Grace Invasion

Invading Grace

Genesis 37:1-11

Introduction:

Over the past two years, the story of Joseph has been on my mind. Mainly because of what I have been experiencing in my personal life.  During this two year period, I have of often wondered what God was doing.  I have many disappointments and hurts that have plagued me, and discouragement and depression have been my companions.  How does the story of Joseph fit into my experience?

Joseph’s story reveals the power and providence of God, not by grand miracles, or extraordinary divine interventions, but by the sovereign work of God in everyday details of life.  Sin and suffering characterize the narrative of Joseph, but in the midst it all, God’s grace is evident. 

When looking at the story of Joseph, it is alluring to use it as a means of living a godly life.  It’s full of principles for living the good life, or shall I say the God life.  Joseph’s life reveals how to overcome envy, face adversity, resist sexual temptations, forgive those who wrong, and many other lessons.  Though Joseph is the impetus of the story, his father, Jacob is still the dominant character. 

The chapter begins as such, “Jacob lived in the land of his father’s sojournings, in the land of Canaan.  These are the generations of Jacob” (Genesis 37:1-2).  The subsequent verses and chapters are prominent with Joseph, but still include the rest of Jacob’s sons as well. 

Ultimately, however, the story of Joseph and the rest of Jacob’s sons is about God working grace out in the lives of those he has chosen.   The Joseph story is about  God’s grace transforming Jacob’s sons into worthy covenant partners.  The story begins with hatred and jealousy between brothers and ends with them loving one another, a tremendous work of Grace, unparalleled grace. 

Grace is at work in all of our lives, believers, and unbelievers, whether we recognize it, or not.  For the unbeliever, there is common grace, but for the believer, grace moves beyond the common to something special, effectual, and unconditional; a grace that is unparalleled in human history.  What’s incredible about God’s unparalleled grace is how it invades the messiness of life. 

1.       Grace invades the messiness of life

Within these first eleven verses you will find the hidden depths of sin, but as the story unfolds, the sin comes to the surface.  It safe to say that Jacob’s family is dysfunctional, as is every family that is under the bondage of sin.   The messiness of Jacob’s family reveals three things.

First, we find the messiness spiritual pride or self-righteousness.  Verse 2, “These are the generations of Jacob.  Joseph being seventeen years old, was pasturing the flock with his brothers. He was a boy with sons of Bilhah and Zilpah, his father’s wives. And Joseph brought a bad report of them to their father.”  Because there is no overt criticism of Joseph’s sin, many scholars have portrayed Joseph almost without sin.  However, that is a failure of understanding what kind of report he brought back to his father.  

The Hebrew word for “bad” can also translate “evil.”  In almost every other context you find the word used it has the meaning of “evil,” or “untrue.”  Now, the report that Joseph gave his father was probably true to some degree but filled with exaggerations and half truths.   Consumed with spiritual pride, you become blind to your sin and only see the sin in others.  Believe it or not, Joseph is on an evil path.  He’s becoming arrogant, and possibly even a mean and cruel person.  Joseph is becoming a “good-boy sinner.” 

Second, we find the messiness ungodly favoritism.  Notice verse 3, “Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons because he was the son of his old age. And he made him a robe of many colors.”   Sadly, Jacob loved Joseph more than his other sons.  Of all people, you would think that Jacob would not show that type of favoritism as a father.  For he, himself, grew up desperately deprived of his Father’s love.  Isaac overtly loved Esau more than he loved Jacob.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. 

Jacob gave Joseph a robe of many colors.  The robe symbolized love lavished on Joseph, a love kept from the other sons.  Some how, Joseph became an idol in Jacob’s life.  Joseph became the central source of joy and love in Jacob’s life, and as a result, it poisoned the whole family. 

Third, we find the messiness of hate and jealousy.  Notice who the brothers responded to Joseph.  In verse 4, “they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him.” Verse 8, “So they hated him even more for his dreams and his words.” Verse 11, “And his brothers were jealous of him.”  Yep, one big mess of sin.  But let’s face it, all of us are one big mess of sin. 

Good news! It is in the messiness of sin where grace becomes unparalleled.  Most preachers want to moralize the stories of the Bible as a way for us to live godly lives.  You know, five steps to having your best life now, or three keys to a great marriage.  However, the purpose of the stories throughout the Bible is, primarily, to show how God’s grace invades our sinfulness and brokenness,  which we can't overcome otherwise.  That’s the good news! That’s the gospel! 

One look at the passage and you might say, “Where is God in all of this mess?” or “Where is Grace?”  God is at work behind the scenes, so to speak, working out his great plan.  For the dreams that Joseph had were from God, grace invasions, assuring God’s people the destiny for their lives.  Grace assures destiny for life. 

2.       Grace assures the destiny for life

Joseph has two dreams, “Now Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more. He said to them, “Hear this dream that I have dreamed: Behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and behold, my sheaf arose and stood upright. And behold, your sheaves gathered around it and bowed down to my sheaf.” His brothers said to him, “Are you indeed to reign over us? Or are you indeed to rule over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words. Then he dreamed another dream and told it to his brothers and said, “Behold, I have dreamed another dream. Behold, the sun, the moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” But when he told it to his father and his brothers, his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall I and your mother and your brothers indeed come to bow ourselves to the ground before you?” And his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the saying in mind.

The dreams reveal God’s grace invasion.  God is at work.  God is calling a sinful man to become a leader for his people.  If you look closely, you find no mention of God.  God never speaks, but he is working, grace is working.  The two dreams, in essence, predict the end of the story, and one that ends well.  The reason for two dreams is important.  Two dreams reveal that what is going to happen is firmly decided by God, and God will do it.  In other words, God is assuring the destiny of his people, the advancement of his kingdom.    Furthermore, the dreams reveal the destiny of the whole family.  God will fulfill that which he has promised.  You can take it to the bank. 

Not only is God assuring the destiny of his people, but he reveals he will radically fulfill it.  You have to put these two dreams in historical context to realize the radical nature of God’s plan.  In both of the dreams, the older brothers, and the parents are all bowing down to Joseph.  This bowing down goes against the basic social structure of the day. 

The society of Jacob and Joseph was extremely hierarchical and patriarchal.  The younger always bow to the parents, and to the older, especially the oldest.  The oldest son was the one who got the inheritance, and therefore, the younger bow to the oldest. But these dreams turn this social structure upside down.  These dreams are radically socially subversive. 

What God is saying in these dreams is that he is going to fulfill his plan by doing what society says is impossible.  He is going to bring transformation to his people is the way that goes against social norms.  In other words, God’s destiny will be carried out in a way that is counter to what society says is possible. 

Grace assures God’s people of their future glory.  Everything may be screaming impossible, but God says he will do it. He works out his destiny and plans even when it seems that all his hopeless.  Grace invades our messy lives, and assures us, in our mess, that God’s destiny and dream for his people will come to pass.  And assurance is what God’s people need because grace attracts opposition to life. 

3.       Grace attracts opposition to life

Grace and sin are at work in these verses and the subsequent verses.  Grace is the backdrop of the tangled web of sin that we see in these verses.  Pride from the ideal son, hatred, bitterness, and jealousy from the bad-boy sons, and misplaced favoritism from dad are at the forefront on the canvas of God’s unparalleled grace.  The grace invasion given through divine dreams assures God’s plan, but it’s not without opposition. 

The morass of human sin opposes the work of Grace.  First, we have the pride of Joseph, that, if unchecked, would keep the great plan of God from moving forward.  Somehow, in his sovereignty, God uses his sin to bring about his plan, for his pride would set the scene for rejection.  Second, we have the bitterness of the brothers that hate Joseph with a passion. Again, God will use their bitterness to fulfill his destiny for his children. 

In our own lives, as God fulfills his destiny for our lives, we will face opposition from sin.  If you are like me, most of the complications I have come from my sin. I constantly have to battle pride and self-righteousness.  Many times, I am like Joseph’s brothers, and I reject the plan that God has for me simply because it goes against the norm, or it’s not done the way I want it done.  

Good news! In spite of the opposition to grace, God sustains us through it all in Christ.  Following Christ and allowing grace to work in your life does not mean that life will get easier.  It assures you a complicated life, but a life that is abundant and fulfilled in Christ Jesus.  

I Think I'm in Love

I Think I'm in Love
Song of Solomon 1:1-7

 I have a confession to make, and I'm probably going to lose my man card, but hey, it's all about transparency, right?  I do not watch ESPN, at least not enough to say I do. It has nothing to do with the fact that I have all females in my house. I just don't watch sports very much. Of course, if you're a Cowboys fan, who wants to watch it? I've given up on watching them. They make me mad. If you were to look at my life and measure my life, I watch more Hallmark movies than I do sporting events. Yeah, I know. Some of the men have just checked out. "He watches Hallmark movies."

I love Hallmark movies. I have them all down too, because most of them are like this: Man and woman fall in love, and then there's something that threatens their love, but love wins, and they always end up together at the end. I can watch those over and over again. My girls are looking at me. "Amen." They're telling me, "Dad, do we have to watch a Hallmark movie?" "Yeah, we do."

Every year I have to watch The Christmas Card. Anybody with me there, ladies? Come on. Any men want to dare? Any men want to come out with me? I love that movie. Christmas is not Christmas unless I watch The Christmas Card. It's a beautiful, beautiful movie. I can watch them over and over again. God loves a good love story. If you think about it, the very nature of the triune God is love.

God is love, and within the Godhead, there is perfect love demonstrated and experienced between God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Then, of course, there's that wonderful love story in the Bible between Holy God and sinful humanity, best described with this verse: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that those who believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life." What a beautiful, beautiful love story.

But don't forget about the love story God creates between man and woman. We have that in Genesis, chapters 1-2. Adam and Eve is actually a love story, much like a Hallmark movie. They were created by God to have fellowship with God, but they were also created to have perfect love, mutual love and affection for one another. Of course, like a good Hallmark movie, something threatens that.

Disobedience comes and the fall, and what happens after that? There is disaster between God and man. That relationship is now destroyed because of sin, and not only our vertical relationships with God, but now our relationships with other people and our relationships between men and women. All of that is tainted by sin. Fortunately, the story of relationship between God and man does not have to have a terrible ending if you give your life to the saving work of Jesus Christ.

Now even though we have fallen (and we are fallen; we're tainted by sin, and it hinders our relationships), by the grace of God, men and women can have relationships that glorify God, can have a marriage that glorifies God. In fact, God dedicates a whole book of the Bible, believe it or not, to the relationship between a man and a woman before marriage and then within marriage. That's what we're going to be doing. We're going to be spending the next several weeks looking at the picture of what I would consider an ideal relationship.

It's not history, and we have to remember that. This is Wisdom Literature, by the way. We read in verse 1, "The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's." King Solomon wrote this. Many scholars believe he wrote the book of Ecclesiastes toward the end of his life, and we studied that. He came to a point where he realized he had turned his back on God, and he turns back to God. Ecclesiastes is him saying, "Listen, you're only going to find happiness in God."

Then scholars believe Proverbs was written mid-life. He had enough wisdom to write. Then they believe Song of Solomon was written at a very young age, just before he decided he would have over 700 wives and concubines. Yeah, Solomon was this guy who did not take his own advice. Early on, he had this ideal relationship between a man and a woman.

We need to understand it's not an allegory. Some of you may have heard this taught before as an allegory. It's really not an allegory. It's not an allegory of how Christ loves the church, because I'm here to tell you this is a fairly intimate and sensual book, and I don't know if I want my relationship with Christ to be represented in some of the sensuality he uses. It's not an allegory. It's not a drama. It's not a hymn. It's not history. It is a love song that uses poetic lyrics, and it's describing the ideal relationship between a man and a woman, a husband and a wife.

Dr. Danny Akin says the Song of Solomon goes back to the past, but it also goes to the future. It goes back to the past because it takes us all the way back to Genesis, chapters 1-2, where God created man and woman. They would become husband and wife, and they were to live this relationship together, become one flesh. Well, Song of Solomon is a commentary to that relationship. So it takes us back to the past.

It also takes us to the future found in the New Testament, because it points to that picture of marriage we find in Ephesians, chapter 5, verses 22-33, where it says the marriage of man and woman is a picture of the relationship Christ has with his church. So Ephesians becomes the blueprint for Christian marriage. Now it is a very sensual book. It speaks of sexual intimacy within a marriage relationship.

I know some of you are going, "Oh." These young people are going, "Yeah! Did he say sensual? Did he say intimacy?" Oh, you're going to love this book. You really are…maybe. All of us…I don't care who you are…need to understand what this book says for at least two reasons. First, we live in a sexually-charged and sexually-deviant culture, and we the church need to be able to speak into this culture God's plan for marriage, God's plan for sexuality, and God's plan for romance. He actually has a plan. In fact, he has given us a whole book of how it all works out.

The second reason we need to understand what it says is that marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ, the church's relationship with Christ, and likewise his relationship with us. As we study this and as we bring the gospel into it, it ought to draw us near to Christ when we realize what he has done so we can have a personal relationship with him.

I don't know how valid this is, but some believe the book of Proverbs was written to little Hebrew boys, and they taught that to them in the home, and the Song of Solomon was written to little Hebrew girls. I don't know if there's any validity to that, but I will say the woman is doing most of the singing. But that's nothing unusual. They're singing and talking all the time.

Fifty-six percent is the woman singing. Thirty-six percent is the man. Then you have this small little chorus. They sing about six percent of the time. The book is a chronological progression of a relationship. When we start this book, we're not going to watch… Like in a Hallmark movie we watch two people fall in love. They're already in love, and let me tell you, it's hot and it's heavy.

What we're going to see is how they relate to one another before the wedding, and then you get to the middle of the book and they have the wedding, and then how they relate to one another after. We call that "the marriage." Every time I do marriage counseling I say, "You're getting ready for the wedding; I'm preparing you for the marriage, life after the wedding."

This first section really starts from verse 2 of chapter 1 and goes to verse 7. There's so much stuff in there I had to do it in two parts. I've titled it I Think I'm in Love, because this man and this woman are truly in love, but they're not married. What we're going to do is glean into their relationship and see what true love and true romance looks like. Not only does it apply to those who are in a relationship outside of marriage; it applies to single people, it applies to anyone who speaks to a culture that needs to know God's plan, and it speaks to marriages.

1. True love constantly finds delight and pleasure in one another. The woman begins the song. She starts singing in verse 2, and it's full of delight. It's full of passion. It's full of pleasure. Here's what she says, the very first lyric: "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!" Doesn't that sound good? Some of you are going, "No, that's gross." The world loves to put the physical first, and that's why we as believers need to make sure we are renewing our minds constantly.

The world says, "Yeah!" The world always puts the physical as the most important thing in a relationship. If you think about it, physical attraction, because that's what she's talking about here… And it's not just a little, "Oh, give me a little kiss on the lips." She wants to lay a big one on him, like maybe even over a minute. That's passionate. (That's a good way to measure your relationship, husbands and wives. Are you kissing for a minute still? If you're not, go home and time yourself. Get back into practice.)

She is physically attracted. Physical attraction doesn't take work; it just happens. You don't have to work at it. You just see and go, "Wow." They always say, "Wow, he's hot" or "He's a hunk." A hunk of what I don't know, but he's a hunk. They don't say "hunk" anymore. That was my days. Remember the 80s? The hunks? Yeah.

She's not basing her attraction and the goal of her relationship… Young people, listen to this. Her goal isn't to lay a big kiss on her man. No, that's the result. That's the desire she has because he loves her. It says here, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!" Why? "For your love is better than wine…" What a description.

I read through the Bible every year, and my wife always knows when I'm reading through the Song of Solomon, because all through the time I'm reading, I'm flirting with her. I always text her little emojis with a verse. So hey, husbands, you want to flirt with your wife? There are some really good verses in the Song of Solomon.

She is saying, "His love for me intoxicates me. It's like wine." The Hebrew word there for love is somewhat ambiguous, but it is used in other places where it talks about the sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife. So is this woman actually saying and expressing her desire for intimacy with her man? I say yes, and I say it because of what she says in verse 4. She says, "Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers."

Now we have to put this into the context of covenant relationship. What she is saying is, "Man, I can't wait till that wedding night." And that man is going, "Yeah! I'm right there with you." That's what she's saying. "I cannot wait to consummate this relationship." She's actually expressing her physical desire, sexual desire, for her man. She's in love with her man because of his affection for her.

Then she goes on to express a little bit more about her physical attraction. She says, "…your anointing oils are fragrant…" Back then, taking a bath was few and far between. It's not like us getting up… Sometimes I'll take one or two showers a day. I'll take a shower, go mow the yard, and take another shower. I like showers.

But during that time, what the guys would do for hygiene is they would get this oil that smelled good. If they really cared about themselves and wanted to have good hygiene, they would put this cologne on them. What she is saying is, "You smell good. You cover the stink well." That's what she's saying. "You're going out of your way to make yourself attractive."

Every time I read that verse, I think of camp with all of these little sixth graders and seventh graders who think, "I'm not going to take a bath the whole camp. I'm going to be sweaty, and I'm just going to cover it up with all this cologne." Yeah, we say, "Gross," but back then they said, "Woo-hoo, you smell good. You're covering up the stink well." So she's attracted to him physically. There's physical attraction.

There's a good lesson for us here, because he's taking effort, guys, to make himself attractive to the woman, and that's a good lesson for all of us. Ladies, if the barn needs painting, paint it. Do whatever you need to do within reason to make yourself attractive. Guys, comb your hair, take a shower, brush your teeth, and iron your clothes. When I met Christy, on our first date my clothes were all wrinkled. I had no clue until she told me. I always wore my clothes that way.

Husbands and wives, we get married and think, "Well, I'm married; I don't have to keep myself up." Well yes, you do. You have to. You have to do what you can to keep yourself attractive for one another. So there's physical attraction here, but don't be mistaken. Her relationship and even her desire for physical activity with her man is not the root of this relationship.

This is the biblical principle we're going to learn from these verses: physical activity cannot be the root of a relationship, because you will destroy true delight and true pleasure in one another. Even though, yes, she's attracted to him physically and, yes, she wants to have physical activity with him on that wedding night, what really attracts her is the type of person he is.

She says, "Your anointing oils are fragrant. You smell good. But your name…" Here's the most important aspect of what attracts her to this man. "Your name…" That speaks of his character. "Your character, your integrity, your virtue that flows from a relationship with God. You're a godly man. You're a hot godly man who smells good." That's what she's saying. "You have character. You have spirituality. You love the Lord, and that's what attracts me to you."

She loves him for who he is, not what he looks like. In fact, she says, "Your good character and your godly character, everybody knows it. Even the virgins love you." What that means is they're waiting in line. "Listen, if it doesn't work out between you two, I want him." He is a good catch. He loves the Lord. He smells good. Oh, and he looks good too. She's attracted to him.

When we delight and take pleasure in one another, it can't be rooted in the physical. It can't be. We must delight and take pleasure in who that person is, and that's what she is doing. Really, you destroy true love and true romance when you delight in the physical more than you delight in the spiritual and the character aspect of it. You destroy true love, and you destroy a relationship. When a man and woman get married, they intend to stay together. "We're going to live and grow old together."

Here's the problem. If you root your delight and pleasure in the physical… Listen to this, young people. Y'all need to hear this, because one of these days you're going to get married, and one of these days you're going to grow old, and you know what? There are all kinds of things that can affect your physical appearance. You know, health. I have a disease. Y'all didn't know this. Well, yes you did. I'm going to identify it for you. It's called the "furniture disease." Does anybody else have that? It's where your chest drops down into your drawers.

Yeah, things change when you get older. Your physical appearance changes. Diseases can come along. If your relationship is rooted in the physical, I'm here to tell you it will not last. When you grow old together, you want to grow old together because you delight and take pleasure in each other, who you are, who you are as a person who loves the Lord. What we see here is a woman who delights and takes pleasure in this man, not because of his physical appearance, but because of who he is.

C.J. Mahaney… I encourage husbands and wives to read it, and even people thinking about getting married. It's a real catchy title to the book. It's called Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God. It's based upon the Song of Solomon. He said to husbands, in order for true love to deepen, you must touch the heart and soul of your wife before you touch her body. That's what's happening here. He has touched her heart and soul, and now she says, "I can't wait until you touch my body on the wedding night."

Let me just say this. Young people, you're in relationships, and men, boys, you touch heart and mind before you touch the body, and you don't touch that body until you make a commitment and say, "I do." That's how God designed it. Especially if you're dating my kid. Husbands, you know that physical activity you desire? Well, prior to that is you touching the heart and mind of your wife throughout the day. She's a crockpot; you're a microwave. Remember that.

You start touching that heart and mind early in the morning, and maybe by the time you get home it'll be ready. Maybe. So true love constantly finds delight and pleasure in one another, in who you are. Physical activity is part of it, but it is not the root of a relationship. We see that with this man and this woman. Remember, they're not married, but there is that sexual desire.

By the way, sexual desire is not evil. Do you know that? God is pro-sex. You know why? Because God created it. In fact, what God has done is he has made man and woman to become husband and wife. Within that relationship, he has given them sexual desire, to have intimacy with one another. That's how God made us. Sexual desire is actually a gift from God. Where it becomes sinful is when we act upon that sexual desire outside of the marriage covenant.

Like premarital sex. That's sinful behavior, when you act upon that sexual desire outside of the marriage covenant. Or when you're in a marriage covenant and you decide to act upon that sexual desire with someone other than your spouse. That's sinful. Or when you act upon that sexual desire with someone of the same sex. That is sinful sexual desire. But God gave us that desire.

2. For true love to be maintained, you must conquer insecurities so you can give yourself to one another. This woman in her song is transparent. She's open about her fears, her insecurities, and her self-doubts, and she expresses them. Verse 5: "I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!"

All of us have insecurities, because we're fallen people, and she's expressing some of hers. Where she says, "Do not gaze at me because I am dark…" In that culture, a tan… We all go to the tanning salon. We want to look good, because tan is attractive. In that culture, having a tan wasn't attractive. Light skin was attractive. If you were light-skinned you were seen as attractive, because that meant you were indoors all day, which probably meant you were from wealth.

So you have these girls… Y'all know how girls are. They're making fun of her. "Oh, look at her. She's not wearing any makeup. Look at her hair." She has this natural beauty about herself, and there could be some jealousy that they have to go put on all this stuff and she still looks good. I don't know. But they're making fun of her. Then, of course, her brothers were mad at her, and they made her go out to the vineyard and work, and that's why she's so tan.

Then she says, "But my own vineyard…" She's not talking about a literal vineyard; she's talking about her femininity. She says, "I don't have time like you gals. I don't have time to put makeup on and fix my hair." She's acknowledging some insecurities and fears and self-doubts, but I want you to see how she overcomes it. She actually accepts her natural beauty. She says, "I am very dark, but lovely."

The world is telling her, "Look, you don't have beauty like these ladies do, like the daughters of Jerusalem." She says, "That's okay. I don't need the world to give me my worth. I don't need the world to give me my value." In fact, she goes on and celebrates it. She says, "My darkness is lovely like the tents of Kedar." The tents of Kedar were made out of very expensive material. She is saying, "I have value. I'm lovely because I have value."

Then she talks about her worth. She talks about the curtains of Solomon, which means she says, "I'm worthy to go into the presence of kings." Do you see what she's doing here? She has self-acceptance. The world might be telling her, "You don't look that good," but she says, "That's okay; I'm lovely. I have value, and I have worth." That is true self-acceptance.

We need to be very careful, because sometimes what we call self-acceptance or self-confidence is really false self-acceptance. Here's how you differentiate between false self-acceptance, where you don't accept yourself but it looks like self-acceptance, and true self-acceptance: False self-acceptance is desperate and wild; true self-acceptance is focused and self-controlled.

I want you to see how her self-acceptance worked out into the relationship she had with her man. Go down to verse 7. She says, "Tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon; for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions?" "Tell me where you're going to be. I don't want to go down there and be like those ladies who veil themselves."

What she's talking about are ladies who sold their bodies. She said, "I don't want to go out and hang around all of your companions and all of these guys. I don't want them to think I'm out there giving myself to anyone or anybody." She didn't want that. In fact, she said, "I don't want anybody to think for a moment that I find my value in other relationships, that I have to go from man to man to find self-worth."

What we call false self-acceptance are those who say, "Okay, I have to have a boyfriend. I have to have a girlfriend." We think, "Wow, they have real self-confidence." No, they probably don't. It's probably a sign they're looking for value and self-worth, and they have to find it in another person and what that other person says.

I see this with young ladies all the time. Young men too. We call them "boy crazy," but is that maybe a sign you have to find self-worth and self-acceptance in having a boyfriend or a girlfriend? That's not a good sign. Parents, it's not okay. It is not okay that your teenagers are going from boyfriend to boyfriend. That's probably a sign they're struggling with insecurities, which we all have. As a parent, you need to help them through that.

Are they desperate and wild, or are they focused and self-controlled? Focused and self-controlled says, "You know what? I'll wait. I value myself. I find worth in who I am. It doesn't matter whether I have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. It doesn't matter if I'm in a relationship, because I'm lovely in spite of what the world says. I'm okay in spite of what the world says. I have value. I don't care what all of the popular people are saying. I don't care what this group is saying. I don't care, because I have value and worth and I'm lovely." That's what she's saying.

She's focused. She says, "Listen, I don't want to give the impression that I need people to give me value. I'm waiting for you. I'm self-controlled." Insecurities destroy relationships. It's true in marriages as well. We often say, "Marriage is 50/50." No, it's not. It's 100 and 100. You give 100 percent to your spouse, and your spouse gives 100 percent to you. Insecurities will hinder us in our ability to give ourselves to one another. Why? Because we're trying to find value and worth from them. We become these codependent people.

What you should be doing as a spouse is saying, "You know what? I want to make sure my wife or my husband finds their value and worth and knows that, no matter what, they are valuable and worthy." So how do we overcome the insecurities? See, how we view ourselves affects all of our relationships. Not just the marriage relationship, but all of our relationships are hindered by how we view ourselves.

How do we overcome them? First of all, we know God created everyone. Every human has value. Every human has worth because every human is created in the image of God. Everyone has value. Everyone has worth. Secondly, we need to understand that though we are created in the image of God, we are tainted by sin and we have insecurities. Therefore, we need God to help us with those insecurities.

How does he do that? He does it through Christ. That's why the gospel is so important to be the foundation of your life. As believers, we find our security not in what people think about us; we find it only in Jesus Christ. He's our security. It doesn't matter what the world says. What really matters is what Jesus says, and Jesus says, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

The Scripture says that if you're in Christ Jesus, God has a wonderful plan for you. The world may hate you and the world may say you have no value, but you're valuable, because in Christ you're being conformed into the image of Christ on a daily basis. You're valuable and you have worth because of Jesus Christ. Nothing can separate you from the love of God. That is so crucial to relationships and overcoming those insecurities. Knowing who we are in Christ.

The truth of the matter is all of us need security, no matter who you are, and that security is found only in Jesus Christ. All of us are broken. All of us are tainted. All of us have insecurities and fears and self-doubts. True security is only found in the person and work of Jesus Christ. That's it. That's why we always come back to the gospel.

This book will bring us back to the gospel, because this is the picture of an idyllic relationship between a man and a woman, and the only way you can have that idyllic relationship after the fall is through the saving work of Jesus Christ. You find value and you find worth in him and in him alone.