You're Crazy

The past two years have been enlightening in regards to my faith experience.  If you had told me a few years ago that I would grow weary in believing and hoping in the promises of  God, I would have said you're crazy.  But that's has been my experience the past few months.

When you grow weary of believing and trusting, you lose all expectation that something good is going to happen.  This weariness is a by-product of unfulfilled hope, which will crush your heart.  When faith is repeatedly broke, your ability to continue to hope with confident expectation diminishes.

My prayer for the last few months has been simple: "Lord, help me to believe all that you have promised."  Many times I have found myself with just enough faith to complain to God.  (Oh, for those of you who think that God doesn't welcome our complaining, you need to read the Psalms.  The only time God doesn't like our complaining is when we complain to others instead of him).  Many times I have pictured myself in a boat with Jesus in the middle of a storm, and Jesus is sleeping.  I'm trying to wake Jesus up,  but he continues to rest.  No matter how hard I try to wake him, he peacefully slumbers.

As a pastor, you are supposed to have answers to these types of struggles, but I don't.  Don't get me wrong, I know the answers, but for some reason, that knowledge brings no comfort or victory.

I know what some of you are thinking.  You think that I need to have faith and make positive declarations and confessions to win the victory.  But that doesn't work if you are exhausted and are struggling to believe.  And besides, I don't want a God that is going to make me jump through hoops before he decides to come to my rescue.  I don't want a God that I control (although life would be much easier if I could manage God).

So what's the answer for those who are weary? Pray for faith.  Exercise your weak faith even if it's a complaint to God in prayer.  There are days I don't know how I am going to get through this season.  There are days I wonder if the wounds that are open will ever heal.  But somehow, by the grace of God, I make it one day at a time.

If you are struggling with God, your faith, or something very similar, please contact me.  I don't have the answers, but we can work through our faith struggle together.