Fighting Life's "What Ifs" - Psalm 124

The greatest mental battles we face in life never happen. You know, the wars we fight in our minds because of the “what ifs” of life. The invasion of the enemy of worry attacks everyone, some more than others. When worry invades it can be subtle, invisible, and a relentless foe bombing us with a variety of negative possibilities in life.  

The times we live in now are ground zero for these attacks to take place. Our thoughts race with the “what ifs” of the coronavirus, the ramifications of a lockdown, and the effect it will have on our economy.  Even the Center for Disease control sees the effect that the virus will have on mental health and has included a section on its website for stress and anxiety.  And if the invasions from the pandemic are not enough, now we have rioting and looting consuming major cities around the nation. Can I give you some advice? If you are looking for a career path, consider psychology.   

Unfortunately, God’s people are not immune to worry.  One meaning of worry is “to gnaw.”  Growing up, we had a dog that loved his bones.  He would gnaw on those bones all day, and afterward, he would take the bone and bury it.  The next day, he would dig up the bone and gnaw on it again.  Worry is like gnawing on a bone. We gnaw on the “what ifs” of life because worry is also a kind of fear. And how many times has God told us throughout the Bible not to fear? Therefore, it’s important that we learn to fight the “what ifs” of life that we often gnaw on.  

The Bible is replete with practical and penetrating truths for fighting this battle with worry. One particular passage caught my attention.  It’s Psalm 124. Before we look at the psalm, it is important to put it into context.  

Most scholars believe that Psalm 123 and 124 belong, if not historically, at least thematically. The reason historical context is in question is the fact that the inscription on Psalm 124 attributes the psalm to King David. However, some manuscripts don’t have his name on it, leading some scholars to believe that a scribe added the name in later years.  As a result, some scholars believe the events described take place during David’s reign, others during the time of Nehemiah, and others, King Hezekiah.  The psalm is general and can fit into either historical context.  

Thematically, there is a connection between Psalms, 123, and 124. In Psalm 123, the psalmist in crying out for God’s mercy on account of the contempt and ridicule from the enemy.  In Psalm 124 we see the testimony of God’s activity in answering the cry of the previous psalm.

We find the reason this psalm caught my attention in the first two verses. It reads, “If it had not been the Lord was on our side—let Israel now say—If it had not been the Lord who as on our side.” The emotion of these two verses is better brought out with the New Living Translation, “What if the Lord had not been on our side?”  The emotion is one of perplexity. It’s the gasp that comes from a person delivered from death or some terrible situation.  It’s the “what could have happened” emotion. 

Two years ago, my oldest daughter fell asleep while driving home. She was attending Arkansas State and was making her way back to the university. Going seventy miles an hour, her vehicle hit a guardrail, causing her to cross over the opposite side of the highway, hitting a ditch, and going airborne until she stopped in the middle of a field. I remember the evening well because I had been praying for her twenty-minutes before this happened.  

When my wife and daughter visited the site of the wreck, they experienced this same emotion.  What if she ran off the road fifty-feet earlier? She would have hit a bridge. What if there was traffic coming down the opposite side of the highway? She could have had a head-on collision. Fortunately, she came away from the wreck with no scratch and a totaled vehicle. 

The “what if” presented in this psalm is not an unhealthy “what if.” The reflection of what could have happened is healthy because they can reflect upon the positive outcomes of God’s activity in their lives. Yet, to get to the positive outcomes, one must first observe the negative possibilities.    

Reflection

Two times we see the phrase, “the Lord who was on our side.”  The speculative reflection is this: “what if God wasn’t in our lives?”  Or, “what if God wasn’t for us?”  What if all we could think about are the people and circumstances against us.  The what-ifs of negative possibilities would overtake us.  

The what-if of negative possibilities 

Take God out of the equation and here is what you will have, “when people rose up against us, then they would have swallowed us up alive, when their anger was kindled against us; then the flood would have swept us away, the torrent would have gone over us; then over us would have gone the raging waters.”  Without God, the negative possibilities would have become realities. 

Somehow, when we are consumed with the “what ifs” of negative possibilities, we lose sight of the fact that “the Lord is on our side.” Instead, all we can see are the people and circumstances are against us. We allow the possibilities to overtake us.  

If you are often captive to negative possibilities, you are not alone.  The Bible is abounding with examples of God’s people losing sight of God. When Joseph’s brother came back from Egypt, they had to leave their brother Simeon there and bring back their brother Benjamin. When they told Jacob the situation he cried out, “Everything is going against me!” (Gen. 42:36).  This Jacob, who saw angels descending and ascending into heaven, and wrestled with God until God blessed him, could only see the circumstances against him, not the Lord who was with him.  

Elijah, after seeing the Lord consume his sacrifice with fire from heaven, and killing the prophets of Baal, could only see Jezebel against him, which caused him to run for his life, and become despairing of life to the point of wanting to die.  He could only see the “what ifs” of negative possibilities, and not the Lord who was with him.  

When we worry about the negative possibilities, it’s because of the assumed absence of God in the details of life.  The negative possibilities happen because we exclude God from the equation. However, when we reflect upon the truth that “the Lord is with us” we experience the “what ifs” of positive outcomes.  

The what-if of positive outcomes 

The imagery that the psalmist uses is very descriptive of the negative situations and circumstances we face in life. Just like Isreal, Christians have an enemy, the devil who wants to kill, steal, and destroy our lives.  When we face the troubles of life, they don’t send out a warning so we can prepare. They hit us like a Mack truck. We know this well because of experience. As a result, the “what ifs” of negative possibilities can easily overtake us. 

In verses six and seven, we read, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not given us as prey to their teeth! We have escaped like a bird from the snare of fowlers; the snare is broken, and we have escaped!”  The implication of these two verses is that we will experience situations and circumstances that are not pleasant.  We will face trials and tribulations. However, when God is in the equation of our lives, he will get us through negative experiences with positive outcomes. Fighting life’s “what ifs” require, not only proper reflection but also a proper response. 

Response

In verse six, and in verse eight, we find the proper responses to God’s activity in our lives. First, we must respond with adoration.  

Adoration

We read, in verse six, “Blessed be the Lord.” Another way to translate this phrase is, “Yahweh be worshipped.”  Why? We worship and adore the Lord because he is on our side and he delivers us from the enemies and troubles we face.  

I mentioned already that Psalm 123 and 124 are connected? Psalm 123 is a cry for help. I believe that it is referring to the time of Nehemiah and the people of God rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem.  While building the wall the enemy of God and his people threatened them, discouraged them. All they could see were the negative possibilities.  What did Nehemiah do? He reminded them that God was on their side. 

Notice what Psalm 123:1 says, “To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens!” They turned their eyes from the negative possibilities to the positive outcome of having the Lord on their side.  And we must do the same.  The writer of Hebrews calls us to fix our eyes upon Jesus, the author, and the perfector of our faith.  One of my favorite hymns goes like this: “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.”  We respond with adoration. We also respond with a declaration.  

Declaration

Verse eight, “Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”  Some consider this psalm to be a thanksgiving psalm. Others, myself included, consider this psalm to be a testimony psalm about God’s activity in the life of his people.  Verse eight is a declaration of God’s activity. It is a testimony. The Lord, who is on our side, the one who delivered us from the enemy, he helped us.  Nothing can come against us that is greater than the Lord who is with us. We have to respond to the “what ifs” of negative possibilities with the declaration of this truth. Finally, we respond with consecration.  

Consecration

If a declaration is our testimony of God’s help, then consecration is our submission to his help. This is the daily activity of offering our lives as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Jesus.  Our battle with the  “what ifs” of negative possibilities begins with a proper reflection, which should cause the proper responses of adoration, declaration, and consecration. Yet, a proper reflection and a proper response are ineffective if one does not have a proper relationship.  

Relationship

Throughout Psalm 124 the name used for God is Yahweh, the name for God that emphasizes covenant relationship. It is used to describe God and man in a relationship together.  Isreal was in a covenant relationship with the Lord. Therefore, because of this relationship, they could declare that God is on their side, that he was their help. 

In the same manner, for us to win the battles over life’s “what ifs,” we need a personal relationship with the Lord, made possible through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.  When we have trusted Christ and Lord and Savior, we enter a covenant relationship with the Lord.  

What does this relationship with Jesus involve? It signifies that “God is for us, and not against us” (Romans 8:31). The universe can be against us, but God, who more powerful than any opposition we encounter, is on our side.  It means that the Holy Spirit and Jesus Pray for us because God is with us. It shows God will take care of us and for us because, “He who did not spare his own Son, but freely and graciously gave him up for us all, how will he not freely and graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32) It means that we are more than conquers. It determines that nothing, absolutely nothing, will ever separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.  Because of the cross, God is for us, and because of the resurrection, everything will be okay in the end.

At seventeen, I experienced an automobile wreck I should have never survived. When I recall the memories of that night and consider the negative possibilities that could have occurred, I shutter. 

It was a Thursday night. I had a fake identification and an unhealthy passion for partying. Some friends and I went to a bar in Wylie, Texas called the Ranch House. During the night, the bar ran one dollar tequila shots special. I took my last ten-dollar bill and spent it on tequila. You can see where this is going.  

Dumb and inebriated, I got behind the wheel of my Toyota Truck and tried to drive home.  A mile down the road I bent over to change the radio station, but I never came back up.  The truck flipped and hit a telephone pole at the back of the truck.  I walked away from the accident without a scratch.  

I visit that night often in my mind and consider the many “what ifs” that could have happened, but didn’t. What if there was a vehicle coming from the opposite direction? What if the telephone pole broke, and the wires fell on top of my truck? But the most disturbing “what if” is this one: what if I died that night?  This “what if” makes me shutter. Why? If I died that night, I would be in hell for eternity.  I didn’t know Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  In fact, it would take five more years before I gave my life to Christ.  

What if you don’t know Jesus? What if you have never been born again? What if you were to die today? Without Christ, you would spend eternity separated from God.  The negative possibility of going to hell becomes a reality when you die without Christ.  The only positive outcome comes only by trusting Jesus and your Lord and Savior.  What will you do?  

Testing and Teaching: Judges 2:20-3:6

Four years ago, my wife began her career as a high school English teacher. As a result, we see education from a unique perspective. We have had many discussions on teaching, testing, grading, and classroom management. Several times standardized testing has been a discussion.  

A standardized test comprises a set of common questions for students to answer with the purpose of assessment.  For example, the reading part of the test will help teachers understand what the reading level of a certain grade is at the time of the test.  The results enable them to adjust what they are teaching so that the students can improve on a particular subject. When I was in school, standardized tests didn’t bother as much as tests that determined my grade. 

During my college and seminary days, I had professors that tested every class. I will confess, I spent most of my time cramming for a test about fifteen minutes before class. I didn’t really enjoy tests, but I understood their purpose. If a professor or teacher didn’t test, I don’t believe I would pay attention unless the subject captivated my attention. Tests also reminded me that the class has purpose and meaning.  

If you think about it, we can’t limit teaching and testing to the realm of education only. Teaching and testing characterize every aspect of life. This is especially true of the Christian life.  Open your Bible, Old and New Testaments, and you will find God causes and allows teaching and testing in the journey of faith. In the believer's life teaching and testing that takes place daily.  

The daily teaching and testing experienced by believers are not purposeless or meaningless. If they were, God would come across as a cruel God. We find a highly explicit text concerning the purpose and meaning of such experiences in chapters two and three of the book of Judges. Unfortunately, the text takes place in a period of Israel’s history that reveals the apostasy of God’s people repeatedly.    

The book of Judges comprises two introductions. The first introduction starts at verse one of chapter one and ends at verse five of chapter five. The second introduction begins at verse six of chapter two and ends with verse six of chapter three. Why two introductions? The writer introduces the book from two perspectives. The first is from the perspective of Israel, and the second from the perspective of God.  

From God’s perspective, we are able to see the outline of the book of Judges. It’s a downward spiral that begins with God’s people turning from God, followed by God’s judgment upon his people, resulting in God’s people crying out, and God answering the cries with mercy by providing a judge to deliver them. This pattern runs to the end of the book.  Interestingly, this pattern of God’s judgment of mercy is best understood when we look at the cross of Jesus Christ, for it shows the judgment and mercy of God in the death of Jesus Christ.  

In setting the context of our text, we will need to understand God’s people have entered the Promise Land through the leadership of Joshua.  Unfortunately, they did not remove all the inhabitants of the land, as God commanded, resulting in God allowing the inhabitants to live among the Israelites. Leaving the inhabitants was the consequence of their sin. You could say that their sin became their reward.  God would not waste this tragedy. He determined to use the enemy in the land to test and teach his people. 

Notice verses twenty through twenty-two of the second chapter of Judges, “So the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel, and he said, Because this people have transgressed my covenant that I commanded their fathers and have not obeyed my voice, I will no longer drive out before them any of the nations that Joshua left when he died, in order to test Israel by them.” God will use the inhabitants to test Israel. Again in verse one of chapter three, “Now these are the nations that the Lord left, to test Israel by them.” And again in verse four, “They were for the testing of Israel.” 

How do the enemies of ancient Israel in the Promise Land translate into our modern-day experiences? Every day, we face enemies that attack our faith, our finances, our families, our relationships, our courage, and the list goes on and on.  These enemies come to invade our lives from the inside, the outside, and the unseen, usually through circumstances, situations, and struggles, which God uses for teaching and testing. Therefore, it is important for us to understand these enemies and their purpose and meaning in our lives. As we look at the chosen passage, we notice how the Lord tests us to teach us. 

The Lord tests us to teach us.  

In verse one of chapter three, we read, “Now these are the nations that the Lord left, to test Israel by them, that is all in Israel who had not experienced all the wars in Canaan. It was only in order that the generations of the people of Israel might know war, to teach war to those who had not known it before.”  We see some purpose for tests in these two verses.  There is a connection between “test,” and “know.”  Testing is used to teach.  Here, the lesson was about how to fight in a war.  

However, the lessons taught were more than just tactical procedures for war. I’m reminded of the four-week training that they required me to take when I became a chaplain in the correctional setting. I spent the time learning how to defend myself when a situation called for it. The greatest lesson I learned is the fact that I’m a chaplain, and if a riot breaks out in the prison, I’m running.  The lessons were for protection only, and a way for the state to avoid lawsuits.  God’s training for war was much more theological than tactical.  What God wanted to know from the wars with the inhabitants was a greater knowledge of his person.  

His person

By this, I mean his character and nature.  God left in the land as a judgment for the Israelites’ disobedience.  Every war they fought with these inhabitants would be a reminder of God’s judgment upon their sin. The reason God judged their sin is his holy nature.  

God is without sin, holy. Therefore, he must deal with sin. Tests that come as discipline for sin remind us of God’s holy nature. We never sin and get away with it. God disciplines his children, which is a display of his loving nature.  

God disciplines his children for our own holiness. You might be one of those parents that don’t discipline your children, but God is not. If you don’t discipline your child can you say you love your child? God loves his children, and he disciplines his children because he loves them.  God’s love puts our ultimate and greatest good at the top of his agenda.  God tests us so we can know his nature and character, but God is not wanting us to have just head knowledge of who he is. No, at the heart of these tests is God’s desire to teach us about his presence.  

His presence

God’s desire for his children is a close and personal relationship with them. It is all about relationships and constantly walking and enjoying his presence. God was to teach us so we can know, experientially, his presence in our lives. Some of the greatest tests God has allowed me to experience have been the greatest moments of experiencing his tangible presence in my life. Yes, he teaches us to know him more intimately through the invasions of the inside, outside, and unseen enemies in our lives.  And while we experience his presence, we also experience his power.   

His power

God wanted Israel to know war, not in the traditional tactical way, but his way.  When we fight God’s fight we don’t rely on our own power, but his power.  We don’t trust in our abilities, but his abilities. God allows tests to teach us to trust in his power to overcome the trials that the test brings.   

When Pharaoh and the Egyptian army had Moses and the Israelites up against the Red Sea, God said, “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Trust the Lord, for it is his fight and his battle. 

When an elite army came against King Jehoshaphat and Juda, the king and Judah poured out their hearts to God. There was no way they could beat this army with their own resources or resolve. They cried out to God, and he told them to stand firm and watch.  The next morning, Jehoshaphat and his army stood before the enemy and worshiped, and while they worshiped God destroyed the army.  

We learn through tests we don’t fight with our own abilities or strengths but by the power of God.  We learn to cast our concerns on the Lord and watch him sustain us, knowing that he will not allow his children to stumble. We learn through tests that we when battles not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit of the Lord.  

I wonder how many times God has brought events into my life for the purpose of teaching me something? Do I look at teachable moments as chance, or do I see them from the providential hand of God?  I imagine when I stand before God and he replays my life he will probably show me some teachable moments that I missed.  

As a father, I have learned that everything I try to teach my children won’t always be accepted by them. The many times I have warned them of a dead-end road, but they took it anyway.  It causes me to sit back and think about my relationship with the Lord, and I imagine he feels the same way I do when I miss his teachable moments he brings through tests, and how I try to do things in my flesh, and not his power. 

How is God working in your life? What methods is he using to test and teach? Are you learning more about his person, his presence, and his power? If we are not careful, we will miss out on a teachable moment that God uses for our ultimate good.  Next, we notice how the Lord tests us to assess us.  

The Lord tests us to assess us. 

Earlier, I spoke about standardized testing and how its purpose is to assess the students.  Likewise, God tests us to assess us, not for himself, he already knows what’s in us, but for ourselves.  The one thing God wants to assess is our allegiance to him. 

Allegiance 

In chapter two, verse twenty-two, we read, “in order to test Israel by them, whether they will take care to walk in the way of the Lord as their fathers did, or not.” Notice also in chapter three, verse four, “They were for the testing of Israel, to know whether Israel would obey the commandments of the Lord, which he commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses.” What does God want from us? He wants obedience, faithfulness to our relationship with him.

True worship of God demands exclusive allegiance.  It’s amazing how tests will often reveal where our trust lives. When we lose our paycheck, where is our trust? When a pandemic hits, where is our trust? It’s stunning how a test reveals where our allegiance lies. Do we trust in God’s promises? Or do we act like spiritual illiterates? Do we believe God exists and believe in his promises? Or do we act as a functional atheist?   Tests have a way of showing where our allegiance is.  

Unfortunately, verses five and six reveal the Israelites failed to pass the test. Instead of fighting the enemy, they slept with the enemy.  Literally, they intermarried with the inhabitants and started serving their gods.  They received a big F. 

Our stories don’t have to end the same way. In fact, there is another test found in the Old Testament, one passed with flying colors. It’s found in Genesis chapter twenty-two, verse one, “After these things God tested Abraham and said, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” He said, “Take you son, you only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains on which I shall tell you.” 

What a test! God wanted Abraham to take the promised child, Isaac, and offer him up as a burnt offering. The rest of the chapter reveals that he passed the test. And because of his exclusive allegiance to God, the Lord provided a ram to replace Isaac as the burnt offering.  He passed the assessment.  How? Abraham in obedience trusted the Lord and drew upon the resources of his almighty love.  

How can we pass the tests that come our way every day? Daily, we have to take our lives to the altar of God and offer them up to God as a holy and acceptable sacrifice to him, giving him our full allegiance. When we do, God will bless us beyond what we ever think or imagine.   

Recently, I observed an interaction between a little girl, around five years old, and her father.  The girl wanted to carry an enormous box.  She said, “Daddy, I want to carry the box.” She could pick it up, but it was too big for her to walk with. Her father responds, “No, you will fall trying to carry it.” She kept on insisting, saying that she had a plan.  The father gave in and she picked up the box.  She then told her father, “Okay daddy, now you carry me.”  

God, doesn't just want to take our burdens. No, he wants to carry us and give us all we need from his resources. All we have to do is give our allegiance to him.   Will you come to the altar today? 

   

Walking in the Dark: Isaiah 50:10-11

In the Summer of 2007, God introduced me to a term I was unfamiliar with. Looking back, it was something I prayed for but didn’t fully grasp what I was praying. The prayer, “Lord, do whatever it takes to make me more like you.” The answer, “The dark night of the soul.” The answer came not from a class or a book, but through personal experience.  

If you have ever gone through a season of spiritual dryness and darkness when God seemed silent and far away no matter how hard you tried to reconnect, then you have experienced a “dark night” experience.  This experience can be long and hard, especially for the many Christians who don’t understand it or how to handle it. 

Since the summer of 2007, I have experienced more occasions of this dark season, the most recent being within the last five years. And each season seemed darker than the season before. I would love to tell you that each season is easier to handle and understand than the previous, but that’s not the case at all.  We find the reason in God’s purpose for the experience. 

The Lord uses the dark night of the soul experience to grow us and conform us into the image of his Son.  It makes us more aware of his grace and mercy, while also revealing sinful patterns and beliefs that hinder our growth.  As painful as the experience can be, it is one of the prominent ways God grows us in holiness and wholeness.  

The dark night experience for God’s people is inevitable.  You find it in the scriptures. Read the prayers in the book of Psalms and you will find King David struggling with this season. The first verse of Psalm thirteen reads, “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” Read the biographies and testimonies of Christians throughout history and you will find the same inevitable experiences.   

The dark night is also unexpected. And because it is unexpected, many of God’s people don’t understand it or know exactly how to handle it.  So, what do we do when the Lord knocks the props out from under us and caused the lights to go out?  The prophet Isaiah gives great truths for walking through the dark.    

In the fiftieth chapter of Isaiah, we find two verses, nine and ten, talking about the inevitable and unexpected experience of walking through the darkness, “Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who equip yourselves with burning torches! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches that you have kindled! This you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment.”  

The Hebrew construct of verse ten suggests that the person who fears God and obeys his voice is the one who continues to trust in and rely on the Lord, even though he is walking through a time of darkness.  In fact, the verse implies that we know the person following God more, not by how they walk in the light, but in the darkness. What do we know about the person following God in darkness First, we know that they keep walking when the lights go out.  

Keep walking when the lights go out and you can’t see.

One Sunday morning early, during my first pastorate, I received a knock at the door of the parsonage, waking me up from my sleep. It was a church member letting me know that the neighbor’s son across the street passed away in an automobile accident.  He was driving down an unlit country road, and his lights went out. Instead of stopping, he tried to navigate the road, causing him to miss a curve and rolling his truck.  In a situation like this, it is wise to stop and pullover. It is the right thing to do.  

However, what is true of the physical realm is not for the spiritual. You should, you must stop going in the physical ring, but it is a terrible mistake to stop walking in the spiritual realm.  

Think about it. When darkness comes upon us and there is no light, you're not sure where you are going, you're not even sure where you are.  You can’t see the obstacles in front of you.  You have no spiritual feeling, and you can’t see what God is doing. This is not the time to stop.  You must keep walking with the Lord through the darkness.   

The man or woman that fears the Lord and obeys the Lord doesn’t stop walking with the Lord because there is no light.  They keep on walking.  They keep on obeying.  They keep on seeking.  They keep on praying.  They keep on giving.  They keep on witnessing. They keep on keeping on even though it’s dark.  

One of my dear friends, who also served on staff in my last pastorate, is a licensed pilot. One day we were talking about the training he went through to secure his license.  It intrigued me when he told me about learning to fly by the instruments, something that every pilot must learn before they receive their license.  When a pilot flies into darkness, such as a dark cloud, he will lose his points of reference. It becomes very dangerous to trust in one’s physical perception. Even though it might feel like he is flying straight, he could descend to the ground, not knowing it. He must learn to read and trust the instruments, and not his thoughts or feelings.  

In the same manner, the Christian must learn to follow the instruments of God’s word when walking through the darkness. We see this truth in verse ten, “Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant?” The servant that Isaiah is referring to is the servant in the previous verses, four through nine.  The servant of the previous verses is Jesus. We keep walking even though it’s dark because we are looking to the instruments of God’s word and it becomes the lamp unto our feet, and light for our path.  Second, people who follow God in the darkness know that they should not make their own light to dispel the darkness.

Don’t make your own light to dispel the darkness. 

This second point is the most important point you need to grasp today because it is a temptation that occurs when we discover ourselves in the dark.  When the lights go out at my house, the first thing I do is look for the light. I light candles and look for flashlights.  However, when the lights go out in our walk with God, the last thing we want to do is to make our own light.  Isaiah says in verse eleven, “Behold, all you who kindle a fire, and who equip yourselves with burning torches! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches that you have kindled! This you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment.” The Living Bible says, “But see here, you who live in your own light, and warm yourselves from your own fires and not from God’s; you will live among sorrows.”  

The Lord is telling us we make an enormous mistake when we try to make our own light.  Why? It’s a mistake because we are trying to manufacture our own light to fulfill the purpose of God in our life.  We do not want to make our own light.  

First, when we make our own light we don’t realize that God has allowed the darkness in our lives.  Darkness does not dispel light. It is light that dispels darkness. If it is dark in our experience it on account that God has allowed that darkness into our lives.  If you are walking with the Lord and darkness comes upon your walk, it’s because the Lord has removed the light.  

When God made the first day in the book of Genesis, he made day and night. The night is as much from God as in the day. What I find fascinating that there are some things you can’t see unless it’s dark, things like the moon and stars. Likewise, in the spiritual realm, there are things you can’t see unless the lights go out.   

Second, when we make our own light to replace God’s it only makes things worse.  The Living Bible says making our own light will cause you to, “live among sorrows.”  I could pull out a lengthy list of sorrows in my life that resulted from me making my light to replace God’s. But I believe it would have a greater impact if we turned to the myriad of examples in the scriptures. 

Three chapters into the book of Genesis and you will find Adam and Eve making their own light because they wanted to “be like God.”  All of humanity has been living in the sorrows of that mistake.  

Abraham received the promise of a child from God, one that he gladly believed in.  However, when the darkness of waiting on God to fulfill the promise was more than he and Sarah could bear, they lit their own light and the result was Ishmael. Again, a sorrow we still experience to this very day.   

Moses tried to light his own light when he killed the Egyptian soldier, causing him to flee for his life, and setting the deliverance of God back forty years.  And there are many more examples, but I believe this proves the point. Don’t make your own light to dispel the darkness.  It will only lead to sorrow.  Third, the person walking in the dark with God trust and relies on Jesus in the dark.

Trust and rely on Jesus in the dark.  

In verse ten it says, “trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.”  When we trust and rely on the Lord in the darkness, we are following the Lord’s example. Notice verse six in this same chapter, “I gave my back to those who strike, and my cheeks to those who pull out the beard; I hid not my face from disgrace and spitting.”  This is a prophecy that was fulfilled at the crucifixion of Jesus. This is the darkest moment of Christ’s life. What did Jesus do? He trusted God to help him and contend for him. He didn’t take things into his own hands but entrusted himself to the Father.    

Jesus is the author and perfector of our faith. He has gone before us and conquered the dark night of the soul.  Therefore, we should trust and rely on him when it’s dark and we can’t see. 

The Hebrew word translated “rely on” can also translate “stay.” It means to lean for support. The person who relies on is God leans on him for support.  The root of that word is found in Psalm twenty-three, verse four, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” They translate the root word, “comfort.” The rod and staff hold me up. They encourage me. They support me. When we are in the darkness, we need a rod and staff to support us, and that rod and staff is Jesus.   

Some things you can only see in the darkness. When you are in the darkness, you need someone to support you as you walk, and that someone is Jesus.  One person has said, “you don’t know how much you need Jesus until Jesus is all you have.” Interestingly, we can see Jesus more in the dark than we can when we are in the light.  

Every spring, when we are working in the yard and flowerbeds, my wife reminds me of a mistake I made a few years ago. I try to forget about it, but she always reminds me I killed one of her favorite flowers, the moonflower.  The moonflower got its name because the beautiful white or purple tubular flower blooms at night and remains open until the morning light touches the flower.  The beauty of the moonflower is dependant upon the darkness of night.  

Much of the fruit of our spiritual life is dependant upon the darkness of night. Therefore, it is important to keep walking with God when the lights go out and you can’t see what God is doing.  Don’t give in to the temptation of making your own light because you will only regret it. Trust and rely on Jesus. He is the light and support that will keep you going in the right direction.   The darkness of obedience has so much more light than the shining light of leaning on your own understanding.  

In the dark, you’ll find Jesus. When you do, as the old song says, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.” 

A Holy Ambition: 1 Thessalonians 4:9-12

It started out to be a normal workday for Utah highway patrolman Lieutenant Nick Street.  When Mr. Street saw a car driving down the highway at 30 mph swerving in and out of lanes; it didn’t strike him as out of the ordinary to his daily experiences. However, when he could pull the vehicle over, his normal workday would be one that he would remember for a long time.  

Lt. Street was expecting to find an adult, possibly with a medical condition when he made his way to the front of the car. Instead, he found a five-year-old boy.  The boy had taken the keys to his parent’s SUV.  He told the Lt. Street that he was driving to his sister’s house in California and would buy a Lamborghini with the 3 dollars he had in his pocket.  The five-year-old boy showed tremendous ambition.  

Ambition can be good, or it can be bad. One person has defined ambition “as a striving for some kind of achievement or distinction, and involves, first the desire for achievement, and, second, the willingness to work towards it even in the face of adversity or failure.”  This is a good definition.  

Aristotle spoke about the distinct characteristics of ambition as virtues. He distinguished between “healthy ambition,”, “unhealthy ambition,”, and “lack of ambition,”.  Healthy ambition, said Aristotle, is a “measured striving for achievement or distinction, whereas unhealthy ambition is destructive and more akin to greed.”    

We can see the dark side of ambition in our world and culture today.  One only has to do a Google search for self-help books on ambition and you will find titles like: “Looking Out for Number One”, “Every Man is a King”, “Pushing to the Front”, and “How to be King of Your HIll.”  This is an unhealthy ambition, and it is surely a nonbiblical ambition.   It is an unholy ambition.  

The Scriptures call us to be ambitious for the kingdom of God and for the glory of God.  The word of God calls us to a holy ambition.  A simple definition of holy ambition is aspiring to live a life that is pleasing to God. 

The apostle Paul wrote these words, “Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more,” (1 Thessalonians 4:1).  Pleasing God needs to be our ambition in life.  Paul further defines this ambition in subsequent verses, “Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and aspire (make it your ambition) to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you. So that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one,” (1 Thessalonians 4:9-12).  

In verse ten, Paul exhorts Christians to love “more and more”. He states in verses eleven, “and aspire”. Some translations say, “make it your ambition”.  This ambition calls us to a God-honoring ambition. There is an enormous difference between worldly ambition and a holy ambition. Worldly ambition aspires to do what self wants to do.  A holy ambition aspires to be who God wants you to be and to do what God wants you to do. Paul gives four truths in verses nine through twelve that should be the ambition of every follower of Christ. First, we should make it our ambition to have a maturing love for others.  

Maturing love for others. 

In verses nine and ten, the topic is love. Not just any love, but brotherly love.  The Greek word translated is a compound word. It combines the Greek word “phileo” with “adelphos.” Phileo love speaks of a love that is tender and affectionate.  Adelphos is a family term.  Paul is speaking about an affectionate love that God’s family needs to have for one another.  

As believers in Christ, we are born again into the family of God.  We become joint-heirs with Jesus, which makes Jesus our elder brother and God our father.  The Thessalonians were doing an outstanding job affectionately and tenderly loving one another.  God taught this brotherly love to them and to us.  

In the last part of verse nine, it says, “for you have been taught by God to love…” The Greek word for love is not “phileo,” but “agape.”  Agape love is sacrificial love. It is divine love. It’s the love that we experience when we come to Christ and the Holy Spirit pours the agape love of God into our hearts.  The Son of God teaches us to love too. 

It was Jesus, in the thirteenth chapter of the gospel of John, who gave us a new commandment to “love one another, as I have loved you.” He also said, “By this, all people will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” God is love, and he teaches us to love. Not only does he teach us to love; he also gives us the ability to do it.  

In verse eight, it says, “Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”  God gives his Holy Spirit to true believers, and only by his Spirit can we live the Christian life and continue to mature in our love for God and for others. As we experience the filling of the Spirit and keep in step with the Spirit, we can truly love others with the same love that we have experienced from God.    

Paul says that we must continue to mature in our love “more and more.” It is a lifelong process. And one of the most frequent ways God matures us in our love is by putting unlovable people in our lives.  Some of these people have hurt us terribly to where we consider them our enemies.  What does God’s love teach us? It teaches us to forgive those who have wronged us. It teaches us to pray for them. It teaches us to bless them.  What does that look like? For me, I ask God to bless my enemy with the same blessings I want him to give me.  I then pray for God to help me rejoice in those blessings if he blesses them.  It must be our ambition to mature in our love for God and others.  Second, it must be our ambition to have increasing faith in Christ.  

Growing faith in Christ. 

In verse eleven, begin a series of commands, “and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you.”  The apostle is dealing with a specific situation in Thessalonica with these commands.  The expectation of Christ’s return consumed this church, to the point they were no longer working and taking care of their own needs.  They were also anxious about Christ’s return.  A few of the believers had died, and they wondered about what would happen to the dead at his return.  Therefore, Paul addresses this issue in the subsequent verses.   

The first command deals with the quality of life lived as believers.  Paul makes an interesting word choice, “and to aspire to live quietly.” Literally, he says, be quiet.  Another way to translate this is “stay calm” or “make it your ambition to be still.”  Paul is referring to the tranquillity of life, calmness, and simplicity in life.    

The anxiety of the Thessalonians caused them to be annoying. It’s addressed in the second command, “and to mind your own affairs.”  One translation says, “don’t be busybodies.”  The Patrick Mead translation of the first two commands is, “stay calm, be still, trust God, and don’t be annoying.”  The only way we can overcome anxieties and avoid becoming that annoying person controlled by anxieties is by trusting God and asking him to give us an increasing faith in his promises.  

I pastored a lady anxious about her salvation. She constantly questioned her salvation. She would call me, or email me with this issue constantly.  I would share the scriptures with her and the promises of God, and it helped for a while. However, over time she would become anxious about the same thing and who did she call or email? Yes, her anxiety was annoying, and what she lacked was a simple faith in the promises of God.    

What about our own lives? We live in a fast-paced society, running in all directions, causing much tension and anxiety. I’m convinced that one wonderful thing from COVIC-19 has been the slowing down of our lives.  As believers, we need to be still and spend time in the presence of God, which results in increasing our faith.  

Recently, the Lord gave me Psalm 46:10 for the season I’m in, “Be still and know that I am God.” The NAS says, “Cease striving.”  I really love The Passion Translation, “Surrender your anxieties to the Lord, stop striving and know that I’m God.”   The Lord is saying, “stay calm and trust in me. Stop trying to make things happen, sit back, and watch me work.”  Third, we must make it our ambition to have a penetrating impact on society. 

Penetrating impact on society

The last command Paul gives concerning the specific situation is, “and to work with your hands.” With the anticipation of the imminent return of Christ, the Thessalonians stopped working. As a result, they became dependant upon family, friends, and society to take care of them.  They were unproductive contributors to society. There is a broader principle to apply from this command.  

The impact the Thessalonians were having on society was not a positive impact.  It did not reflect well upon Christianity.  Our ambition as believers should be to have a penetrating, positive, Christ-centered impact on the society that we live in.  This impact is about being the person God wants you to be so you will do the things that God wants you to do.  When you have a penetrating impact for Christ you are being productive for God. 

I recently finished the biography of Jim Elliot, one of the five missionaries killed on January 8, 1958 in Ecuador by the Auca Indians. Jim’s wife, Elisabeth, after his death, reached the unreached people with the gospel, and the men who killed the missionaries gave their lives to Jesus.  The lives of Jim and Elisabeth had a positive impact on subsequent generations and continues today.  Madelina Pena said it well about this couple: “Jim and Elisabeth Elliot are two of the most influential people in the history of missions.  Their lives reflect total devotion to Christ and the message of the gospel. Their stories of perseverance, suffering, and even death have inspired many to go reach unreached peoples.” Be all that God wants you to be and do all that God wants you to do.  Have a penetrating impact on society.  Fourth, we must make it our ambition to have a fitting representation before outsiders.  

Fitting representation before outsiders 

It states the reason for having a holy ambition in verse twelve, “so that you may walk properly before outsiders.”  The outsiders that Paul is referencing are unbelievers, people who have never given their life to Christ.  A proper walk with Christ, a holy ambition, gives a fitting representation of Christ to those who don’t know Christ.   

Have you ever been to a funhouse at the fair or carnival? Most every funhouse has a section full of mirrors. They call some house of mirrors.  The house of mirrors is full of distorted mirrors, which do not represent the image in front of the mirror.  Some mirrors make you look fat, others skinny, or tall, or short.  These mirrors purposely distort.  When we don’t have a holy ambition, we distort the image of Christ.  And when we distort the image of Christ, we distort an outsider’s understanding of Christ.  

It’s interesting to think spiritual things are best understood through what we can see, hear, taste, smell, and touch.  God uses material evidence to reveal spiritual truths. This material evidence is a sacrament. The word sacrament means a visible sign of an invisible reality.  We see this in baptism, the Lord’s Supper, and marriage.  

As followers of Christ, we should strive to make our lives a sacrament, a visible sign of an invisible reality, Christ Jesus.  To do so, we must have a healthy, holy ambition to please God, one that aspires to love others, trust Christ, be what God wants us to be so we can properly represent our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  

Unforgettable: Growing in Romance

Unforgettable: Growing in Romance

Song of Solomon 4, 6, 7

February 14, 1995. It started off with about a dozen or so roses being delivered at 8:00 a.m. to the library at the Criswell College in Dallas, Texas. The recipient of those roses was this curly-haired, blonde-haired Texas girl by the name of Christy Dawn Brashear. I remember that day well because she had big hair. It was a humid day, right? I remember delivering the flowers, and she was like, "Oh my hair! It's all big. It's humid!"

We had some big plans that day. I showed up that evening to her mom's house, and I had some more roses. I had a poem I wrote myself. We went to a popular restaurant in Dallas where lovers go, especially on February 14. We had dinner. I had duck, and you had mahi-mahi. We finished the dinner. I got down on one knee, and I said, "Christy Brashear, would you marry me?" She said, "Yes!"

That day is probably the day I've been most romantic in my life. It might have been the only day I have been romantic in my life. I actually thought I would surprise her. I thought she would be surprised. She acted surprised when I proposed, but a few years into our marriage, she said, "Well, let me just go ahead and let you know I wasn't surprised. I expected you to propose that night."

You know, what was interesting… Do you young people know what a cassette tape is? Okay.Well, my mother-in-law made a cassette tape, and she put music on it. We listened to those love songs on the way to the restaurant and on the way back. One of those love songs was Nat King Cole's "Unforgettable."

I would love to tell you that I'm just a romantic guy, but I'm not. If it wasn't for my mother-in-law, she might have said no. My mother-in-law helped me out that day. I did write the poem, and I was inspired. It had to be inspired by God, because out of the 19 years of our marriage, I haven't been inspired to do it again, and I've tried! I'm like, "How in the world did I do that?" It was pretty good, wasn't it? Yeah!

I do watch a lot of Hallmark movies. I do! I watch more than my family. I watch them over and over again, but somehow in my life, the romance has not bled over into my marriage. About a couple of years ago, Christy and I attended a Family Life marriage conference. Has anybody ever been to that Weekend to Remember? Yeah. Don't you hate those? Boy, I'll tell you, they hit you right between the eyes.

We realized something that day, that you cannot put marriage on cruise control. If you think your marriage is going to go in the right direction all by itself, it won't. What will happen is you'll crash, or your marriage will go missing in action. Our couple in the Song of Solomon is showing us what an ideal marriage looks like. If you were here last week, an ideal marriage is not conflict-free. Can I get an amen? An ideal marriage learns how to work through that conflict. An ideal marriage learns how to fight good, not bad.

We've learned they've already dealt with conflict. What we see with this couple is they're not at war with one another. They're not combative. They're not self-serving. Instead, what they are doing is expressing their love for one another with the goal of contributing to the other's life. See, that's what marriage is all about.

This is how God designed marriage. Even if you're unbelievers, God designed marriage in this way. It is between a man and a woman. Okay? Amen? Okay. It's in the Bible. It's between a man and a woman where the two become one. They began to reflect the very nature and character and the glory of God. They do that by becoming one, one flesh, this oneness. The man shall leave his mother and father, and the woman, and they shall become one flesh.

In that union, God has designed his nature and character and glory to be reflected. That's why it's so important as believers that we stand up for what marriage really is because at stake here is the glory of God. We see that with this couple. What I've learned and what we're going to learn is that true romance is something that has to be cultivated throughout the marriage. Husbands, if you're like me, you probably think, "Well, I'm not a romantic. I'm not romantic."

Well, that's no excuse (and I'm talking to myself). That's no excuse for not trying to grow in romance. You have to be intentional. This couple is intentional in their growth and romance. Let me give you four things that kill true romance in marriage and why romance goes to the wayside in many marriages (mine included).

First is sin. Sin is always a romance-killer. You see, when you got married, you married a sinner. Do you know that, husband? Do you know that, wife? Yeah, and that's the problem with marriages. You're married. You have two sinners married to one another. A lot of times and many times, one of them or both of them can be selfish and self-serving.

Then what happens is they may say something that hurts the other one. If you don't deal with it in a proper way like we learned last week about extending forgiveness and trying to bring resolution to conflict… If you don't deal with those words or those hurt feelings, what happens is that heart becomes callous. All of a sudden, a couple doesn't have those… What's the song?"You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'." Yeah, you want to kill each other, right? Sin kills romance.

The second thing is vanity. Vanity is where you put all your emphasis on the outward appearance. If your emphasis is on the outward appearance, obviously time and disease and everything else that happens to our bodies are against you. That's why it's so important that when you are in arelationship that you fall in love with who the person is. You fall in love with their soul, their inner beauty.

Then there's the third one: forgetfulness. We get married, and then for some reason we take each other for granted. We take our spouse for granted. We forget all of those things that attracted usto them in the first place. Maybe we forget all those beautiful qualities, and now all we see are those negative qualities. We begin to become ungrateful because of all of those negative things we see. We forget all the good things.

That's why when it comes to forgetfulness, to overcome that, you have to be intentional about remembering. Especially if you find yourself only focusing on all the negatives of your spouse, that's a good time to get out and write down those positive qualities. It might take you a while, but you'll find them. They were there at one time.

Then the fourth one is laziness. This is where most of us are, where we get so involved with life.We're married. Now we have children, and now we have work. We're so busy. We're going here.We're going there. Then all of a sudden, being romantic becomes a chore. If you're like me, well, I'm just sometimes too lazy to work at it.

All of these things kill true romance. What this couple is going to teach us is if we're going to grow in romance, we have to work at it. We have to be intentional. We can't be forgetful. We have to work through the sin in our lives. We have to work through the vanity. We need to begin to look at the inward person. We have to work! You can't be lazy. You can't be forgetful. What we learn first of all from this couple is…

1. To grow in true romance you have to grow in appreciation for your spouse. When you grow in appreciation for your spouse, what happens is it begins to cultivate and create security in a marriage. We see that with this couple. Let's pick up the story in verse 4. It says in verse 4, "You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love, lovely as Jerusalem, awesome as an army with banners."Hold your finger there. We going to come back, but go to verse 10.

In verse 10 it says, "Who is this who looks down like the dawn, beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun, awesome as an army with banners?" What we have here is a bookend. It gives us a section of Scripture. What we find in this section, in these bookends, is the husband. He is singing here. Remember this is a love song. He is speaking and singing to his wife. He is showing his appreciation, not just that he appreciates her but that they're growing. He is growing in appreciation. Let's pick it up in verse 4.

"You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love, lovely as Jerusalem, awesome as an army with banners.Turn away your eyes from me, for they overwhelm me—your hair is like a flock of goatsleaping down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of ewes that have come up from the washing; all of them bear twins; not one among them has lost its young."

Now if you were here a few weeks ago, in chapter 4, these are the very same words he spoke to his wife. In fact, they were at the wedding making a commitment to one another. It says in verse 1 of chapter 4 (he is speaking to his bride), "Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats…"

So he likes her hair. I know we can't relate to goats being symbolic of beautiful hair, but for a shepherding culture, they understood that. He has this line he likes to repeat. "Honey baby, your hair looks like a goat's hair. It's beautiful!" He goes on. "Your hair is like a flock of goats…"Then he says, "Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing,all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young."

Two times! He really likes the woman's hair. I want to say this. Men, if you have a praise, a line, your wife likes, keep using it. Obviously this is working for the man in this text. "Hey, baby. I love your hair. It looks like goats. Your teeth! I love your teeth. They're white, and you have all your teeth." That was a big thing then!

You know, I wouldn't do that to Christy, but I do have a song for Christy: Van Morrison's "Tupelo Honey." Yeah. Yeah, I look at her and go, "Hey, baby. You're as sweet as tupelo honey." That's awhole lot better than saying, "Your hair looks like goat's hair." That's what he is doing. Here'srepetition. Repetition is important in Hebrew language, because when you see repetition in Hebrew language, that means, "You need to pay attention to this."

If you see a word or a phrase that's stated over and over again, that means they're trying to communicate something. The very fact that he is using the same lines over again is teaching a lesson to married couples, that if you're going to grow in romance, you have to continue to do so.It doesn't stop when you say, "I do." You know, we men tend to think once we say, "I do," we got her. We're going to bag her, and we're going to move on to the next doe, right? No.

We have to keep working at romance. That's what we see. He doesn't give up. He is still showinghis appreciation for her. To grow in true romance, we continue to do that throughout our lives as a married couple. You do it as you show greater appreciation for one another. Notice what he says again in verse 4. "You are beautiful as Tirzah…"

Now Tirzah was a city that was really the capital city of the northern kingdom during the time of Solomon. It was a beautiful, strong city. When he says, "You are like Tirzah," he is saying to his woman, "You're strong, and you're beautiful." Then he says, "You're like Jerusalem. You're as lovely as Jerusalem." Now if you've ever been to Israel… Has anybody been to Israel? Yeah.Y'all have been a few times, and I went with you.

I'll never forget when we were entering into Jerusalem, and the guide put in some music about Jerusalem. We were winding around the road. You get around this corner. All of a sudden, there is Jerusalem. I can't explain the feeling. It's like you have this feeling like, "Man, I'm home." I don't know about anybody else, but my jaw dropped. I thought, "What beauty! This is the Holy City!"

That's what he is saying to his wife. "You're like Jerusalem, that wonderful Holy City on a hill. When I see you, you're so beautiful that my jaw drops. I am in awe of you." You see, he likes her physical appearance. He says, "You're majestic. You're beautiful. You're strong." But he doesn'tstop there. You see, he doesn't just focus on the physical. He goes beyond that. He is in love with who she is, and he becomes more creative.

Verse 7. He says, "Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. There are sixty queens and eighty concubines, and virgins without number. My dove, my perfect one, is the only one, the only one of her mother, pure to her who bore her." He is talking about who she is, her character, her purity.

"The young women saw her and called her blessed; the queens and concubines also, and they praised her." Then in verse 10, it says, "Who is this who looks down like the dawn, beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun, awesome as an army with banners?" He is talking about who she is as a person. What we see is that he is growing in appreciation for his wife.

Here's what's so important. If we're not careful, through forgetfulness, we can stop growing in appreciation for our spouse. We begin to take them for granted, and we need to be mindful of this, that we have to grow in appreciation and begin to communicate those qualities. What happens when you grow in appreciation for your spouse is it actually gives security to your marriage, especially to wives.

When their husband is constantly communicating how he appreciates her and that appreciation is growing, what that does is it gives her security. That irrevocable commitment you made, you're actually committed to that, and you're appreciating her. It gives her that assurance. Husbands, that also shows to us that we need to be mindful of speaking our appreciation for our wives so we can begin to take out that inner beauty.

See, that's the focus you ought to have, ladies. There's nothing wrong with outer appearance, but what is lasting is your inward beauty, your inward person in the heart. What's so important is that you begin to cultivate that beauty. Husbands, what's important for you is to draw that beauty out, showing greater appreciation for your wife. See, what happens is it brings security in your marriage.

2. To grow in true romance you need to recognize the seasons of marriage so your marriage can stay in rhythm. To understand verses 11 through 13, you have to go back to verse 9 where he says, "The young women saw her and called her blessed." Then it says, "The queens andconcubines also, and they praised her."

Scholars believe what's happened here is these queens, these concubines, these ladies are all praising her and blessing her for this reason. When they entered into that season of conflict, she recognized what she had done, and she sought out her husband. She wanted to bring resolution to this conflict, and they did.

What they are doing in verse 9 is they're saying, "Bless you! Bless you for realizing there is conflict in your marriage, there's conflict in your relationship. Bless you! We praise you for you have pursued your husband to bring about resolution by asking for forgiveness." Of course, he is extending forgiveness. Maybe it goes vice versa. With that in mind, with the idea of conflict being resolved, now we can begin to understand verse 11.

This is the woman, and she begins to sing, "I went down to the nut orchard to look at the blossoms of the valley, to see whether the vines had budded, whether the pomegranates were in bloom." She is going down during the spring season. "Let's see if we see the fruit coming out.Are the buds budding?" so to speak. This is imagery of spring, and spring is symbolic of love.

She is acknowledging, "We've just gone through this season of conflict, but now that we've gone through this conflict, what is happening is now we're in this new season of love, this new seasonof growth. We've brought resolution. Now our love is going to grow deeper." What every married couple needs to understand and what every person who wants to get married needs to understand is there will be seasons in your marriage.

Oh, there will be those spring seasons, but there will be some hard seasons as well. Some of those hard seasons will come from the outside, and some of those hard seasons will come with the conflict within your marriage. What you need to understand is those seasons will come. Just understanding those hard seasons will come will help you keep your marriage in rhythm.

What I want to encourage you to do is when those hard seasons come… I was thinking about myown marriage. When my wife and I started ministry… I look at the first few years of ministry.We had some hard seasons on the outside. They were drawing us closer together. We realized God was using those hard seasons in ministry to make us more like Christ.

When we went through a church split, it was probably one of the hardest times in our lives, but it was probably one of the greatest times where we came together as one. See, that's what God does. He uses those hard seasons in your marriage to bring you together if you will allow him.Then we've had seasons where it wasn't things on the outside that were hard; it was our own relationship. We've had to work through those, but we believe God can even use those. He can use conflict to bring about oneness and bring about new seasons of growth.

It's so important when it comes to true romance that you are going to experience seasons in your marriage. Do not let the hard seasons destroy your marriage, but allow them to become a tool in the hands of God no matter how bad they may be. Let me just say this. I have seen marriages that biblically, one of those spouses had every right to say, "I can divorce you."

I have watched two couples. I have watched one, a best friend of mine, and I have watched another couple I've counseled. I've watched them say, "Do you know what? We're going to allow the gospel to bring healing and forgiveness to these relationships." They allowed God to take oneof the worst sins, the sin of infidelity in a marriage, and allowed that to heal them and to glorify God through it. You need to expect seasons in your marriage so you can keep your marriage in rhythm.

3. To grow in true romance you have to communicate satisfaction with your spouse. That will help you protect intimacy. This is not only with your words but also with your actions. You need to let your wife, you need to let your husband, know, "I am totally satisfied with you. I'm satisfied with you! I find satisfaction in you. I don't have to go outside of you to find satisfaction."

I want you to see how the husband communicates his satisfaction. Men, you may want to do this when you go home. I don't know if you want to use his words, but I would definitely use his template, because what he does is he starts with her feet, and he goes all the way to the top of her head. By doing that, he talks about her beauty. What he is saying is, "Everything about you satisfies me."

Now let's go along. Hey, this is the Bible, okay? This is the Word of God. "I can't believe the pastor said that." I didn't say it. I'm just reading it. Here we go. Verse 1 of chapter 7: "Howbeautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter!" Husbands, have you ever looked down at your wife's feet and said, "Man, you have pretty feet"? The only thing I've heard from my wife is, "Honey, you need to cut your toenails." "Why?"

He says, "Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand." Those are good words! "Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine." I don't know. "Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies." I am sure that meant something special. I'm just going to say, "Honey, you're as sweet as tupelo honey." Well, here we go. Let's get right into this.

"Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Youreyes are pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim." I don't understand this one. "Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, which looks toward Damascus." "I love your big nose." I don't know. "Your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses."

He gets very seductive here. "How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!" "I delight in you! I find complete satisfaction in you." "Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, 

and your mouth like the best wine."

I don't think I need to explain that. I don't think I want to explain that is what I'm trying to say.Some things you just need to do on your own. Okay. Now I want you to see what happens. He is saying, "Baby, you're all I need." Here's how she responds. "It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth." Huh. Lips and teeth. We won't go there. Verse 10. "I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me."

She says, "I'm satisfied with you." She is saying it because she understands he is communicating satisfaction with her. It's more than just words. You see, words are cheap, right? Actions speak louder than words. He is communicating with words, but with his life, he is saying to his wife, "I am satisfied with you." It's so important that we communicate that satisfaction in our actions and in our words because it does protect intimacy.

Let me show you how. Let me give you a list of what I call nine signs that you're dissatisfied with your spouse. Dr. Danny Akin calls them "Nine Warnings Signs of Infidelity." In other words, if these signs are there, if you don't deal with them, you're on a road to disaster. Let's look at the first one.

This is a sign of dissatisfaction. First, the feeling of going through the marriage motions. Second,inventing excuses for visiting someone of the opposite sex. Third, increasing male/female contacts in normal environments. In other words, at work or maybe in the choir, you want to hang around the girls or the guys. See, you're increasing male or female contacts.

Fourth, being preoccupied with thoughts of another person (thoughts only you and God know). Fifth, exchanging gifts with friends of the opposite sex. Sixth, making daily/weekly contact with the opposite sex by phone, text, or social media. Go read the statistics of how many divorces have happened through social media.

Seventh, putting yourself in situations where a friend or employee might become more. Eighth,having to touch, embrace, or glance at a person of the opposite sex. Ninth, spending time alone with anyone of the opposite sex. All of those are signs of dissatisfaction. Now if you can relate toany of those signs, I want to encourage you as a couple to find help.

Listen. This is a hospital. This isn't a place where we say only those who have it together come. This is a place where we struggle. This is a place where we come in struggling. You need to understand we're all in this together. I want to encourage you to find help, counseling, whatever it takes, because if you don't deal with this dissatisfaction, it can lead you down a road of disaster and destruction.

I want you to see what happens. Remember, he is protecting intimacy by his communication of his satisfaction. Here's how she responds to that. Verse 11: "Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages; let us go out early to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes give forth fragrance, and beside our doors are all choice fruits, new as well as old, which I have laid up for you, O my beloved."

In other words, she is saying, "Okay, honey. Let's get together. Let's be alone. Let's be intimate." Communicating satisfaction with your spouse protects that intimacy. Men, what we say, how we say it, will have a great effect on our intimacy with our spouses, whether good or bad. I want to make a statement here about growing in true romance. Maybe as a man you might say, "Well, I don't agree with you, Preacher." Watch this.

I believe growing in true romance is a part of spiritual growth. The reason I believe that is it's in the Bible. It's in the idea of marriage that God gave us in the Song of Solomon. They didn't stop romance after the wedding. He continued to grow in appreciation for his wife. He continued to communicate satisfaction with his wife. What that tells me is that God gives us a picture of an ideal marriage, and he gives us a picture of two people cultivating true romance in their relationship.

That tells me that a part of us growing in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, especially in the area of our marriages, that means we, by the power of Jesus, men, need to stop being forgetful. We need to stop being lazy. We need to deal with the sin that has hindered our relationship and possibly brought conflict into our relationship. This is husband and wife together.

We need to deal with the focus on the outward and not the inward beauty of the person. I truly believe (and I say that as one who really needs to grow in this area) if we're going to grow spiritually as a couple, then that cultivation, that growth, needs to take place in your relationship to one another in the area of romance. I believe growing in romance is synonymous with growing in grace.

I think there's a great challenge for all of us here. First of all, obviously the couples. Are you growing in grace? Are you growing in romance? Are you just too lazy and forgetful? Maybe there's conflict in your relationship, and romance isn't even a thought. All you can think about is, "How am I going to kill him? I can't divorce him, but maybe I can kill him."

Are you growing in grace? Is your family growing in grace? I want to challenge single parents here. Obviously you don't have a mate, but you have children you're to lead. You need to teach them all about grace, all about what grace means. You know, grace isn't something we earn. It's something Jesus earned. Y'all understand that, right? We don't earn favor from God; Jesus earned it for us. Do y'all understand that?

There's nothing we can do to earn more favor from Jesus. There's something we can do to get a greater fellowship with him. The Bible says if we obey his commands, he will come and abide with us and make his home with us. That's more fellowship. But you're not going to get any more favor. You have all the favor you need, because Jesus earned it for you. That's what grace is! You obey because you have all the favor you need!

Parents, we need to teach that. We need to exhibit that in our families. I want to challenge even single moms or dads. I know there's a challenge. Boy, we pray for you. I want to challenge you to lead your children in what it means to experience grace. Then for single people, grow in grace. Remember to become that right person. Become that right person!

Here's my challenge. First of all, it's to couples. Husbands, I want to challenge you today that if you're not growing in this area of true romance… I want to challenge you husbands: you leadyour family. You lead your wife. You be the first one to repent. You be the first one to pray. You be the first one to say, "Forgive me." You! You lead.

Then I want to challenge single parents to lead. Lead! I want to challenge single people to follow Jesus. Then I want to challenge you here today. Some of you have never trusted Christ as your Lord and Savior. Jesus wants to lead you to eternal life. In fact, his arms are open wide, and he says today, "I love you. I've died for you."

You can have eternal life. All you have to do is acknowledge your sin, turn from your sin, and place your faith in the saving work of Christ. If you'll do that today and follow Christ, he says, "I will give you life, and I will give it to you more abundantly." Let's bow our heads and close our eyes.

God is speaking to you this morning as a husband, as a wife, as a single parent, or just as a single person, a young person. You think, "Well, this whole thing about romance isn't about me." Well, romance is about spiritual growth. If you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you need to grow. I want to challenge you to follow Jesus.

I want to challenge marriages today. Husbands, lead your wife. Husband, you may want to bring your wife, you may want to bring your whole family, to the altar this morning just to say, "I want to be the leader in my family. I want to lead them in growth. I want to lead them in growing in grace."

You might be here this morning, and you know you need Jesus Christ. You're ready to trust him. Jesus is leading you to faith, and he'll give you that faith. In a moment when we sing, I want to invite you. If you feel led to bring your family, to lead your family, to the altar, you come. If you want to come as a single person, you come. If you want to come as a person needing Christ, you come, and you grab me by the hand.

Father, we thank you for your grace. We thank you for your mercy. Lead us. Lead us during this time as we respond to you and your Word to us this morning. In Christ's name, amen.

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