The Hopeful Cynic

It has been a while since the last time I jotted down my thoughts.  Honestly, I have so much to say, but don’t know where to begin, or how to say it.  The season I am in now has generated a wealth of topics and struggles that I will one day share, if the Lord permits.  

Through contemplation and examination, I have discovered that each struggle I’m battling is not isolated from the other.  No, each one is connected to the other by a common theme.   The common theme is how I view God. 

Without getting into detail here, I will say that how I view God is directly related to my relationship with my earthly father.  This has and is my greatest struggle when it comes to my view of God.  What this struggle produces in me is cynicism.  

Now, I believe God is a good God, and wants to do for you and me more than we ask or think.  Nevertheless, because of my relationship with my earthly father, I doubt that he wants to show his goodness to me.  Oh, I don’t have any problem believing he will be good for others, but when it comes to me, well, God doesn’t have time for me, especially to be involved with the details of my needs. 

Cynicism causes me to question the active goodness of God on my behalf.  When I doubt God’s active goodness on my behalf, it opens the door for greater doubts, which in turn, opens the door to other struggles.

I can’t, at least not now, give you the formula for overcoming cynicism because I am in heat of battle at this very moment.  However, I am confident that in due season, God will open the door for me to share with you in greater detail my journey from cynical heart to a hopeful heart. 

The one thing I can share with you now is my daily prayer, and ask that you pray with me.  King David prayed this prayer for himself, “Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.” (Psalm 86:17).  My prayer goes something like this: “Lord, give a sign of your goodness, that my cynicism may see it and be put to shame.”   I would greatly appreciate your prayers for my deliverance.