I Think I'm in Love--Part 2

First Southern Baptist Church

Dr. Patrick Mead

Series: God's Love Song

May 4, 2014

I Think I'm in Love – Part 2

Song of Solomon 1:4-6, 9-17; 2:1-7

It's Senior Adult Sunday. We really have some cool senior adults. Do you know that? Just to show you how cool they are, in their Sunday school they were learning about alcohol and drugs last week, and one them said, "Wow, we learned about alcohol and drugs in Sunday school and sex in the worship service." I love our senior adults. They're great.

Last week's sermon made for very interesting conversation around the lunch table at the Mead house. I asked my oldest daughters, "What did you think of the sermon?" It went something like this: "Awkward. Is that really in the Bible?" "Yeah, it's in the Bible." Then I think it was Abigail who said, "Well, I'm working in KidsLife until this series is over." I said, "Oh no, you're not. You're going to be in here every one." She says, "Well, I'm not going to be in there for the wedding night."

The Song of Solomon is in the Bible, and it is the Word of God. It is about marriage. It's God's gift to us, marriage and love and romance and intimacy. It is in the Scriptures. It is in the Word of God, because God created intimacy. He created romance and love. It's the fall that has perverted all these things God has created. Remember when God created everything he said it was good. When he created man and woman, he said it's very good. Then he says it's not good that man be alone, so he created Adam and Eve. So all of this is from God. It's God's gift to us.

The Song of Solomon is an idyllic picture of the relationship between husband and wife, man and woman, in the context of a covenant relationship. It's an intimidating book. It's also a very difficult book. There are different interpretations. There are those who believe the couple is already married when the book starts. I can understand that. Then there are those who hold to the view they're in the process. They're in love, then they get married in the middle of the book, and everything after the middle of the book is life after the wedding.

At this time I hold to that view, so that means as we study this and we look at the first three chapters, it's pre-marriage. It's a couple that is in love, and they're anticipating getting married. I said this last week. The first unit of thought starts in verse 2 of chapter 1 and ends in verse 7 of chapter 2. In that unit of thought you have anticipation.

They're anticipating the wedding, and they're anticipating life beyond the wedding, especially the woman. The woman is the most expressive in this book. I just read last week they didn't allow little Hebrew boys to read this book because of some of the explicit language the woman expresses. She's expressing her desire for her man, and there's this anticipation to be with her man, to make a home with her man. It's about true romance, about true love.

Last week we noticed true love delights in and takes pleasure in one another. The first four verses start off with her expressing her desire just to lay a good passionate kiss on her man. She wants to kiss him, and there's a desire for her to be intimate with her fiancé, because they anticipate getting married. That is not the root of their relationship.

The root of the relationship is they delight and take pleasure in who the other person is, their character and their spirituality. If you root a relationship in the physical, that will destroy your relationship over time. So they are taking pleasure and delight in who they are, the character, the spirituality. He loves the Lord.

Then we noticed how true love will conquer insecurities so you can give yourself to one another. In verses 5 through 8, she's very open and honest about her insecurities, her fears, her self-doubts. She expresses those, but she also expresses the fact that she's able to overcome those insecurities. Insecurities, and we all have them, will wreak havoc on a relationship, so you have to learn to accept yourself before you can give yourself away. She was doing that. She was conquering her insecurities.

We continue with the love song today, and we see true love that is God-honoring, that is glorifying to God, is what this book is about. It's interesting that the Song of Solomon is like the book of Esther in that it does not mention God. You won't find the name of God in the Song of Solomon. You don't find it in Esther either, but you know God is at work.

Even so, the book is written with the assumption that what takes place in this relationship between man and woman, husband and wife, is in the context of and in accordance with God's will, which is a relationship that glorifies God. Everything you see happening here is in the context of a relationship that is honoring to God and glorifying to God.

1. What we see is a God-honoring relationship expresses value and worth to one another. As Christians, if you think about it, we should be spokespeople for communicating value and worth to all people, because all people are created in the image of God. That means every person, all life, has value, and all life has worth. We should be the speakers and those who speak forth value and worth for all people.

When it comes to the marriage relationship, when it comes to a relationship where you have two people in love, expressing value and worth to one another is crucial, and we see this with the man and woman. Pick up the story in verse 9. We see the man's voice in verse 9. Guys, I do not recommend you use this as a compliment to your wife.

He says, "I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots." Believe it or not, this is actually a compliment, because the chariots of Pharaoh were pulled by beautiful, elegant, strong stallions, and he is basically saying to his woman, "You are beautiful. You are elegant." He's expressing her value and her worth. "You're everything."

Some have suggested he's also saying… I'm going to use vernacular our young people understand. He is basically saying, "Baby, you are hot, and you're driving all the men crazy." It wasn't uncommon for an enemy to take a mare in heat, and what they would do is let that mare in heat loose so the stallions that were pulling the chariots would go crazy. That was a way of attacking the enemy. He's basically saying the same thing to her. "You are hot. You're driving all the guys crazy." He speaks value and worth with his words.

He also shows value and worth by giving gifts. Look at verse 10. He says, "Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments…" It's not that the ornaments are lovely but that she brings out the beauty. The ornaments are bringing out the beauty of her cheeks. Her neck… We see the beauty with the strings of jewels.

So we have the chorus speak up in verse 11, and they say, "We will make for you ornaments of gold, studded with silver." They're saying, "Here. Give her a gift. Express her value. Express her worth. Give her a gift." That's one way you can express value and worth to another person. Give them gifts. Of course, that's not the only way.

Most of you are familiar with Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages. How many of you are familiar with that? If you're not, you don't even have to read the book. You can go online. You can actually understand and find out what your love language is, not only for adults, but they have it for children so, parents, you can understand the love languages of your children.

In his book he identifies five love languages. He identifies them as, first of all, words of affirmation, a person who wants affirmative words. You build them up with your words. That's how you can love them best. Then there's receiving gifts. For people who have that love language, the best thing you can do is give them a gift. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be a big gift. Just give them a gift, and you show them their value and worth.

Then there are acts of service. After acts of service there's quality time. Some people just want you to spend time with them, and that's really what matters. Then the last one is physical touch. Usually, you can tell. The really touchy people are people who have that love language. Usually, they express their love language in the same way, either acts of service or physical touch or quality time.

One of the best things you can do when it comes to expressing value and worth is understanding your mate's love language. It took me several years. I would say early on in our marriage and early on in my ministry it would be words of affirmation because I was such a people person and a people pleaser I wanted words of affirmation, but that can only go so far because sometimes people aren't going to give you words of affirmation. God had to break me of that. I think over the years my dominant love language would be acts of service.

It took me several years to really understand Christy because she's so complicated. No, she's… It took me years to really understand her and maybe some struggles in our marriage, and probably just recently I realized the best way I can communicate value and worth to her is through acts of service. When I clean the kitchen, that's like giving her a dozen roses. Right? And it's cheaper too.

One of these days… She's just waiting for me to start doing the laundry. That would be like giving her a diamond ring. One of these days… I'm going to wait for those girls to get out of the house and take their clothes with them. Oh my goodness, if I start doing it, they'll only have about five pairs of clothes, but anyway…

That's the way you can express it. He's expressing her value, and he's expressing her worth. She reciprocates. Look in verse 12. "While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance," talking about her perfume. What's she's saying is, "My perfume is for him and him alone. I really don't care what the other people think. What really matters is he likes how I smell." So she's expressing his value and worth.

Listen to this next verse. Don't get caught up with what it says. "My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh that lies between my breasts." Get past that word breasts, and there is some good meaning here. She's basically saying, "I hold him close to my heart. I cherish him." Then she goes, "My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi." This is her man.

In fact, she uses a term of endearment for him. Twice she calls him king. She says in verse 12, "While the king was on his couch…" Back in verse 4, she says, "Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers." Some suggest that's the title. Solomon would become a king, but I believe it's a term of endearment.

She's calling him king, and here's why: he treats her like a queen. She says, "I hold you dear to my heart. I dream about you." Women don't dream about guys who treat them with no respect. They dream about guys who treat them like a queen, and that's what she's saying. They're communicating value. They're communicating worth. I think it's interesting because we all have insecurities, and one of the things we can do as couples and as spouses in the married couples is…

2. We can help our mates with their own insecurities. Guys, one of the greatest areas women struggle with is in their appearance, because that's what she was talking about back in verse 6. When she said in verse 5, "I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon," she was expressing her value. She was expressing her own worth because she was able to overcome her insecurities.

Then she expresses her own struggle, and it all ties with her appearance. She says, "Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!" She has this natural beauty about herself, but she acknowledges this is an area where she struggles. Guys, this is one of the areas we can really help our women, help our wives, feel good about themselves, and here's how.

A. Do it with your actions. You say, "What do you mean?" This is destructive across the board, but it's especially destructive to your wife. Get rid of any pornography in your life, because when you look at pornography, when you… We'll take it down just below hard-core pornography, even soft pornography. Soft pornography is all over the television. Do you know that?

We have underwear commercials. We have Victoria's Secret commercials. At 9:00 you can watch a special with these ladies walking around in lingerie. What does it take to buy that stuff? Do you really need all that stuff? Listen, guys. How you view women in front of your wife can really communicate and devalue your wife's worth and value.

At my house… I don't do it just with my daughters. I made a covenant. I have to overcome… Guys, this is an area… We're very visual. I have three daughters at my home. If I'm watching TV with them, if one of those commercials comes on, I either pause it and we'll wait until it's over and we'll get through it, or…

I'm not watching it. I don't want my daughters and I don't want my wife seeing me going, "Oh boy, she's hot. Woo-hoo!" because I care about them. I care about how they think of themselves. I want them to feel value. I want them to feel worth. How dad and how a husband responds is a big key. So dads, husbands, express value and worth with your actions and with your eyes.

B. True love and true romance builds up one another with creative compliments. We have this back-and-forth going here, and now the man speaks up again in verse 15. He says, "Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves." Rabbinic tradition believed when you talked about the beauty of a person's eye you talked about the beauty of their personality, their soul. He's saying, "Your beauty is way beyond skin deep. You are beautiful from the inside out."

Have you heard of the old saying, "Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone"? Beauty can also be to the bone. What he's saying is it's beyond just her physical appearance. He sees her personality. He's complimenting her on her soul, and she responds in verse 16. "Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful." She delights in him, and she's saying it to him. "I delight in you."

Then she says, "Our couch is green; the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are pine." Most likely this is in anticipation here. It could very well be they're out enjoying time together. People in love like to spend time together. I see some couples… The guy walks into the room, and the woman says, "Stop it." "What?" "Stop that inhaling and exhaling. Stop it. I don't want you breathing around me. Get out of here." Do you know what? When you're truly in love, you love to spend time together.

Most likely they're spending time together. They're out. They're lying on the grass, maybe having a picnic, maybe in public. But she's anticipating, "One day we're going to be married, and one day we're going to make a home together. I can't wait for that day when we commit ourselves to one another in a covenant relationship." So there's this anticipation on her part. You know it, guys. We love to hear it. I don't know about you. I love it when my wife says, "You're a stud." I say, "Honey, you're just expressing what everybody else is thinking."

The creative compliments continue. Notice what she says in verse 1. "I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys." We look at that, and we think, "Man, she's feeling pretty good about herself," but that's not what's happening here. Guys, she is fishing for a compliment. You know, "Hey, does this dress make me look skinny?" She's fishing for a compliment. Here's what happens. She's basically saying, "You know, I'm just an ordinary gal. I'm just like all the other flowers in the field."

He responds. He hits a home run. Verse 2: "As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women." He is saying, and let me paraphrase it, maybe modernize it, "When you walk in the room, baby, you're in color, and all the other ladies are in black and white." That's what he's saying. He hit a home run. He understood she was fishing for a compliment. He gave her a compliment. "There's none like you. All the others are thorns."

She responds in verse 3. "As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men." She's a rose among thorns, and he's an apple among all the other guys. Again, she's saying, "You're the stud. There's no man like you." They're complimenting each other creatively.

It says, "With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love." She is telling him, "Man, I am lovesick." Then she gets very expressive again about her desire to be with her man intimately.

She says in verse 6, "His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!" The world would look at this first passage and the anticipation, and especially where the woman is expressing her desire to be with her man intimately… The world says, "Why wait?" The world says, "Act upon those passions and desires," and the world does.

In fact, our flesh says the very same thing. "Why wait? Act upon those God-given desires," but she understands this relationship needs to be in the right context. It needs to take place and things need to happen at the right time with the right commitment. What she does is she takes an oath in verse 7. She's saying it to the daughters of Jerusalem, but in this oath she is basically saying, "I am not going to allow my passions, and they are God-given passions, to become an idol for me."

That's what happens, and that's what the world does. We turn our sexual passions into idols. We let them control us. Whatever controls you is an idol. The world says, "Let your passions go free." She says, "I am not going to do that. I'm not going to allow my passions to go free. I'm not going to allow relationships to become an idol." Even though she's expressing how she's in love with this man, she's sick in love, she understands you have to control your passions for the sake of purity and ultimately for the glory of God.

Notice verse 7. She says, "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." Though she's speaking to the daughters of Jerusalem, she's making an oath. She is saying true love waits for the right time and the right commitment. To act upon those passions, to act upon those desires God has given us and in the right time, is a committed, covenant relationship between a husband and a wife.

She acknowledges the way you keep your passions from becoming idols, the way you keep relationships from becoming idols, is by putting God first, and that's what she's doing. "I'm in love with this man, but I am more in love with Jesus. I'm more in love with the Lord." She puts it all into the context, and that is true of all of us. No matter where you are in life, anything can become an idol, and if we are not careful, we can allow those things to become our gods. What we have to do daily is to seek first his righteousness and his kingdom.

This passage speaks to us. It speaks to singles. Some of you might be single. Some of you maybe were married, and you're no longer married. Here's how it speaks to you. It speaks to you about priority. Don't make finding a husband or a wife your main goal. Don't think, "If I just had a husband or a wife, I would feel better about myself."

Listen. The only way you can really overcome insecurities is by the grace of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I encourage you if you're in that season of life don't make finding a husband or a wife your main goal. Seek Jesus. Seek his righteousness. Love him. Treasure him more than anything else in life.

As Christy's old pastor used to say to singles back in the 90s, "You love Jesus. You serve Jesus. You run the race, and you keep your eyes on Jesus. Every once in a while, you look to the left, or you look to the right. If you see somebody running the race with you, if you see somebody loving on Jesus and seeking Jesus and y'all get along, marry them."

That's what happened to us. She had to really convince me that was the right thing to do. (I'm kidding. I had to beg her, "Please marry me.") Singles, focus. Run the race. Serve the Lord and guess what? Don't awaken it. Don't try to make things work. At God's timing, if it is his will, you will find your mate.

Let me speak to students. Students, don't make priority finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Make priority loving Jesus. That's the best thing you can do. I tell that to my kids all the time. Love Jesus. Don't waste… Listen. You're young. You're not emotionally mature. We see this with all the different things that are happening, with our young people taking their lives. Do you know what that's connected to? Emotional immaturity and falling in love too soon, and it's not even love.

Focus on Jesus. Trust Jesus. Serve Jesus. Grow emotionally. Grow spiritually. Do the same thing as you're running. For my girls, by the time you're 30, that's when you start looking over. Look over when you're 30. Yeah, you can live at home the rest of your life. Sure. No, I'm just kidding. We have to get rid of some of that laundry. Don't make that your focus. Don't awaken love before it's time. Focus on Jesus.

For those of you who might be in a relationship and you're contemplating, "Well, is this the person?" if it's not, then don't waste your time. If it is, then here's what you do. You put Jesus first, and you don't awaken love before it's time. Make sure that relationship is not rooted in the physical but it's rooted in Jesus and it's rooted in who that person is, their character, their spirituality, their godliness. Do they love Jesus? That's all I pray for my kids, and if they really truly love Jesus and if they find a man who loves Jesus, that takes care of a lot of stuff, doesn't it?

Then for us who are married, do you know what? This ought to challenge us. First of all, we ought to be striving every day to put Jesus first in our marriage and in our families, praying together, spending time together with the Lord. Then, guys, I'm having to step up my game with this study. I'm kind of convicted. There's no reason why we can't fan into flame those passions and desires we once had.

I know what God is doing with me as I remember. This is my bride, and I love who she is. I love her character. I love her spirituality, and you need to do that too, husbands and wives. How many of you went home and did the one-minute passionate kiss last week? You're not going to admit it. Okay. Go home, do a passionate kiss with your wife, husbands, and fan into flame.

Think of ways you can compliment one another creatively. Think of ways you can express value and worth to your spouse. Wives, we like it. Call us kings, call us studs, but please, we really like it. Husbands, speak value and worth to your wives with your words and with your actions. The key to all of this, and I always bring it back to this, is we have a fallen nature, and that's the problem. That's why we have problems in relationships. The only way we can overcome that fallen nature is with Jesus. It always brings us back to the gospel.

I performed a wedding last night, and they did a covenant marriage. I love doing those, because I asked them to commit to it. When you do a covenant marriage, you're saying, "We're in this till death," so the only way out is you're going to have to kill each other. In a covenant relationship and in a marriage, and this is what a Christian marriage is, it's about you giving of yourself. It's living out the gospel for your mate. Y'all become one.

Here's what Jesus did for us. He put aside all of his interests, he put aside all of his rights, and he gave himself for us. Right? That's what it means to live out the gospel in your marriage. Husbands, you give yourself to your wife in spite of your own interests, in spite of what it costs you. Wives, you do the same in spite of your own interests, in spite of what it will cost you. That's the gospel, and we need that. All of us need that, every one of us, because we all have a fallen nature.

Let's bow our heads and close our eyes. You're here this morning. All of us have a fallen nature. Every one of us has insecurities. Every one of us has fears and self-doubts. We all act them out in different ways, but the only way you can overcome those insecurities and fears is through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You're here this morning. I want you to know Jesus can make you whole. Jesus can heal you. Jesus can deliver you. Turn from your sin and place your faith in him today.

You're here this morning, and maybe you're in a relationship and you know it's not God-honoring and unhealthy. God is a God of second chances. Do you know that? Come to him in repentance. He'll forgive you. Start afresh today in that relationship. Maybe you're here this morning, and you're in a marriage and you don't have anything good to say about your spouse. The gospel can change your heart. You may not be able to change your spouse, but you can allow the gospel to change you and make you more like Jesus.

In a moment we're going to sing about needing God. If you need Christ as your Lord and Savior today, you just walk down the aisle, grab me by the hand, and say, "Pastor, I need Christ." If you need prayer, I would love to pray with you today. All of us go through struggles. Nobody is perfect. All of us fall, and that's why we need grace.

Father, have your way. Speak to our hearts now as we respond to you. In Jesus' name, amen.