is with Jesus. It always brings us back to the gospel.

I performed a wedding last night, and they did a covenant marriage. I love doing those, because I asked them to commit to it. When you do a covenant marriage, you're saying, "We're in this till death," so the only way out is you're going to have to kill each other. In a covenant relationship and in a marriage, and this is what a Christian marriage is, it's about you giving of yourself. It's living out the gospel for your mate. Y'all become one.

Here's what Jesus did for us. He put aside all of his interests, he put aside all of his rights, and he gave himself for us. Right? That's what it means to live out the gospel in your marriage. Husbands, you give yourself to your wife in spite of your own interests, in spite of what it costs you. Wives, you do the same in spite of your own interests, in spite of what it will cost you. That's the gospel, and we need that. All of us need that, every one of us, because we all have a fallen nature.

Let's bow our heads and close our eyes. You're here this morning. All of us have a fallen nature. Every one of us has insecurities. Every one of us has fears and self-doubts. We all act them out in different ways, but the only way you can overcome those insecurities and fears is through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You're here this morning. I want you to know Jesus can make you whole. Jesus can heal you. Jesus can deliver you. Turn from your sin and place your faith in him today.

You're here this morning, and maybe you're in a relationship and you know it's not God-honoring and unhealthy. God is a God of second chances. Do you know that? Come to him in repentance. He'll forgive you. Start afresh today in that relationship. Maybe you're here this morning, and you're in a marriage and you don't have anything good to say about your spouse. The gospel can change your heart. You may not be able to change your spouse, but you can allow the gospel to change you and make you more like Jesus.

In a moment we're going to sing about needing God. If you need Christ as your Lord and Savior today, you just walk down the aisle, grab me by the hand, and say, "Pastor, I need Christ." If you need prayer, I would love to pray with you today. All of us go through struggles. Nobody is perfect. All of us fall, and that's why we need grace.

Father, have your way. Speak to our hearts now as we respond to you. In Jesus' name, amen.