A Marriage that Works

In my experience as a pastor, I have had many opportunities to give counsel to couples who desire to marry. I ask the couples to take a test that will help them see the strengths and weaknesses of their relationship. One of the areas that is dealt with on the test is marriage expectations. Every couple that has taken the test has always had a low score in the area of expectations. The reason that most score low in this category is found in their unreal expectations concerning marriage.

Every couple has a picture of marriage that is many times far from reality. They often think that the problems they face now will magically go away when they get married. They think that the fights that they have now will go away when they get married. They are wearing rose colored glasses when it comes to marriage.

My job in the counseling sessions is to take off those glasses and graciously aid them in understanding that marriage is a beautiful gift from God, but it is hard work. I try to tell them that successful marriages, that is to say, marriages that truly work are marriages where the devoted couples work hard to make it work. I communicate to them that a marriage that works is one where the married couples work hard at making it work.

If I was only allowed one piece of advice to give to married or about to be married couples it would be these words from the Lord Jesus Christ, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). Marriages that work are marriages where God’s people are denying self and following Christ, meaning that God’s people are truly wanting to be disciples of Christ. Marriage is discipleship, and the sooner couples understand that reality, the sooner they can enjoy the fruit of discipleship in their marriage.

This study from the book of Malachi will give great principles to married couples on how to have a working marriage. The principles will be gleaned from marriages that were not working, and because they were not working they were not pleasing the Lord.