God is Good, and He will Let You Down.

I'm sinking.  My conversations and meditations with the Lord are mostly complaints and laments.  I stepped out of the boat to walk on water only to find myself drowning.  I want to believe that the fear and anxiety I am experiencing is a result of the waves, but what if it isn't the waves? What if I am sinking with my eyes on Jesus? What if I'm falling deeper because the hand of Jesus is pushing me under the water? How many times do you have to cry out before Jesus answers? Why is my concept of an earthly father seem more gracious than my Heavenly Father's? Why does God let me down so often? That's right, he lets me down. And if you are honest you will see that God let you down as well.  He let Joseph down into a pit and a prison.  So don't think he won't let you down.  There are times it's necessary for God to let us down to fulfill his purpose and plan for our lives, which is to conform us to the image of his Son, Jesus Christ. 

Nevertheless, with all these questions, I still declare this to be true: God is good.  God's goodness is not determined by whether he lets me down or not.  His goodness is who he is, and nothing can change that foundational truth. If I lose everything, and God does not answer my prayers for deliverance, I will still believe God is good.

I will believe he is good, not because of anything within me, but because of what God has given me. You see, during this season I have lost my faith, but something within me kept trusting.  My theology tells me that any faith I have is a gift from God.  I have always believed it, and still do today, even more so today, and here is why.

 If faith were mine, I would have checked out by now, but it's not.  God has given me faith, and that gift of faith is pulling and pushing me through when I want to give up.  In fact, I still want to give up.  Within the last week, I have questioned everything I believe, but I still believe.  I have accused God of being an absentee father, who does not care, even though he knows everything I am experiencing.  But I still believe.  So yes, God is good, if for anything, because he gives me the faith to believe when there seems to be nothing to trust and the ability and strength to hope when everything seems hopeless.