Do You Struggle with Doubt?

As a follower of Christ, do you struggle with doubt? If you're like me, then, the answer is yes.  In my personal experience, doubt comes in seasons or waves.  Times of strong faith followed by seasons of enormous, overwhelming doubt.  The preacher was correct when he penned, "For everything, there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1).  I'm currently in a season of doubt, but God's using it to strengthen my faith, and to help others with the same struggle. 

I'm learning that my struggles with doubt are not with God's ability, but his willingness to act on my behalf.  I believe in the promises and power of God but doubt his willingness to do anything for me.  Realizing the nature of my doubt enabled God to bring clarity and revelation concerning the source of doubt. 

The source of my doubt was God's inactivity or activity concerning my life circumstances.  Interestingly, I started believing that God was no different than my earthly father, who's aloof, uncaring, and by his actions, or lack of actions, unloving.  Actions speak louder than words. I believed that God, just like my dad, didn't care or love me; therefore, he's unwilling to help me.  I hope you can see, doubting the willingness of God is different than doubting God's ability.  How? Doubting God's willingness is linked to your self-worth, whereas, doubting God's ability is connected to the attributes of God.

God revealed that my perceived unwillingness on his part stems from disbelief concerning my position in Christ, which is the result of the poor relationship between my dad and me.  Over the years, I have allowed my dad's actions define my self-worth.  After forty-nine years of neglect, I, subconsciously, define my self-worth as unlovable.  When I doubt God's willingness, mostly in the midst of a tough season, it's a result of transferring my earthly father's neglect upon God. 

This revelation came through a season, one that I'm in now, of suffering.  Every external thing that I once allowed to generate self-worth is gone, except family.  Ministry provides so much to build one's self-worth.  Having people tell you how great a preacher and pastor you are goes a long way.  Mark Twain said, "I can live two months on a good compliment."  But there is more; experiencing success in ministry,  financial stability and other things can have the same self-worth building influence. 

I have a confession.  The season that I'm in is the toughest to date.  It's tough because my struggle is with my faith, and the God of my faith.  I'm convinced that just like every good marriage, our relationship with God grows through struggle.  It's tough because there are moments I don't see how God is going to get me through this season.  Thankfully, I see progress, even though each step of progress is met with much more progress to achieve.  My goal is to share my progress with the hope of helping others.