Lord, Make Me an Instrument

This past week has been a challenge for me physically.  I had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic, which caused me to break out in hives.  It is not a pretty sight.  I have felt miserable the last several days.  Partly because of the hives, and partly because I of the lack of sleep brought on by the steroid I’m taking for the hives. 

Yesterday, the lady who cleans our house, decided to pray for my wife and me.  As she prayed, I could feel a tremendous peace coming upon me that all was going to be okay.  I also felt that the Lord was using her faith to bring healing to my body.  Her taking time to pray reminded me of the importance of being God’s instrument in the lives of those around us.  

“Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.”

The Hopeful Cynic

It has been a while since the last time I jotted down my thoughts.  Honestly, I have so much to say, but don’t know where to begin, or how to say it.  The season I am in now has generated a wealth of topics and struggles that I will one day share, if the Lord permits.  

Through contemplation and examination, I have discovered that each struggle I’m battling is not isolated from the other.  No, each one is connected to the other by a common theme.   The common theme is how I view God. 

Without getting into detail here, I will say that how I view God is directly related to my relationship with my earthly father.  This has and is my greatest struggle when it comes to my view of God.  What this struggle produces in me is cynicism.  

Now, I believe God is a good God, and wants to do for you and me more than we ask or think.  Nevertheless, because of my relationship with my earthly father, I doubt that he wants to show his goodness to me.  Oh, I don’t have any problem believing he will be good for others, but when it comes to me, well, God doesn’t have time for me, especially to be involved with the details of my needs. 

Cynicism causes me to question the active goodness of God on my behalf.  When I doubt God’s active goodness on my behalf, it opens the door for greater doubts, which in turn, opens the door to other struggles.

I can’t, at least not now, give you the formula for overcoming cynicism because I am in heat of battle at this very moment.  However, I am confident that in due season, God will open the door for me to share with you in greater detail my journey from cynical heart to a hopeful heart. 

The one thing I can share with you now is my daily prayer, and ask that you pray with me.  King David prayed this prayer for himself, “Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.” (Psalm 86:17).  My prayer goes something like this: “Lord, give a sign of your goodness, that my cynicism may see it and be put to shame.”   I would greatly appreciate your prayers for my deliverance. 

God's Word Abounds With Truth

God’s Word abounds with truth. Whether we believe it or not, whether we like it or not. It is true. All of it. 

Yes, we’re tempted to doubt some stories in the Bible. Jonah in the whale, Samson toppling the pagan temple, God’s fire burning up Elijah’s wet wooden altar, the virgin birth of Jesus, Jesus feeding the 5,000 and my favorite: Moses and the parting of the Red Sea. I mean, how did God do that? It boggles the mind – so incredible, so awesome, so spectacular in scope. It’s been popularized again and again in movies and TV. But the biggest part of the story – the part that Hollywood always leaves out – is that in crossing the Red Sea, the people of Israel were baptized into God’s truth that day!

We can only imagine what the Israelites must’ve felt like standing on the banks of the Red Sea, watching the water engulf pharaoh’s men and seeing their dead bodies washed up on the shore (Exodus 14:30). They must’ve stood there with their mouths agape, eyes saucer-wide, holding onto each other with astonished disbelief thinking, saying: “THAT’S the God we serve?? … wow.”

I grappled with the truth of the Red Sea crossing for years, even creating plausible explanations for how it happened: maybe there was a very long, contiguous sand bar connecting the eastern shore from the west; the tide went out revealing this miracle and the Israelites crossed it. And then pharaoh’s men went across, the tide came back in and they drowned. 

Possible, right? Sure.

But that’s not what Scripture says happened. 

In Exodus, it says there were walls of water on either side, and they crossed on dry ground (Exodus 14:29) – that’s kicking-up-sand dry. And we’re not talking about a few folks skipping across an archipelago of rocks. Scripture says 600,000 men on foot, which didn’t include their wives or kiddos (Exodus 12:37). So at minimum, there were between 1.5-to-2 million people making that journey. And here’s the part that’s really crucial: two million people – that’s a lot of eye witnesses to the event. Either they were either all liars, every last one of them -OR- they were all off-the-wall, out-of-their-minds insane. Every man, woman and child who made that crossing.

Are you picking up the scent here? Guys, this stuff happened. It really did. I can’t explain how it happened. It doesn’t matter how. I’ve been in professional ministry for more than 17 years, and I still struggle with God’s truth at times. And that’s okay. The feeling is emblematic of who we are as humans beings. 

But God’s Word, this truth we talk about in church and with friends exists whether we’re around to say it does. And we’re not prayerfully hoping it happened. The more time you spend in God’s Word, through praying over it before you read and paying close attention to the details, you’ll find the truth speaking to you.

And it will convict you soundly. And one day, you’ll be on the banks of the Red Sea just like the Israelites were that day, you’ll do like they did: you’ll sing (Exodus 15) worshipping the Lord and praising His name. 

Sometimes, that’s all you can do. And all you want to do.

Late Night Thoughts by Christy Mead

I have been married to Christy Mead for 21 years today.  She still amazes me.  These are her thoughts.

Late night thoughts...

I've been in Baptist churches for many years. Before that, I sporadically attended Assembly of God churches with my grandparents as a child. In college, I attended a Bible college. All of the churches I attended believed the Bible to be true. Believed Jesus is the son of God. Believed he died on the cross for our sins and rose again. Many people in those churches had hearts to serve Jesus and minister to others. I became very comfortable in my little Christian cocoon as a pastor's wife. I had all of the Christian cliche's memorized. I could quote Bible verses. I went to retreats and camps and mission trips. I taught Bible studies and counseled the hurting. But last year, my comfortable cocoon was ripped from me and I was rocked to the core. I, a Bible believing pastor's wife, truly struggled with my faith and belief in God. I struggled with churches. And became disillusioned in my Christian faith. I became wary and distrusting of Christians. Did I really believe what I've been teaching all of these years? Could I trust anyone, or God, ever again? Hurt radiated through every part of me and I soon gave way to severe depression. I stopped living. I became angry. Became bitter. Wanted the pain to stop. Wanted my life back. Wanted to stop seeing my husband weep every Sunday. Wanted to not have my children hurt. How could I ever trust God with my heart, with my soul, with my eternity after being let down by his people?

Last year, when publicly sharing our decision to step down from
ministry, I stated that we were viewing this as an"unplanned sabbatical." I think back and say, yes and no. It has been a break from ministry, but no rest has been involved. In fact, I think we have worked harder this year than ever in our adult life. But what this has done for us is remarkable.

For one, my faith in God has grown. My love and trust in God is very different now. It's not out of obligation. Or because I don't want to spend eternity in hell. Or because I've just attended a camp or church service that makes me pumped up for Jesus. My faith in God has become my life. I cannot function or breath without him. Although this was true before, I am much more aware of how completely dependent I am upon him.

I view ministry different now. I suppose being somewhat nomadic when it comes to churches and ministry, we've felt a little lost. But in this season of being nomads, I've experienced different churches and denominations. I've stepped back and evaluated churches and their function and purpose. I've come to appreciate many things about churches, and also realize some things churches do are counter-productive. I've watched as many churches grow based off of transfer memberships, but not as many grow based on people truly being delivered from a life of sin.

I've talked to non-believers and heard their stories. They share with me a lot more now that I'm not a pastor's wife. They've shared how they've been shunned, judged, excluded, hurt, ridiculed or simply been a victim of cliques and been left out or made to feel unwelcome. Ive gotten closer to many "sinners" that don't feel comfortable in church because they aren't good enough, don't dress right, or have a reputation.

All of this has been for a purpose. All of the pain and confusion. It was to change our perspective. Change our mission. Change our focus.

So here I am... In our "unplanned sabbatical." A year or so later and I love and trust God more. I realize church goers are sinners just like non-church goers. I've realized I am the chief of sinners and made many mistakes. I realize that everyone makes mistakes. That sometimes people you love and respect will hurt you. I realize that forgiveness is a necessity. I've come to understand that sometimes people think they're doing the right thing and unintentionally may hurt you in the process. I've realized that forgiveness sometimes is a daily act of the will and feelings rarely accompany it. I've realized that there are many amazing and godly people in every denomination and we can learn a lot from one another. I've learned that giving up on God and church simply because you've been hurt, is like giving up on all medicine simply because one medication you took made you ill. Not everyone is bad. Not all churches are evil. And God has a bigger plan and purpose.

I think God has something quite unique in store for our future. We are still in God's waiting room, but the door is starting to crack open a bit. What I can see on the other side is so very exciting. God never wastes pain! He never abandons us! And He has a great plan!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

PS-If you read these ramblings until the end, I'm very honor & humbled.

What Hurts You, Heals You

If you have been in the church for any length of time then most likely you know what it is like to be hurt by the church.  I have often told people that you should never let the hurt caused by people keep you from God.  Sometimes I have gone as far as saying that if you lose faith in God because the church has hurt you then your faith was not in God, but man.  But that statement is really not right.

Church hurts typically cause us to struggle with God for this reason: God’s people are called to be imitators of God.  In fact, Paul put it this way, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:1-2).  Therefore, it is not so unusual for a person to struggle with God when hurt by a church.

The church is supposed to be a gospel community.  It is to be a community where grace and undeserved favor flow in and through relationships.  It is to be a hospital for sinners, and a haven of hope and restoration for those who fall short of being all that God wants them to be.  It is to be a community of no condemnation because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 

Now, I know what some are thinking: “What about holiness?”  We are to pursue holiness out of love for God, never to earn approval from God.  Jesus has bought our approval with his blood.  We can’t add to it.  But we pursue holiness with a piece of bread in one hand and a cup of wine in the other.  The bread is Christ’s body and the wine his blood; a reminder that we are sinners in need of mercy that comes only through the saving work of Christ.

We need a gospel community, not because we are good people, but because we are sinners.  We need gospel community because each of us needs healing, deliverance, and restoration during our time here on earth.

Now, let me go back to being hurt by the church.  As one who has hurt and been hurt by the church, I have learned this: what hurts you heals you.  That’s right.  The church hurts, but the church heals.  The healing from church hurts can only be found in a gospel community, one that is overflowing with God’s grace and mercy.  Ironically, wounded people healed by the gospel of grace become the greatest vessels of grace for healing other wounded people.  Find a community of people who have tasted the redemptive and restorative power of the gospel, and most likely you will find a gospel community that heals.

Are You a Pioneer?

God is looking for Pioneers

I’m at an interesting place in my faith journey.  I, without any doubt, have been called to be a pastor.  But, I have no desire to do what I have been doing the past 17 years.   I know, it sounds like I want to be a pastor, but I don’t want to be a pastor.  I want to be a pastor, but I don’t want to be a “business as usual” pastor.  What I mean is that I don’t want to make a comfortable life for me, or my family, while the rest of the world goes to hell.  I want to make a difference.  I want to be a part of a movement of God. 

With that said, I’m not surprised that over the last few days the Lord has been putting a word in my spirit.  The word is “pioneer.”  This morning, he impressed upon me to be a pioneer pastor.  What is a pioneer pastor? A pioneer pastor is a pastor who will risk everything for the advancement of the kingdom of God.  In my case, it is a pastor who begins or helps develop something new and prepares the way for others to follow.

God has given me a burden to plant a “Word” and “Power” Church.  It won’t be easy, but I believe God wants to overflow his people with his power and truth so that we can change the culture we live in for his glory. 

Of course, now I am praying for God to bring alongside of me pioneers; people who want to do something new, who want to be a part of a movement of God. 

Getting Off the Path of Discouragement

Gloom, despair, agony on me. That's the best way to describe Elijah's condition in 1 Kings chapter nineteen. It's the consequence of not avoiding discouragement's path. Unreal expectations, allowing circumstances to overwhelm, and focusing inwardly all play a part in leading Elijah down the path of depression. 

 
 

In 2009, a health survey revealed 40 million American adults had been diagnosed with depression; serving as further evidence that discouragement and depression are the most effective tool that the devil uses against people, especially God's people. If more evidence is needed, then let me say that out of the fifteen years I have been preaching, last week's sermon received more comments from people than any sermon I have preached. Everyone battles with discouragement and depression. 

 
 

The four main causes of depression are fatigue, frustration, failure, and fear. Likewise, the four chief symptoms of depression are dissatisfaction, disgruntled, disengaged, and distressed. However, beneath the causes and symptoms is a deeper root cause. It's unbelief. When unbelief gets the upper hand in our hearts, it leads us down the path of discouragement and depression. 

 
 

In a recent conversation, someone questioned her salvation on account of struggling to trust God. I assured her the struggle to trust God is not a sign you are not saved, but a sign you are saved. The life of faith is a fight for faith. The child of God must fight unbelief faithfully because the failure to trust God for all he's promised in Jesus will lead us down the road of discouragement and depression. Therefore, the child of God should persistently pray, "Lord; I believe, help me with my unbelief." The solution to leaving the path of despair is winning the battle with unbelief. We win the battle with unbelief by trusting God. 

 
 

Elijah's story fuels our faith, so we can defeat unbelief, and leave gloom, despair, and agony behind. The first step to leaving discouragement's path reveals our need to trust God's faithfulness. 

 
 

Trust God's Proven Character to Provide 

"And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.” And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God" (1 Kings 19:5-8).  

 
 

Elijah received a messenger after he became dissatisfied with ministry and life, disgruntled with God and people, disengaged from all relationships, and distressed with the problems destabilizing his life. The messenger was no ordinary messenger. Verse seven reveals the messenger as "the angel of the Lord." When the anger of the Lord appears throughout the Old Testament it's called a "theophany." This is where the pre-incarnate Christ appears to God's people under the Old Covenant. Therefore, Jesus has manifested himself to Elijah and is now ministering to him. 

 
 

God's activity in Elijah's life has progressed very interestingly. The Lord uses ravens to provide Elijah's meals while camping at the brook Cherith. An impoverished widow furnishes sustenance in Zaraphath. However, when Elijah runs from the will of God, it is Jesus, who comes to provide for Elijah. Elijah flees, and God chases. 

 
 

The angel of the Lord's ministry was successful, and Elijah responds, "And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God"(1 Kings 19:8). This particular verse has great spiritual significance. The forty-day journey connects Elijah's situation with the past. Israel spent forty years roaming the wilderness because of unbelief. Elijah's wilderness experience was the result of unbelief. 

 
 

Elijah ended up in the wilderness of depression because he failed to trust God's proven character to provide for his people. For three-and a half-years Elijah experienced the faithfulness of God to provide, protect, and prevail. Nevertheless, he lost the fight with unbelief, and he ended up on the path of discouragement and depression. 

 
 

God has proven abundantly that he is faithful to his people. If you forget his proven character to provide, you will become discouraged and depressed. Thomas Chisholm, didn't want to forget, so he penned these words, "Great is Thy Faithfulness, great is Thy Faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand has provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me." The first step to winning the battle of over unbelief and leaving the path of despair is trusting God's proven character of provide. Second step: trust God's powerful presence to guide. 

 
 

Trust God's Powerful Presence to Guide 

"There he came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away" (1 Kings 19:9-10).  

 
 

 
After arriving at Horeb, the mount of God, The Lord speaks to Elijah, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" This question isn't for God, but for Elijah. The Lord wants Elijah to do some self-examination. Elijah's response reveals his despair, "I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hose. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only am left, and they seek my life, to take it away." Elijah is so depressed he can't remember all that God did in chapters seventeen and eighteen. Elijah feels alone, and abandoned by God. 

 
 

Therefore, God will teach Elijah of his powerful presence, "And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave” (1 Kings 19:11-13). 

 
 

The Lord was not in the strong wind; not in the earthquake, nor in the fire. However, it is in the sound of a low whisper that the Lord reveals his powerful presence. Why? Elijah's three-and a half-years was characterized by the supernatural and spectacular. Ravens providing food, and widow's son raised from the dead, fire falling from heaven, and rain removing the drought. The low whisper teaches Elijah that the Lord doesn't always operate in the spectacular. In fact, God's powerful presence is mostly seen in the everyday affairs of life. The great lesson is this: when it seems the Lord is not answering your prayers with the spectacular, and seems to be absent from your life, don't forget that God's presence to guide is always with his people. 

 
 

God promised Moses, "I will be with you." He promised Joshua, "I will be with you wherever you go." Jesus promised his church, "I will be with you to the end of age." You can trust God's powerful presence to guide because he will never leave nor forsake his people. In a fiery furnace? Problems consuming you? God is with you and will guide you through. Third and final step: trust God's sovereign plan to prevail. 

 
 

Trust God's Sovereign Plan to Prevail 

"And the Lord said to him, “Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. And Jehu the son of Nimshi you shall anoint to be king over Israel, and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place. And the one who escapes from the sword of Hazael shall Jehu put to death, and the one who escapes from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha put to death. Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him" (1 Kings 19:15-18).  

 
 

Elijah learns in these verses that God's victory doesn't always come through the spectacular. In fact, God's victory comes a majority of the time in the ordinary workings of everyday life. God was going to bring judgement upon Israel through the political process. When you can't see the spectacular, just remember that God's sovereign plan will prevail because God is in control. God reminds Elijah of this, "Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him" (1 Kings 19:18).  

 
 

Unbelief tells you God won't provide. Faith knows that God is faithful to provide for his people. Unbelief tells you God has abandoned you. Faith knows that God will never leave, nor forsake his people. Unbelief tells you God's not at work. Faith knows that God's sovereign plan will prevail because he is in control. Trust God's proven character; trust God's powerful presence; trust God's sovereign plan, and you will find yourself leaving gloom, despair, and agony behind.