I'm Sorry

Sorry

Song of Solomon 5-6:3

We are enjoying a fascinating and interesting journey through God's love song called the Song of Solomon. We have watched as this couple in love, deeply and madly in love… They made their way to their wedding night. They committed themselves to one another. Then, from a distance, we followed along as they went on their honeymoon and consummated their relationship for the very first time.

It was from a distance because I purposely did not go into great detail about some of the language that is found in chapter 4. I'll let you do that on your own. I don't know about you. For me, it has been wonderful in terms of trying to be a better husband to my wife. We've enjoyed applying it. But what every marriage has to deal with that we're going to see in our text is reality. Even though this is a wonderful love song, reality is about to hit the couple.

You could say, in a manner of speaking, the honeymoon is over. The honeymoon is over, and now a conflict is going to be in the relationship, and they're going to show us how they deal with conflict. Now you'll probably find this hard to believe, but my wife and I have had a few disagreements in our 19 years together. I'll never forget one of our first major disagreements was over an expectation I had.

We were newlyweds. We moved into a youth parsonage at our first church where I was a youth minister, and I had this expectation that we were going to wake up early every morning and have devotions. I may have even used Ephesians 5:22 out of context for my own benefit. You say, "Well, what's Ephesians 5:22?" "Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord." Now my wife has a Bible degree, so she can correct me.

I learned really quickly that Christy is not a morning person. Here's the irony. After 19 years of marriage, we get up early in the morning (she's still not a morning person; trust me), and we read a devotional and pray together. We've had disagreements, fights, over whether we homeschool our kids or put them in the public schools.

We had a real doozy about four and a half years ago right about this time, because I had decided I would send my résumé to First Southern Baptist Church in Bryant, Arkansas, but I forgot to consult her about that. She was rather upset. She put me out in the doghouse for several days. All of these were important issues in our marriage, but I think probably the most memorable and maybe even the most important issue we have fought over revolved around two boxes of Cheez-Its and a box of Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies.

There you go. Those will always have a dear spot in our relationship. We were living in Texas. I know I've shared this story, but you have to go back, because it's one of the most ridiculous fights we have ever had. We've had a few, but this is probably the most. She had bought these things for the girls' lunch. There were two boxes in the pantry, and there were the Oatmeal Creme Pies. I thought, "You know what? I'm going to have me a few Cheez-Its."

So I started eating the Cheez-Its. All I got were two handfuls. By the time I got two handfuls, it was almost empty. I put it back in there. Well, the girls come back behind, and they decide… And I say "girls." All four of them decided they were going to have Cheez-Its, and they grabbed the other full box, thinking the other one was full, and they finished it off.

The next morning, Christy goes to make their lunch. She grabs that box she thought was full, and it's empty. She's mad. She's mad because I ate the box all by myself. I thought, "Well, wait a minute. You girls ate one by yourself." "Yeah, but there were four of us. It's okay if four of us eat it. It's not okay if one of you eats it, so you're wrong." We exchanged words, and war broke out.

You say, "Well, where do the Oatmeal Creme Pies come in?" Well, that's what hit me on the back of the head when she threw it at me as I was stomping off. Let me tell you, if it wasn't for a freak snowstorm… I wasn't about to say, "I'm sorry." She wasn't about to say she was sorry, because we were dead sure, "I'm in the right here." God brought us together. It just goes to show that in marriage, there's going to be conflict, and it's inevitable. Sometimes, as Elton John put it, sorry is the hardest word to say.

With our couple, though we've watched this beautiful love story unfold, as I said, reality is about to hit. Now they're going to face their first conflict, and it's in this conflict that we learn how wecan deal with conflict. I tell couples when I do premarital counseling, "I'm going to teach you how to fight." They always look at me like, "You're going to teach us how to fight?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you mean how not to fight?"

"No, because you're going to fight. My goal is to teach you how to do it in a good way, not a bad way." The couple here does it in a good way. I want you to see their conflict. We see it in verses 2-3. This is a solo. The woman is singing. Remember, this is a love song. She's singing about this conflict. Here's how it starts. Verse 2:

"I slept, but my heart was awake. A sound! My beloved is knocking. 'Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one, for my head is wet with dew, my locks with the drops of the night.' I had put off my garment; how could I put it on? I had bathed my feet; how could I soil them?"

It wasn't uncommon during this time that the husband and the wife would have different sleeping chambers. What we have here is the husband, and he comes and knocks on the door. She's not asleep yet. She's asleep, but she's not asleep. She's easily awakened by a knock. At the door is her beloved husband, and he's saying, "Open to me, my sister, my love." Listen to those words.(Sister isn't an Arkansas thing. That was just saying, "Hey, we're close.")

"My love, my dove, my perfect one." He uses these words of affection. Some scholars believe the man has been working all day, maybe even working late. He comes in, and he wants to spend a little bit of time with his wife in an intimate way. So he's knocking at the door. Her response reveals the source of the conflict. She says, "I had put off my garment; how could I put it on?""I'm not getting out of this bed. I just took a shower. I just put my hair up in curls." "I had bathed my feet; how could I soil them?"

What's interesting is that the wife is showing indifference to her husband. It could very well be that she's mad at him because he has been taking her for granted. Maybe he has been staying late at work without taking into consideration her or her schedule. We really don't know. I remember a "Come to Jesus" conversation, a frank conversation my wife had with me several years ago when I was pastoring in Texas.

During that time, I would spend three to four nights a week away from the family. It got to the point where I probably wasn't even coming home before they went to bed. She had enough, so she sat me down. I had an office at home. I'll never forget that conversation. I sat at the desk, and she stood over me. It was a "Come to Jesus" meeting, and I repented of my sins right then and there. I knew I was wrong. I knew what she was saying was right, because I had been taking them for granted and putting the church before them.

I learned that very day at that "Come to Jesus" meeting that I needed to not take my loved ones for granted, to put them before church. So it could very well be that's what's happening here. Or it's just the fact she's showing indifference. Whatever it is, she is not going to let him in. You see, conflict is inevitable in marriage. She's showing indifference to her man. The apostle James says the source of all conflict… This is true.

When we experience conflict, whether it be in marriage or any relationship, you can go to the source, and the source is sin, and sin works itself out in selfishness. See, the apostle James put it this way. Of course, he was talking to a church, but he says, "What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don't they come from the evil desires within you? You want what you want, and you can't have what you want, and therefore, there's this conflict, and there are these quarrels."

The Cheez-Its and the flying creme pies… Both of our responses were selfish responses. Every fight we have had, for the most part, has found its source in two people being selfish and looking out for themselves. That's what's happening here. We have conflict. Conflict is inevitable. So the question isn't, "Are we going to fight?" You're going to fight, because when you got married and you said, "I do," you married an imperfect person. You married a sinner. Therefore, how do you fight? Not in a bad way, but in a good way. The couple teaches us how to fight.

We see as they teach us that composure is important when it comes to conflict. I want you to see how the man held it together, because you know his pride was wounded. Right, guys? She's basically saying, "I'm going to bed. Leave me alone." It says in verse 4, "My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me. I arose to open to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, on the handles of the bolt."

She finally realized, "Maybe I ought to get up. Maybe I'm wrong here." So she gets up and goes to the door, but when she opens the door, she finds that her man is already gone. Then when she opens the door, there's this liquid myrrh, this perfume. That perfume really was like a love note, a little Post-it, where he said, "You know what? I love you, and I was here."

We see with him putting the myrrh on the doorknob he was basically responding in patient love to his wife. When he responded in patient love to his wife, instead of putting himself first, he put the needs of his wife. He acted selflessly. He didn't act out of his hurt. He didn't act and respond out of his pain. Instead, he left a love note, and he understood where she was coming from. Even though she was being indifferent to him, he didn't allow that hurt to cause him to respond in anger. Not to say he didn't get angry, but he didn't respond in that anger.

Instead, out of patient love, he put the needs of his wife before his own, and because he did that, it revealed that he was trusting God completely. The ability for us to put the interests of other people before our own, the ability to look out for another person's interests before our own interests… I believe that ability only comes when we are trusting God to take care of our needs.For when you are saying, "I'm going to put this person first…"

When I say, "I'm going to put my wife and her needs first. I'm not going to respond and be selfish…" If I'm going to act selflessly, that means I will meet her needs, and I will have to trust God to take care of mine. This is where conflict arises, because we want to take things into our own hands. We don't want to trust God, and we want that person to meet our needs. "You meet my needs. You take care of me."

But he's saying, "You know what? I'm going to act in patient love. I'm going to act selflessly," and he does it because he's trusting God, not only to take care of him (this is important), but also to take care of and change his wife. You know, we spend a lot of time trying to change the other person, don't we? "You're in the wrong here." If it wasn't for divine intervention with the Cheez-Its, I'm telling you what… I was waiting for her. She needed to change. God intervened.

Because of pride we're like, "You change. You change." Who's the only person you can change? Yourself. I want you to watch what happens, because when he responds in patient love and trusts God to take care of his needs, and then he trusts God to take care of her and to bring about a change of heart… I think his response played a big part in changing her heart, because it says in verse 6, "I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned and gone. My soul failed me…"

What is she saying? "I messed up." She may not have gotten to that point that quickly had he sat there at the door demanding that she take care of his needs. In other words, being selfish. Selfishness begets selfishness. That's what he does. He puts her first. Now, because he's trusting God to change her heart, she's having a change of heart. She says, "You know what? I failed. I messed up when he spoke."

So what does she do? She says, "I sought him, but found him not; I called him, but he gave no answer." He left. He didn't leave mad. He left. Then it says in verse 7, "The watchmen found me as they went about in the city; they beat me, they bruised me, they took away my veil, those watchmen of the walls." I want you to see something here, because there's an interesting comparison to watch when you go back to chapter 3.

In chapter 3, before their marriage, she was having a dream about her man, and she wanted to be with her man. I want you to hear what she says about the dream. Chapter 3, verse 1: "On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not. The watchmen found me…" Now watch what happens. When the watchmen found her in our passage, they beat her.

"…as they went about in the city. 'Have you seen him whom my soul loves?' Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me."See, in the dream, she wanted to be with her man. In the marriage, she's making excuses. She's being indifferent.

What is happening now is God has gotten ahold of her heart, and now she has had a change of heart. Now she's going to seek out resolution to this conflict. I believe it all took place because of a man who said, "Instead of me being selfish, I'm going to act selflessly, and I'm going to trust God completely to take care of my needs."

I'm convinced because of our old nature… Every day, if you're a believer, you have to struggle with that old nature, and you have to struggle with selfishness. That's what comes naturally. That's what we call the American way. "You need to look out for yourself. You need to take care of yourself. You need to be happy." Well, the American way is not the Christian way. In fact, the Christian way says you don't look out for yourself; you die to self.

You die to self. You take up your cross. You sacrifice your life. You give it as an offering for the glory of God. You give it as an offering for people. You sacrifice. That's why he says in Ephesians 5 to husbands, "You need to love your wives as Christ loved the church. You need to sacrifice. You need to give everything for your wife."

That's why I believe it takes the power of God to overcome those selfish tendencies we all have. It takes Jesus in us, the resurrection power. If you think about it, who emulated these two qualities perfectly? It was Jesus. Jesus faced opposition. Jesus faced conflict, yet he still acted selflessly. He never, ever put himself before us. He gave himself for us, and he trusted God to take care of him.

God took care of him, because the Bible says that when he gave his life and died on Calvary, God highly exalted him so that the name of Jesus would be above every other name, that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.

He trusted God to take care of him. That's how you keep your composure. It all comes down to trusting God. Let's be honest. We're all going to fail at it. That's where the gospel comes in. That's where grace comes in. The Devil will condemn you. You're going to say things you wish you'd never said. You're going to say things in a way you wish you had never said it.

Here's what you need to understand: God's grace covers all of that. The Devil will try to condemn you. He will say, "Look, you're not living that perfect life." You will not live a perfect life. Christ lived a perfect life for you. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Keep your composure.

The next thing is communication. If you want to bring about conflict resolution, it's going to take communication. We see the steps to resolution in two questions that are asked by the choir. The first question is in verse 9 of chapter 5. The second question is in verse 1 of chapter 6. In the first question, the choir is asking her, "What do you love about your man? What are the things you appreciate about your husband?"

Look at verse 9. "What is your beloved more than another beloved, O most beautiful among women?" In other words, "Hey, tell us all of those good qualities that attracted you to your spouse in the first place." Sometimes we get so focused on the negative… We do. What happens when you focus on the negative in a person? Your heart becomes full of ingratitude.

Let me tell you, when your heart is full of ingratitude toward a person and all you can see is the negative, that person can become the most unattractive person in the whole wide world. Not so with this woman, because she's going to list out all of the things she admires about this man. Notice what she says. Verse 10:

"My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand. His head is the finest gold; his locks are wavy, black as a raven. His eyes are like doves beside streams of water, bathed in milk, sitting beside a full pool. His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet-smelling herbs. His lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh.

His arms are rods of gold, set with jewels. His body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires. His legs are alabaster columns, set on bases of gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend…"

You're thinking, "Is Patrick reading an autobiography?" No, I'm not. I could be, right? Yeah, well, in her world I hope. She didn't say, "Here are all of the things I can't stand about my spouse." You want to bring conflict resolution? Then it begins with communicating the things you appreciate about that person.

You say, "There's nothing good about my spouse." Well, hopefully, at some point, when you said, "I do," there was something good you saw in that spouse. If you say, "There has never been any good in the person I'm married to," then go watch Forrest Gump and listen to what his mama said. It has nothing to do with the box of chocolate.

If you married a person you weren't attracted to, well, that speaks for itself. Every one of us can look, and it's so important that we do that. We take our spouses for granted. Take some time. Begin to write down all of those qualities. Remember when you write those down…it won't be hard…you married a sinner. Oh, and you're a sinner too. So communicating appreciation.

Then, of course, granting forgiveness and accepting it. That takes us to the second question:"Where has your beloved gone, O most beautiful among women? Where has your beloved turned, that we may seek him with you?" Now she's looking for him. Why? Because she wants to bring some resolution and reconciliation to the relationship. She wants to ask for forgiveness.

They're saying, "Where is he? Let's go find him. Let's bring resolution to this conflict." She knows exactly where he is. Verse 2: "My beloved has gone down to his garden to the beds of spices, to graze in the gardens and to gather lilies." She knew exactly where he would be. She's now going to seek him out to bring resolution to this conflict.

Conflict is resolved when forgiveness is given and accepted. Sometimes people ask for forgiveness, and because we're so hurt, we want to say, "I'm going to forgive you next week, because I want you to be miserable for a whole week. I want you to pay." That's not forgiveness. Do you know that? Wanting somebody to be sorry and just… "Yeah, I'll forgive you next week." Forgiveness says, "I understand you wronged me, you hurt me, but I'm going to forgive you."

One of the most Christian things you can do is not only extend forgiveness, but ask for it, because we're not perfect. Sometimes we'll blow it in our relationships. We'll blow it with our spouses, and what do we need to do? We need to say, "Please forgive me." That's where the gospel comes in, because it's the gospel that enables us to relate to one another in grace.

Think about your relationship with Christ. How many times a day do you sin against Jesus? I hope you're not counting, but just to give you an idea, quite a few. It doesn't have to be your behavior. All it has to do is be your thoughts. How many times does Jesus forgive you? Every time, right? Do you know what Jesus does when he forgives you? He doesn't say, "Well, let me tell you how sorry you are." No, he doesn't say that.

He doesn't have this long list of negatives. He has a long list of positives, and all of those positives he earned for you. All of those positives are yours because of what he did for you on Calvary. When you say, "Forgive me," he has already forgiven you. What Jesus says is, "I appreciate you. You're my child. You're my beloved. You're mine, and nothing can separate you from my love."

He says, "I forgive you, and I forgive you every time." That same forgiveness you experience as a believer in Jesus Christ is the same forgiveness you have to express in your marriage relationship, in your family relationships. In every relationship you have, Christian, we have to express the same forgiveness we have experienced in Jesus Christ.

It's so important that we communicate that acceptance and forgiveness, but what holds it all together, what makes conflict resolution possible, what enables us to say "Sorry" when sorry is the hardest word to say, is one word: commitment. Here's what she says: "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine; he grazes among the lilies." This is an element we've lost today. She said, "I made vows to my husband. We belong to each other. When we said 'I do,' we meant it was forever." Commitment is what holds it all together.

Going to the Chapel

Going to the ChapelSong of Solomon 3:6-11; 4; 5:1

Six years ago, I was asked to officiate a wedding. I'd never seen one done this way before, let alone done it. The bride and the groom wanted their ceremony to resemble an ancient Jewish wedding. Instead of here comes the bride, it was here comes the groom. The bride and the bridesmaids waited along with me. They had lanterns in their hands. They waited for the groom to come and get the bride. So when the groom and the groomsmen came in, I then performed the covenant marriage. It was a tremendous experience.

I share that with you today because the study of Song of Solomon takes us to the wedding day of the couple in this love story. It's much like the wedding I performed for that couple six years ago. So it's very important for us to really understand what is transpiring in our text today. It's important that we understand the background of ancient Jewish weddings and the whole marriage process.

It was about a six-step process, and it started with the father, the father of the groom. He had the responsibility of going out and finding a bride for his son. You see that in the Old Testament. For instance, Abraham sent his servant to go and find a wife for Isaac. You see that time and time again. So it was the father who went out and chose a bride.

Once he chose the bride, he then entered into negotiations with the father of the bride. They would come up with a contract and what they call a bride price. It was the responsibility of the father of the groom to pay that price. Once he paid the price, then the couple became betrothed, something like our engagement but a little bit more serious. It was like they were married. For them to break off the engagement, they basically had to go through a divorce. They were betrothed, but they did not live together. They did not consummate the relationship yet. 

So the son went back home with the father, and the daughter stayed with her parents and her father. Then what happened is the father of the groom would decide when his son was ready to go and get the bride. Usually it took about a year because the father wanted to make sure his son was able to provide for the bride. Nobody knew when that time would be, when he would send his son to go get his bride. Only the father would know that.

When he did, when it was time, what the father would do is he would send a messenger ahead of the groom. He would go down to the bride's house to let them know the groom was coming. Then the groom would make his way with his groomsmen. Of course there would be a procession. People would see it was a wedding party. They wanted to go to the wedding party. So it would grow through the journey.

Finally, they would come to the bride's house. That's where the wedding would take place. They would have what they call a marriage feast. Let me tell you, they know how to party, those Jewish people. They didn't do it just for a couple of hours; they did it for about seven days of feasting and celebrating. During that time, the man and the woman, the groom and the bride, would exchange vows. 

Then after the feast, the groom would take his bride. They would go back home to the groom's house, because that would become their home, and they would consummate the relationship. That's what is taking place in our text today. What we're going to see in our text today is what I believe makes a great wedding, a great marriage, what makes a God-glorifying marriage.

1. A great wedding is a celebration. It's found in verses 6-11 of chapter 3. Now in the Encyclopedia of Judaism, it states weddings may take place on any day other than a Sabbath, festival, day of public mourning, or during the period between Passover and Pentecost. The reason is one may neither mix the holiness of a wedding with the holiness of a holiday nor lessen the joy of the wedding with the sadness of mourning or other unhappiness. It was a time of celebration. It was a time of joy. So you didn't do it at a time of mourning.

We see that joy expressed with the groom. In the last part of verse 11, it says, "…on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart." He is excited. He is full of joy that now he is going to commit his life to the woman he loves. Now there are several things that are being celebrated at this wedding.

First, they're celebrating God's providence. Look at verse 6. It says, "What is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all the fragrant powders of a merchant?" Now there's great debate and discussion about the meaning of verse 6. Some believe it stands alone; it's somewhat of a transition verse. Some believe it's speaking of the woman. Others believe it is speaking of Solomon.

I agree with the scholars who believe this is an allusion to God leading the people of God, the people of Israel, out of the wilderness. Look at the imagery there. "Who is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke…?" God leading his people, Israel, out of the wilderness. By making that allusion, what the couple is doing here is declaring that they understand that God is the one who brought them together. This is God's plan unfolding for their lives.

Secondly, they're celebrating God's presence. The Song of Solomon doesn't mention God at all, yet we see God in the actions of the couple. The very fact that they are able to control their God-given desires to be with each other intimately tells me this couple understands that God is first in their lives, and they want to please God. 

Now there's this declaration that God is leading them to this point, and so his leadership has been in their relationship. His presence has been in their relationship. Now he has brought them to this glorious day, this wedding day, this celebration. It's going to be a happy and holy occasion of two people being brought together by God's unfolding plan for them. They're declaring God's presence is not only at the wedding, but his presence is going to be in their marriage throughout their marriage. 

Thirdly, they're celebrating God's protection. Look at verses 7 and 8. "Behold, it is the litter of Solomon! Around it are sixty mighty men, some of the mighty men of Israel, all of them wearing swords and expert in war, each with his sword at his thigh, against terror by night." Now I thought having six people in my wedding was just outrageous, and I had to borrow one of Christy's friends. I didn't even have enough friends. She had too many friends. "Let me borrow one of your friends." I actually knew him, but he was closer to Christy than he was for me.

Can you imagine 60 men, 60 groomsmen? Not only are they just regular guys, but these are the mighty men. He is coming to his bride, and that's the picture. Here comes the groom. Not here comes the bride; here comes the groom to get his bride. As he is coming, he is bringing 60 valiant, fighting men. By bringing those men, he is saying to her, "I am going to protect you because when I take you back to my home, I will give you security. I will give you safety. I will give you protection."

That's what a wedding is. It's celebrating a man taking a woman and saying, "I'm going to protect her. I'm going to secure her. I'm going to give her safety." You don't want anybody at your wedding going, "Oh my goodness, it's never going to work." You want them to celebrate the fact that that man is going to take care of that woman no matter what. 

Fourthly, they're celebrating God's provision. Verses 9 and 10: "King Solomon made himself a carriage from the wood of Lebanon." I want to stop right there, because obviously Solomon wrote this. If I were a king, I wouldn't be building that myself. I'm going to hire somebody, because quite frankly, I can. 

I can't build a thing. I can barely fix a garbage disposal. My wife was so happy that I fixed our garbage disposal yesterday. My wife would love to have a handyman for a husband, but she didn't get one. She got a theologian who doesn't know much. When I do fix things, they tend to be more broken than they were before I tried to fix them. That's why I have to have David, as my friend because I take my lawn mower and stuff over to David.

This is what he is doing. It's King Solomon himself showing his ability to provide from the wood of Lebanon. "He made its post of silver, its back of gold, its seat of purple; its interior was inlaid with love by the daughters of Jerusalem." He did not hold back. He gave his best. He is showing her his ability to provide, to give her security, to give her safety, and he is going to give himself to her completely. "I love you," he says, "and I'm going to give you my best." 

Fifthly, they're celebrating God's participation. This is so important when it becomes a great wedding. Look at verse 11. "Go out, O daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon, with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart." 

Do you see this? Friends and family are all participating in this wedding. They're approving of the wedding. Mom is giving him a crown, and the daughters of Jerusalem are all participating in this. If your friends and family cannot participate in a marriage, a wedding, because they don't think you belong together, then I would suggest don't do it. 

When I met Christy, I was actually engaged to another woman. That's what kind of woman Christy is. She stole me. Actually when I met Christy the very first time, we were at a picnic our Bible college put on every fall for new students. I remember going to the picnic. I had my fiancée, and Christy was on the Student Council. She was blonde and smiley and happy. She introduced herself to me and to my fiancée. Little did I know that she would become my wife.

Now the woman I was engaged to… We had set the date three times and postponed it three times for good reason: her parents. Now at the time, I thought they were crazy. I have since been able to tell them, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you." They were so wise. They had insight, and they knew we really did not belong together. I thank God for her parents and their inability to participate and celebrate us coming together, because God had a greater plan.

I say when it comes to a wedding coming together, you want to have parents and friends to be able to celebrate in the joy of two people coming together because God's plan is unfolding for them. Each time when we come together and we celebrate a wedding, the people who were there and participating, family and friends, want to be able to drink of the joy of that relationship. A great wedding is a celebration.

2. A great wedding expresses commitment to one another with covenantal vows. Now you don't see explicit vows in the text, but they are implied. Remember this is the time during that marriage feast that they would commit themselves together. They would take vows, exchange vows. They would be married. We don't see explicit vows, but we know they're implied.

First of all, verses 9-10. The very fact that Solomon is giving his best to the woman is a sign he is committing himself. Then we see it in chapter 4, because in chapter 4, the man begins to really use creative compliments for his bride. Look at verse 1. "Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful!" 

Now go down to verse 7, and you see kind of an inclusio there. In verse 7, it says, "You are altogether beautiful, my love…" So what he does in the first seven verses is he begins to express his commitment through creative compliments. He talks about the beauty of the woman he is about to commit his life to and exchange vows with. 

He says, "Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead." Now we don't understand that, but they lived in a shepherd culture. They could picture these goats with this long, black hair. As they were going down the mountains, the sun would shine. Their coats would shimmer. He is basically telling her, "Your hair is beautiful, just like goats." 

Oh, it gets better. Listen to what else he says. Verse 2. I love this one. "Your teeth…" Now is Dr. Hogue here? All right. He is my dentist. Now they didn't have the great dentistry we have today, so this puts all of this in perspective, okay? "Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing…" 

In other words, they're white, but not only are they white. "…all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young." "You have white teeth, and none of them are missing," is what he is saying. Obviously she wasn't from Oklahoma, right? That's what he is saying. "You have beautiful hair. You have all your teeth. They're white." Oh, and he doesn't stop. 

"Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stones; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense." 

Verse 7: "You are altogether beautiful, my love…" Watch this. This shows you that love is blind. He says, "…there is no flaw in you." Now Christy's grandfather, before we got married… In fact, her grandfather and her dad walked her down the aisle. Her grandfather said, "Now are you sure you want to go through this? You know love is blind, and marriage is an institution. You're about to commit yourself to a blind institution for the rest of your life."

The truth of the matter is when two people come together, they are fallen people because of sin, amen? Yeah. We are imperfect people. We have sin in our lives. What is he saying? The word he uses where it says no flaw is the same word that is used of the animal sacrifices you are to bring without any blemish, no flaw. He is saying she is perfect.

Now he knows she is not perfect, but what he is saying, and what the implication here is, "You're perfect for me. You're mine. God has brought us together. You are the right one, and you are perfect. You are without flaw." Quite frankly, when you get into marriage, it's pretty wise that you think… I know my wife does. She has to have some kind of glasses on to think I'm something. The reality is love covers over a multitude of sins, right? What he is saying is, "There is a commitment in this that I love you. I'm committing myself to you. You are mine."

Now the reason I believe they've made that commitment is because of what he says in verse 8. The very next thing he says in verse 8 is, "Come with me from Lebanon, my bride…" Now he is calling her bride. No longer love. Now she is my bride. He says, "Time to come home." In other words, they've committed their lives. They've exchanged vows. They are now in a covenant relationship. They are in a marriage. Now he says, "It's time to go home."

We live in a day where couples don't take vows very seriously anymore. That's why I love doing covenant marriages, because when a couple says, "We want to do a covenant," I try to encourage them because what you are saying is, "We are going to be really serious about these vows. What we say to one another on that wedding day is how we will relate to one another." We don't see that much today, do we?

I want to share some vows I came across last week. They're based upon Ephesians, chapter 5, and I think I'm going to incorporate these into my covenant marriages. I want you to hear what the husband says. It's on the back of your bulletin. I put them on there so you could have them. This was written by Paige Patterson and his wife, Dorothy. It is based upon Ephesians 5, verses 22-23. 

The husband says, "I covenant today, sacrificially to love you as Jesus loves His church. I covenant to bestow always upon you abundant honor. I will seek to know your needs and to provide for them materially, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I will seek your wellbeing, happiness, and success above my own. 

Above all, I covenant to be the spiritual leader of our union, to provide a spiritual example through my walk with Christ, to teach the Bible, to pray for my family, and to lead family worship. I will be faithful to you physically, mentally, and emotionally and avoid all that is pornographic, impure, or unholy. I will not be angry or bitter against you nor allow the sun to go down on my wrath. I will not keep books on evil. 

I will cultivate tender affection for you both in private and in public. I will compassionately give to you my body and spirit in the union which we alone enjoy together. I covenant this day to accept the role of servant leader and to be to my children and grandchildren, should God grant, a compassionate, encouraging, and guiding father. This day I seal this covenant for as long as we both shall live." Those are covenant vows. 

Now listen to the woman's. "I covenant this day to love and respect you with all the fervency of my being. I covenant to make our home a place of repose and comfort. I will honor you as the spiritual leader of our home. I will devote myself to you and the offspring God may give above all others. I will graciously submit to your servant leadership never allowing the sun to go down on my wrath.

I will not keep books on evil. I will regard my responsibilities as wife and mother as priority above all else except God. I will seek your wellbeing, happiness, and success rather than my own. I will compassionately give to you my body and spirit in the union which we alone enjoy together. This day, I seal this covenant for as long as we both shall live."

Both of those vows say, "I'm giving myself for you." That's what I tell couples all the time. It's about giving yourself 100 percent to your spouse. If you will give yourself 100 percent to your spouse and your spouse gives 100 percent, you don't have to worry about yourself. That's what happens in the text. They make a covenant. They exchange vows. They take those vows very seriously. A great wedding expresses a commitment to one another with covenantal vows.

3. A great wedding anticipates the consummation of the marriage. Now they've committed themselves. Now they're ready to go on a honeymoon, or at least the guy is. In fact, to say he is a little excited is probably… Well, yeah. He is very excited, and I want you to hear what he says. Verse 8. This is why I say they've already made the commitment. Now he says, "Let's go to my house. Come on." 

"Come with me from Lebanon, my bride; come with me from Lebanon. Depart from the peak of Amana, from the peak of Senir and Hermon, from the dens of lions, from the mountains of leopards. You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! 

Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed. Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates with all the choicest fruits, henna with nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all choice spices—a garden fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams from Lebanon." Yeah, he is excited. "Come on. Let's go home." 

Here's what she says, "Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits." In verse 1, it says, "I came to my garden, my sister, my bride, I gathered my myrrh with my spice, I ate my honeycomb with my honey, I drank my wine with my milk." In other words, they consummated the relationship. 

They waited. They waited until there was that commitment to one another. Now they can enjoy sexual activity the way God designed it, in a marriage relationship between a man and a woman. It's a sad day when I have to define that, isn't it? It is between a man and a woman. It is in a covenant marriage relationship where man and woman commit themselves to each other until death do they part. That's how God designed it. 

Here's something I want you to see. I know some of the younger families were just so terrified that I was going to be doing the honeymoon. That wasn't so bad, was it? It's really going to get good. This is the best part, because when it comes to a marriage, there is something more glorious than just two people coming together because of God's plan.

4. A great wedding invokes contemplation of the glory of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ. If you read the Bible, then you know Jesus loved to use the wedding ceremony, that imagery, to describe the gospel, right? Well, let's go back and think about the process I defined at the very first. 

If you think about it, in Ephesians, chapter 5, the church is called the…what? The bride of Christ, right? If you go to Ephesians, chapter 1, it says God the Father chose the bride of Christ before the foundation of the earth. Uh-huh. Right? That's what it says. God the Father chose us in him to be holy and blameless before the foundation of the earth. 

So God the Father chose the bride, and then God the Father paid the price, right? What was the price? Was it silver or gold? No, no, no, no. It wasn't silver or gold, but it was the precious blood of Jesus Christ. It was Calvary, where Jesus would be the price. He would pay the bride price to redeem us from our sins.

Now as believers, we are betrothed to Jesus, right? We are engaged to Jesus. Ephesians tells us the moment you believe, you are given a down payment. You're given an engagement ring called the Holy Spirit. Right? Yeah. So now we wait and we watch. We wait for our groom to come get his bride. He consummates his kingdom.

Jesus used that language in John, chapter 14. He said, "In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself…" I will come and get my bride, and I will take her to myself. "…that where I am you may be also."

A great wedding should always be a picture of the glory of God revealed in the gospel of Jesus Christ. A gospel-centered marriage and a gospel-centered family becomes a fountain of grace for all to come and drink from. So I challenge you today. The King is coming. That's that last, final act we're waiting for, the consummation. The question is…Are you ready? Have you given your life to Jesus? 

He has paid the price, and now we have a responsibility to turn from our sin and to turn from ourselves and to place our faith in the saving work of Christ. The moment we believe in the gospel is the moment we are betrothed to Jesus. We belong to Jesus. Now we wait, we work, and we watch until our groom comes to get us. Have you turned from your sin and self? Have you trusted Jesus? Let's bow our heads and our hearts.

Marriage points to the glory of God revealed in the gospel of Jesus Christ. That's how God designed it. My prayer for you today is that you will be at that marriage feast and that you will enjoy the consummation of God's kingdom because you have trusted Jesus as your Lord and Savior. 

My prayer is for marriages that are here today to become gospel-centered and gospel-focused and to allow the gospel of Jesus Christ to just guide every aspect of your marriage, your relationship, your family, and allow your family to become a fountain of grace so others can participate and others can see the glory of God and the gospel of Jesus Christ.

If you need Jesus, will you commit your life to Jesus today? If you need the gospel to be the center of your life, will you commit yourself to that? Will you put God first in your life? If the gospel needs to be first in your marriage, will you put the gospel first in your marriage and your family? Right now where you are, express the commitment you're making to Jesus today. 

If it's for the first time as Lord and Savior, as we sing, I'm going to invite you to come to the front and grab me by hand and say, "Pastor, I need Jesus." It could very well be that you have strayed, and it's time that you come back and rededicate your life. God welcomes you back always. Husbands and wives, God always welcomes you back. He wants to be first, and he wants to be a part of your relationship. Make that commitment now.

Father, thank you for sending your Son as the bride price, for giving us Jesus so we could have eternal life. For that person here today who doesn't know Jesus, I pray that they would be bold enough to say, "I want Jesus." I pray for that family, that marriage that needs Jesus, God, that you come and you heal them. We thank you for Jesus. Have your way. In Jesus' name, amen. 

Let's stand, let's sing, and let's respond.

Marry Me

Marry Me

Song of Solomon 2:8-17; 3:1-5

All right. I couldn't find a 80s one to use for this title, but it's a good one: "Marry Me" by Train. Take your copy of God's Word and turn to chapter 2 of the Song of Solomon. Last week, I had a church member who is in his 80s tell me, "I've never heard a sermon series from the Song of Solomon." I told him, "Had I not announced it beforehand, you would have never heard it from me."

It's a tough and difficult book, but it's very practical and applicable to relationships before and after marriage. I chose the song "Marry Me" because the passage we're looking at is set in a time just days from a wedding. You could say the man has proposed. He and the woman are in a courtship relationship. I want you to look at some of the words of the song "Marry Me" by Train.

"Forever could never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you. Forget the world now. We won't let them see, but there's one thing left to do. Now that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way. Marry me, today and every day. Marry me." And then there's this phrase: "If I ever get the nerve to say, 'Hello,' in this café…"

Has anybody seen the video? I was going to play the video, but I thought the waitress in the video could have worn a little bit more clothing. I wouldn't want to get any emails, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I realized it's a beautiful song, but then he hasn't even said, "Hello," to the woman, but he's ready to marry her.

I thought, "That really shows a societal problem we have. We do not take marriage seriously enough." People make commitments to people they really don't know. Let me give you an example of that. In our society today, we take dating more seriously than we take marriage. I'm looking at my daughter when I say this.

Let me give you an example of that. I know some of y'all are going to be upset. This is just my opinion and observation, so if I upset you, remember it's just the pastor's opinion and observation, okay? When did we start treating asking someone to the prom like we're asking them to marry us? When did that start happening…where it's almost as if we're proposing to them?

Whatever happened to, "Hey, will you go to the prom with me?" "Sure." I think it's really indicative of our society. We're taking dating way too seriously, and we're not taking marriage seriously enough. The couple who is in this love song in God's Word, the Song of Solomon, is taking the relationship seriously. In fact, they're in love, and they have every intention to get married, but they're not rushing the relationship.

You could say there is an element of courtship. I started watching the Duggars with my DVR. They have the right idea. I think we're going to take the Duggars' plan, the whole courtship thing, for my girls. It's really a biblical idea. That's what we have in these first three chapters: a couple who are intending to get married, but during this time they're getting to know each other.

We've watched how they take pleasure and delight in each other, who the other person is. They are expressing value, worth, to one another. They're building one another up with creative compliments. More importantly, even though at times they're expressing the intimate desire for one another… In fact, at this point it's really the woman, and my wife pointed this out. My wife had the wonderful privilege of sitting under Tommy Nelson.

He was doing a sermon series while he was her pastor, and in that series he correctly pointed out that in the first three chapters, it is the woman expressing her desire to be with the man intimately. They get married, and guess who's expressing after that? Not the woman; it's the man. You'll see that in the text. She has been expressing her desire to be with her man, but they understand there is a right place and a right time, and they control their God-given passions for the sake of purity and, ultimately, for the glory of God.

In our passage today, they're just days away from getting married. The wedding takes place in verses 6-11 of chapter 3, then the honeymoon takes place in chapter 4, and then consummation takes place in verse 1 of chapter 5. I don't know how I'm going to preach that. I may just skip right over the honeymoon and let you fill in the blanks. How's that? Yeah. You just have your own blanks, okay?

I want you to see something from this couple, because in my opinion, there are really two decisions you'll make in life that are important. First, and this is the most important decision you'll make in life, is the decision to follow Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. No doubt about it, that is the most important decision anybody will make.

The second most important decision a person will make (and that's why I say our society doesn't take this seriously enough) is in regard to the person they want to spend the rest of their life with in marriage. You can almost look at these verses as them courting each other and getting to know each other. They have every intention to get married, but until you say, "I do," there is always time to get out of that relationship. Let's look at what characterizes this relationship before they say, "I do."

1. True love communicates through actions and deeds. We see the man's actions in verses 8-9. This is the voice of the woman, but notice how she describes her man. She says, "The voice of my beloved!" When you're in love, you can always tell the difference between your lover's voice and other voices. She says, "Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice."

Now what we see here on her part is anticipation. She's in tune with her man. In fact, I think they're both in tune with each other, because at this point they're getting to know each other. They're very transparent, and they're sharing their background. They're sharing some of the things they've experienced in life, and they're very open about what they have experienced in life.

So she's in tune with her lover, she anticipates his actions, and she knows from his actions that he loves her. His actions communicate love. You see, actions speak louder than words, right? Notice the excitement on the part of the man. She hears his voice, and then she says, "Oh, there he is, leaping over the mountains!" That's excitement! He can't wait to get to her house.

"I can't wait to see my woman!" He's not ashamed. You see, his actions say he loves her, he appreciates her, and he has affection for her. His actions say he wants to be with her and he wants to get to know her better. I remember when Christy and I first started dating. She lived in Denton, Texas, and I lived in Dallas.

We didn't have texting back then. I didn't even have a cell phone until 1998. Yeah. My daughter was born, and then we got a cell phone. We didn't have texting. When we got married, we got email. We had Juno. Does anybody remember Juno? Remember dial-up? Yeah. Boy, have we come a long way. Praise God. We didn't have social media. We couldn't Snapchat (and I don't think you should anyway), so we got on the phone.

I remember nights of just staying on the phone, and I can't remember if she fell asleep or if I fell asleep, but there would be nights when we would talk and talk and talk. Then, of course, we wanted to talk to each other during the day. We wanted to hear each other's voice. Now she can't even get me to stay in the kitchen. "You stay in the kitchen and listen to me, okay?"

We were in love, and we wanted to get to know each other. That's what's happening here. I want you to see the greatest exhibition of his love for his woman. How did she know that he loved her? Look at verse 9. "My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice."

He's at her house, and he's not a Peeping Tom. He is showing respect and restraint for his girl. You see, he doesn't want to go outside of the will of God in this relationship. He doesn't want to move ahead too fast, because he wants to show restraint, and that's what she has been doing as well. She has been making that oath, "Do not awaken love before its time."

So he's at her house, but he's showing respect because he wants her to know, "You're more than just a toy for me. I respect you, and I'm going to show restraint." Ladies, listen. If you're with a guy right now who shows you no respect or no restraint, don't think that's going to change when you say, "I do." It won't happen.

Actions always speak louder than words, and his actions communicated to her that he loved her and was proud of her. He did all he could to be around her, to get to know her. So he communicates love through action. Both of them also communicate with their words. Verse 10: "My beloved speaks and says to me…" Now she's quoting an invitation that he has given her.

"Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely."

Man, he had a way with words, but what you see here is him communicating…not only with his actions, but with his words. These verses are filled with praise. They are praising one another. They are passionate for one another. Notice that throughout the whole book she has been calling him "my beloved," but she does so five times in this passage. In verse 8, she says, "The voice of my beloved!" 

Again in verse 9, "My beloved…" Again in verse 10, "My beloved…" Then you go down to verse 16: "My beloved…" This is the woman speaking of her man, the one who she loves. She called him "my beloved." Again in verse 17, "…my beloved…" These are terms of endearment. She loves this man, so there is praise in her words for this man, and he does the same thing she does.

In verse 10, he says, "Arise, my love, my beautiful one…" Guys, that would get you some points every morning. "Arise, my love, my beautiful one. Here's your coffee. Here's your breakfast." He does it again. In verses 13-14, he says, "Arise, my love, my beautiful one… O my dove…" What you see here are their words. They're building each other up. They have terms of endearment.

It's like, "Hey, honey," or, "Hey, babe." You know, something like we do today, but, "Hey, my beloved," or "Hey, my beautiful one." So there is praise. There is also passion. I mean, in verses 11-13, he's inviting the woman. He says, "Look, spring. The winter is gone. It's springtime. Let's get out onto the countryside," because he wants to spend time with her…not intimately, but emotionally, just to get to know her better.

Verse 11: "…for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come…" It's springtime. There were a couple of days last week when it just felt good, right? It was great. The flowers are blooming. It wasn't too muggy, like it is today. They were perfect days, and I felt like a dog. I wanted to roll down my window and just stick my head out while I was driving. I envy dogs sometimes when they do that, especially when they have big smiles on their faces.

I thought, "What does springtime speak of? Freshness and new life." That's what we see here in this relationship. They are in love, and there is a freshness and new life about their relationship. Now we're all thinking, "Yeah, that's because they're not married yet." That is true to some degree.

I remember we had family members who were kissing each other all the time before they got married. They used to say, "Why aren't y'all kissing each other all the time?" "Well, you'll get married, and you'll see why." They got married, and they don't kiss each other all the time like they used to.

There is a freshness and newness to their love, and then in verse 14 he says, "O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face…" He is saying, "I want to be with you. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you." We see the communication of love in actions and in words.

True love communicates, because actions speak louder than words. If you think you can change that person after the fact, that's most likely not going to happen. Actions speak louder than words, and words reveal what's in the heart. True love will communicate love and care through actions and concerns. It reminds me of a story that Norman Wright told many years ago.

It came from the Reader's Digest. It was about a man named Johnny Lingo. He lived on this island in the South Pacific. He had a great reputation on the island. People respected him. He was smart, but when he chose his wife, everybody was really shocked and in disbelief. You see, the tradition on that island was that when a man wanted to marry a woman, he had to go and give cows to the father of the woman.

So if she was a good woman, you'd give four to six cows, so a four- to six-cow woman was a good woman. Well, Johnny gave eight cows for his woman, and the reason people were in disbelief was because she wasn't an eight-cow woman. She wasn't even a four- to six-cow woman. She was skinny. She was plain. Her shoulders and back were hunched over. She kept her head down, so people were thinking, "Man, his father-in-law stuck it to him."

People couldn't understand why you would give eight cows for a woman who is not even worth four to six cows. Well, time passed, and they were still in disbelief, but not because he paid eight cows; all of a sudden, this eight-cow woman became an eight-cow woman. She was no longer shy. She was beautiful and confident now. Everybody saw this transformation, so they asked Johnny Lingo, "What has happened to your wife?"

He said, "Well, I wanted an eight-cow wife, so I paid eight cows, and I started treating her with love and communicating my love through actions and words, and guess what. Now I have an eight-cow wife." Listen, if you want an eight-cow spouse, you need to communicate through your actions. Some of you are thinking, "Well, I'm married, and my husband is not even a four-cow husband."

Listen. I have found out that if you think your husband is a four-cow husband, he'll live up to that every time. You think your wife is a four-cow wife? She'll live up to your expectations every time. But when you start to communicate your love through your actions and through your words, a power about that exists that can actually transform a person's life. If you're not married yet, you're about to get married, or you are married, you want to make sure you are communicating your love through your actions and your words.

2. True love is conscientious about the pitfalls and obstacles that challenge relationships. Now we come to verse 15, and it was probably a popular proverb during that time. It says, "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom." The vineyard there is their relationship. They are in love, and it's in blossom, but they realize every relationship has these little foxes.

There are pitfalls and obstacles. There are dangers and troubles that every relationship faces, especially marriage relationships. They understand that. They're not wearing these rose-colored glasses. They understand that every relationship is going to face its pitfalls and dangers, so they say, "Catch those little foxes."

You see, it was normal for foxes to get into the vineyards, and they would dig at the root for bugs, and sometimes they would kill the vine or they would eat the grapes. What the couple is saying is this. "We have something good here, but we need to realize every relationship will have its pitfalls. Every relationship will have obstacles to challenge."

When I marry a couple, we do premarital counseling, and I usually have them take a test. What this test does is expose and show them the relationship strengths and possible growth areas. We cover all kinds of areas: role responsibilities, sexual expectations, parenting expectations, in-laws and family stuff, their personalities, how they relate to each other…all kinds of areas.

The reason I have them take this test is that I want them to realize, "Listen, you're planning a wedding, but I'm preparing you for the marriage. What takes place after you say, 'I do,' is that there are going to be pitfalls, and there are going to be obstacles in your relationship." I want them to be prepared for those challenges.

That's what the lovers are doing in this passage. They're conscientious of these pitfalls, and they're aware that every relationship… You see, when two people come together, you have two sinners. Whenever you get two sinners in the same room, you're going to have a problem. I have a problem with just myself, and I'm a sinner. I have a problem with myself, let alone another person I get into a relationship with. You're going to have pitfalls and dangers.

These pitfalls and dangers can destroy your relationship or they can become agents for growth, and for that to happen there needs to be commitment. There needs to be commitment to grow with one another through the challenges, and she expresses that commitment in verse 16. She says, "My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains."

She uses covenantal language, and she says, "We belong together." That's language we see throughout the Scriptures. God declares through this whole unfolding plan of redemption… You see this throughout the Bible. God says, "I will be their God, and they will be my people." There is a commitment that God makes to us, his people.

"I will always be with them. I will never leave them. My love will never fail them." Likewise, in a marriage relationship, in a covenant relationship, there needs to be that commitment that says, "You know what? We belong together. He is mine," or "She is mine, and I am hers." There is a sense of belonging. That's the commitment that's needed. "We're going to grow through these pitfalls, and we're going to grow through these obstacles."

Christy and I met in Bible college. In fact, the place where we really started sensing that we belonged to each other was in a class called The Dynamics of Family and Marriage. It was a great class, and we were talking about Christian marriage and family because it was part of the curriculum. As you're in the ministry, you need to know how you're going to communicate Christian values and be a counselor.

We were told to break up into these small groups, so we all got into these small groups, and we were supposed to share our backgrounds with one another. We went around to each person, and we got to Christy, and she shared her background, and we have very similar backgrounds in terms of family. There were multiple divorces in our families. When she told her background, I said this.

I looked her in the eye, and I said, "We have a lot in common," and she just melted in her chair. (I think she said, "You had me at hello." Maybe I was at a movie. Maybe that was a movie I was watching.) But she will tell you it clicked, and from that moment on we watched God really give us that sense that we belonged together.

Now we're 19 years into this. We still belong together, and it's that commitment that says, "You know what? We're going to face pitfalls. We're going to face obstacles, but we're going to grow through these." That's the person you want to marry, the one who says, "You know what? I'm committed to this. I'm committed to grow with you through these pitfalls and obstacles."

That's who you want to be as a husband or wife, one who says, "I'm committed to you." Here's another commitment I want you to see in this passage. It's really a commitment to God, a commitment to God that you will become the right person as you wait for the right person and time. Now we come into chapter 3, and we find the woman in a dream. She says:

"On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not. The watchmen found me as they went about in the city. 'Have you seen him whom my soul loves?'"

Verse 4: "Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me." She loves this man. She's having a dream about him. She wants to spend the rest of her life with him, and yes, she wants to be with him intimately, but she understands she has to wait for the right time.

That's what verse 5 is about. Verse 5 is her making an oath and declaring that she is going to wait for the right time. She has already found the right person, because they're about to get married, but now she's waiting for the right time, and the right time to express her desire to be with him intimately and to consummate that relationship is next week. You might want to be here for that.

Listen to verse 5. They have already done this in verse 7 of chapter 2. "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." She's saying, "Wait on God. Don't take things into your own hands. Wait for God. Wait for the right person. Don't look at your relationship the same way the world does. Allow the Scriptures to form and control you, and allow God to be in first place in your relationship."

She is saying, "Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Don't do it." She's putting it under God's timetable. What I have found is, especially if you're not married and you're trying to find that right person, it's more important that you become the right person than you find the right person. Let me tell you why. Let me give you an example.

I have an acquaintance. She lives in Texas, and she's five years older than me, which means she's almost 50, and I hate saying that. She has had relationship after relationship after relationship, and she says, "I just can't find the right man." I said, "Because you're not the right person. You're so focused on finding the right man that you're not allowing the gospel to change or transform your life. You want the right man? Good. But you ought to become the right person so you can attract the right man. That means you need to fall in love with Jesus."

I told her, "You need to put Jesus first in your life. Stop making finding a man or finding a woman your god, because whatever controls you is your god. Instead, allow the gospel to transform you, and become this godly person who loves Jesus, and I guarantee that if you will focus on Jesus, serve Jesus at his time, he will bring the right person." That's what the woman is saying in this passage. "I'm waiting for the right person. I'm waiting for the right time. I'm giving my life to God."

She is, in essence, saying, "I'm going to be the right person so I can get the right person." This really speaks to us…not only those of us who are not in a relationship, but to husbands and wives, because when you say, "I do," you enter into a covenant relationship with your spouse, and those vows are what dictate that relationship.

Sometimes we get so frustrated in our marriages because that person we married is not the right person, or so we think. But have you ever thought about whether or not you're the right person? See, the one person you can change in a marriage relationship is yourself, and you can allow the gospel to transform you. It's amazing how when you become the right person, you can influence the people around you to do the same.

Become the right person. Allow the gospel to change you from the inside out on a daily basis. The gospel is all about life change. It's about allowing God to make you more like Jesus. It's about allowing the grace of God to come into your life and to teach you how to walk in grace. Many of us are in bondage, and we really don't understand grace.

I don't even fully understand grace. I find, time and time again, that I have a lot of legalism in my life. I'm still trying to learn how to walk in the power of grace and in the power of the gospel. I'm still trying to allow God to make me the right person because when I stand before God and I stand before Christ, he's not going to say, "Well, was Christy the right person?" He's going to say, "Patrick, were you the right person in your marriage?" He's going to hold me accountable for myself.

Let's bow our heads and our hearts. I want to speak first and foremost to young people, people in relationships who may be contemplating marriage. This last point really speaks to everyone here. We ought to become the right person, period, by committing our lives to God, committing our lives to Christ every day, and allowing the fruit of the Spirit and the gospel to transform us from the inside out.

That's God's ultimate goal for every one of us who have trusted Jesus Christ, that we'll be conformed to the image of Jesus. I challenge every one of you here today, but especially those who are anticipating being in a marriage relationship one day, that this is the time for you to commit yourself to Christ and to allow him to make you more like him on a daily basis. You become the right person as you wait for the right person and the right time.

I want to challenge husbands and wives this morning, because so many times we get into our marriage relationships, and we let the years pass, and we let these little foxes come into our relationships, and they begin to destroy our marriages, our families. I want to speak to you, husband. I want to speak to you, wife. Allow Jesus to make you the right person.

For husbands, that means you love your wife as Christ loved the church. He gave his life for the church. He laid down his life for the church. He gave up his rights for the church, and yes, husbands, I am saying that to you. He calls us to do the same thing for our wives, to sacrifice our lives for our wives, to give up our own interests for their interests, to look out for them before we look out for ourselves.

Wives, he calls you to submit yourselves to your husbands as you submit yourselves to the Lord. Allow the gospel to change you. Allow the gospel to make you the right person, and you begin to love that three-cow husband with the love of Jesus Christ, and you begin to express the love of Christ to that husband, and you begin to express the love of Christ in your actions and your words, and you watch. Maybe by the power of God you could influence him to become all God has called him to be as a husband.

I want to challenge husbands and wives today. Listen, if you have little foxes in your relationship that are challenging your relationship, don't put it off. Go to a counselor. I've been to a counselor for every problem in the world, and I'm not ashamed to tell you, and I'm not ashamed to tell you God has given counselors so we could help. Do not let those foxes destroy your marriage.

Find help. And husband, lead your wife. Lead your wife to that counselor. You be the spiritual leader. Young people, take marriage seriously, and don't take dating as seriously as you do. Wait for that right person, and as you wait, become that right person. Love Jesus. The most attractive person in my regard is a person who loves Jesus more than life. Become that person.

Some of you here this morning can't become the right person until you trust Jesus as your Lord and Savior. God is speaking to you right now. You know who you are. You've never committed your life to Christ. You've never turned from your sin and placed your faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Today is the day of salvation. Give your life to Jesus.

Father, I want to thank you for this young man, a young man who was invited to come to church last Wednesday, came this morning, and now is ready to give his life to you. Thank you, Lord, for that. Father, I also want to pray for marriages that are here. All of us face pitfalls, obstacles, dangers, and troubles. I pray that we would be committed as husbands and wives, first and foremost to the gospel, to you, and committed to living out the gospel in our marriages.

I want to pray for those who have gone through some hard times in their relationships, and some have even experienced divorce, God. I thank you for grace, and I want to pray, God, that you minister to them this morning. Just pour out your love. I just claim this promise that you work all things for the good of those who are called by God, who love you and are called by God. Encourage them this morning. Father, thank you for this time. Be glorified. In Jesus' name, amen.