Constructive Criticism: The Proliferation of Verbiage

I appreciate constructive criticism, especially when it is well thought out. Enjoy!

Brother Patrick,

I hope this correspondence finds you doing well today. I am writing because I desire to follow where I am led by the spirit (though I would find it easier to not do this ☺). I hope that as you read this you will view this positively as constructive feedback. If you are not in the mood or mindset to deal with this by all means toss it away. This is not intended to make you feel bad.

First the good stuff: You have a wife that supports you passionately and children that look up to you. That is a good indication that you are truly a good man and not just putting on a show. I know you are proud of them.

You have excellent speaking qualities, specifically you have good tonal quality (I’ve always wanted to sound like James Earl Jones myself but alas it is not so ☺) which means you are easy to hear, you have good pronunciation, enunciation and inflection and you articulate well. Feel good about this as well, not all public speakers have these qualities. In your sermons you also have good points with a clear understanding of those points you want to drive home.

Now for the constructive feedback... Patrick you seem to have a proliferation of verbiage surrounding those good points you want to drive home resulting in an excess of supporting conversation. Please let me say this is not a complaint of time or duration (though this can sometimes be received back as time complaints). And I know you have sometimes joked about your sermon lengths in a self-deprecating way (There is always some truth in humor and it is good to laugh at ourselves sometimes).

Let me put it this way, think about your sermon as a cake, the meat of the sermon are the key points and your supporting conversation is the icing. You have really good cake ☺. I believe you have really thick icing. While some folks love the icing, too much tends to hide the cake itself. The cake is what you want them to remember.

Scientifically it is known that people process only a set amount of incoming information in a given time period. If you want them to remember the meat of the subject try not to overwhelm them with supplemental extraneous speech to process least they remember the icing and not the cake. An alternative response is seen as a person becoming bored or inattentive if they already get the point which runs the risk of them not being pulled back in when you get back on point leaving them saying later now what did he say ☺.

A good historical example of this is the Gettysburg address. The main speaker was Edward Everett who spoke eloquently for 2 hrs, Lincoln spoke for only 2 minutes, we remember everything of what Lincoln said but nothing of what Everett said. I want people to remember your words.

That is it, like I said to begin with, feel free to react to this in any way you deem fit. If I am truly being led by the Lord you will react appropriately. Now if you do act on this it will takes weeks, more probably months and potentially years for you to realize the far-reaching effects. I pray that God gives you the patience that I sometimes don’t have.

Patrick, I love you as a brother and (since I have a real brother in the ministry) I know that the leadership role you have taken on is extremely taxing at times and I respect you immensely for taking on this role. Please continue to do good and know you are making a difference.