Marry Me

 Marry Me

Song of Solomon 2:8-17; 3:1-5

All right. I couldn't find a 80s one to use for this title, but it's a good one: "Marry Me" by Train. Take your copy of God's Word and turn to chapter 2 of the Song of Solomon. Last week, I had a church member who is in his 80s tell me, "I've never heard a sermon series from the Song of Solomon." I told him, "Had I not announced it beforehand, you would have never heard it from me."

It's a tough and difficult book, but it's very practical and applicable to relationships before and after marriage. I chose the song "Marry Me" because the passage we're looking at is set in a time just days from a wedding. You could say the man has proposed. He and the woman are in a courtship relationship. I want you to look at some of the words of the song "Marry Me" by Train.

"Forever could never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you. Forget the world now. We won't let them see, but there's one thing left to do. Now that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way. Marry me, today and every day. Marry me." And then there's this phrase: "If I ever get the nerve to say, 'Hello,' in this café…"

Has anybody seen the video? I was going to play the video, but I thought the waitress in the video could have worn a little bit more clothing. I wouldn't want to get any emails, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I realized it's a beautiful song, but then he hasn't even said, "Hello," to the woman, but he's ready to marry her.

I thought, "That really shows a societal problem we have. We do not take marriage seriously enough." People make commitments to people they really don't know. Let me give you an example of that. In our society today, we take dating more seriously than we take marriage. I'm looking at my daughter when I say this.

Let me give you an example of that. I know some of y'all are going to be upset. This is just my opinion and observation, so if I upset you, remember it's just the pastor's opinion and observation, okay? When did we start treating asking someone to the prom like we're asking them to marry us? When did that start happening…where it's almost as if we're proposing to them?

Whatever happened to, "Hey, will you go to the prom with me?" "Sure." I think it's really indicative of our society. We're taking dating way too seriously, and we're not taking marriage seriously enough. The couple who is in this love song in God's Word, the Song of Solomon, is taking the relationship seriously. In fact, they're in love, and they have every intention to get married, but they're not rushing the relationship.

You could say there is an element of courtship. I started watching the Duggars with my DVR. They have the right idea. I think we're going to take the Duggars' plan, the whole courtship thing, for my girls. It's really a biblical idea. That's what we have in these first three chapters: a couple who are intending to get married, but during this time they're getting to know each other.

We've watched how they take pleasure and delight in each other, who the other person is. They are expressing value, worth, to one another. They're building one another up with creative compliments. More importantly, even though at times they're expressing the intimate desire for one another… In fact, at this point it's really the woman, and my wife pointed this out. My wife had the wonderful privilege of sitting under Tommy Nelson.

He was doing a sermon series while he was her pastor, and in that series he correctly pointed out that in the first three chapters, it is the woman expressing her desire to be with the man intimately. They get married, and guess who's expressing after that? Not the woman; it's the man. You'll see that in the text. She has been expressing her desire to be with her man, but they understand there is a right place and a right time, and they control their God-given passions for the sake of purity and, ultimately, for the glory of God.

In our passage today, they're just days away from getting married. The wedding takes place in verses 6-11 of chapter 3, then the honeymoon takes place in chapter 4, and then consummation takes place in verse 1 of chapter 5. I don't know how I'm going to preach that. I may just skip right over the honeymoon and let you fill in the blanks. How's that? Yeah. You just have your own blanks, okay?

I want you to see something from this couple, because in my opinion, there are really two decisions you'll make in life that are important. First, and this is the most important decision you'll make in life, is the decision to follow Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. No doubt about it, that is the most important decision anybody will make.

The second most important decision a person will make (and that's why I say our society doesn't take this seriously enough) is in regard to the person they want to spend the rest of their life with in marriage. You can almost look at these verses as them courting each other and getting to know each other. They have every intention to get married, but until you say, "I do," there is always time to get out of that relationship. Let's look at what characterizes this relationship before they say, "I do."

1. True love communicates through actions and deeds. We see the man's actions in verses 8-9. This is the voice of the woman, but notice how she describes her man. She says, "The voice of my beloved!" When you're in love, you can always tell the difference between your lover's voice and other voices. She says, "Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice."

Now what we see here on her part is anticipation. She's in tune with her man. In fact, I think they're both in tune with each other, because at this point they're getting to know each other. They're very transparent, and they're sharing their background. They're sharing some of the things they've experienced in life, and they're very open about what they have experienced in life.

So she's in tune with her lover, she anticipates his actions, and she knows from his actions that he loves her. His actions communicate love. You see, actions speak louder than words, right? Notice the excitement on the part of the man. She hears his voice, and then she says, "Oh, there he is, leaping over the mountains!" That's excitement! He can't wait to get to her house.

"I can't wait to see my woman!" He's not ashamed. You see, his actions say he loves her, he appreciates her, and he has affection for her. His actions say he wants to be with her and he wants to get to know her better. I remember when Christy and I first started dating. She lived in Denton, Texas, and I lived in Dallas.

We didn't have texting back then. I didn't even have a cell phone until 1998. Yeah. My daughter was born, and then we got a cell phone. We didn't have texting. When we got married, we got email. We had Juno. Does anybody remember Juno? Remember dial-up? Yeah. Boy, have we come a long way. Praise God. We didn't have social media. We couldn't Snapchat (and I don't think you should anyway), so we got on the phone.

I remember nights of just staying on the phone, and I can't remember if she fell asleep or if I fell asleep, but there would be nights when we would talk and talk and talk. Then, of course, we wanted to talk to each other during the day. We wanted to hear each other's voice. Now she can't even get me to stay in the kitchen. "You stay in the kitchen and listen to me, okay?"

We were in love, and we wanted to get to know each other. That's what's happening here. I want you to see the greatest exhibition of his love for his woman. How did she know that he loved her? Look at verse 9. "My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice."

He's at her house, and he's not a Peeping Tom. He is showing respect and restraint for his girl. You see, he doesn't want to go outside of the will of God in this relationship. He doesn't want to move ahead too fast, because he wants to show restraint, and that's what she has been doing as well. She has been making that oath, "Do not awaken love before its time."

So he's at her house, but he's showing respect because he wants her to know, "You're more than just a toy for me. I respect you, and I'm going to show restraint." Ladies, listen. If you're with a guy right now who shows you no respect or no restraint, don't think that's going to change when you say, "I do." It won't happen.

Actions always speak louder than words, and his actions communicated to her that he loved her and was proud of her. He did all he could to be around her, to get to know her. So he communicates love through action. Both of them also communicate with their words. Verse 10: "My beloved speaks and says to me…" Now she's quoting an invitation that he has given her.

"Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely."

Man, he had a way with words, but what you see here is him communicating…not only with his actions, but with his words. These verses are filled with praise. They are praising one another. They are passionate for one another. Notice that throughout the whole book she has been calling him "my beloved," but she does so five times in this passage. In verse 8, she says, "The voice of my beloved!" 

Again in verse 9, "My beloved…" Again in verse 10, "My beloved…" Then you go down to verse 16: "My beloved…" This is the woman speaking of her man, the one who she loves. She called him "my beloved." Again in verse 17, "…my beloved…" These are terms of endearment. She loves this man, so there is praise in her words for this man, and he does the same thing she does.

In verse 10, he says, "Arise, my love, my beautiful one…" Guys, that would get you some points every morning. "Arise, my love, my beautiful one. Here's your coffee. Here's your breakfast." He does it again. In verses 13-14, he says, "Arise, my love, my beautiful one… O my dove…" What you see here are their words. They're building each other up. They have terms of endearment.

It's like, "Hey, honey," or, "Hey, babe." You know, something like we do today, but, "Hey, my beloved," or "Hey, my beautiful one." So there is praise. There is also passion. I mean, in verses 11-13, he's inviting the woman. He says, "Look, spring. The winter is gone. It's springtime. Let's get out onto the countryside," because he wants to spend time with her…not intimately, but emotionally, just to get to know her better.

Verse 11: "…for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come…" It's springtime. There were a couple of days last week when it just felt good, right? It was great. The flowers are blooming. It wasn't too muggy, like it is today. They were perfect days, and I felt like a dog. I wanted to roll down my window and just stick my head out while I was driving. I envy dogs sometimes when they do that, especially when they have big smiles on their faces.

I thought, "What does springtime speak of? Freshness and new life." That's what we see here in this relationship. They are in love, and there is a freshness and new life about their relationship. Now we're all thinking, "Yeah, that's because they're not married yet." That is true to some degree.

I remember we had family members who were kissing each other all the time before they got married. They used to say, "Why aren't y'all kissing each other all the time?" "Well, you'll get married, and you'll see why." They got married, and they don't kiss each other all the time like they used to.

There is a freshness and newness to their love, and then in verse 14 he says, "O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face…" He is saying, "I want to be with you. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you." We see the communication of love in actions and in words.

True love communicates, because actions speak louder than words. If you think you can change that person after the fact, that's most likely not going to happen. Actions speak louder than words, and words reveal what's in the heart. True love will communicate love and care through actions and concerns. It reminds me of a story that Norman Wright told many years ago.

It came from the Reader's Digest. It was about a man named Johnny Lingo. He lived on this island in the South Pacific. He had a great reputation on the island. People respected him. He was smart, but when he chose his wife, everybody was really shocked and in disbelief. You see, the tradition on that island was that when a man wanted to marry a woman, he had to go and give cows to the father of the woman.

So if she was a good woman, you'd give four to six cows, so a four- to six-cow woman was a good woman. Well, Johnny gave eight cows for his woman, and the reason people were in disbelief was because she wasn't an eight-cow woman. She wasn't even a four- to six-cow woman. She was skinny. She was plain. Her shoulders and back were hunched over. She kept her head down, so people were thinking, "Man, his father-in-law stuck it to him."

People couldn't understand why you would give eight cows for a woman who is not even worth four to six cows. Well, time passed, and they were still in disbelief, but not because he paid eight cows; all of a sudden, this eight-cow woman became an eight-cow woman. She was no longer shy. She was beautiful and confident now. Everybody saw this transformation, so they asked Johnny Lingo, "What has happened to your wife?"

He said, "Well, I wanted an eight-cow wife, so I paid eight cows, and I started treating her with love and communicating my love through actions and words, and guess what. Now I have an eight-cow wife." Listen, if you want an eight-cow spouse, you need to communicate through your actions. Some of you are thinking, "Well, I'm married, and my husband is not even a four-cow husband."

Listen. I have found out that if you think your husband is a four-cow husband, he'll live up to that every time. You think your wife is a four-cow wife? She'll live up to your expectations every time. But when you start to communicate your love through your actions and through your words, a power about that exists that can actually transform a person's life. If you're not married yet, you're about to get married, or you are married, you want to make sure you are communicating your love through your actions and your words.

2. True love is conscientious about the pitfalls and obstacles that challenge relationships. Now we come to verse 15, and it was probably a popular proverb during that time. It says, "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom." The vineyard there is their relationship. They are in love, and it's in blossom, but they realize every relationship has these little foxes.

There are pitfalls and obstacles. There are dangers and troubles that every relationship faces, especially marriage relationships. They understand that. They're not wearing these rose-colored glasses. They understand that every relationship is going to face its pitfalls and dangers, so they say, "Catch those little foxes."

You see, it was normal for foxes to get into the vineyards, and they would dig at the root for bugs, and sometimes they would kill the vine or they would eat the grapes. What the couple is saying is this. "We have something good here, but we need to realize every relationship will have its pitfalls. Every relationship will have obstacles to challenge."

When I marry a couple, we do premarital counseling, and I usually have them take a test. What this test does is expose and show them the relationship strengths and possible growth areas. We cover all kinds of areas: role responsibilities, sexual expectations, parenting expectations, in-laws and family stuff, their personalities, how they relate to each other…all kinds of areas.

The reason I have them take this test is that I want them to realize, "Listen, you're planning a wedding, but I'm preparing you for the marriage. What takes place after you say, 'I do,' is that there are going to be pitfalls, and there are going to be obstacles in your relationship." I want them to be prepared for those challenges.

That's what the lovers are doing in this passage. They're conscientious of these pitfalls, and they're aware that every relationship… You see, when two people come together, you have two sinners. Whenever you get two sinners in the same room, you're going to have a problem. I have a problem with just myself, and I'm a sinner. I have a problem with myself, let alone another person I get into a relationship with. You're going to have pitfalls and dangers.

These pitfalls and dangers can destroy your relationship or they can become agents for growth, and for that to happen there needs to be commitment. There needs to be commitment to grow with one another through the challenges, and she expresses that commitment in verse 16. She says, "My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains."

She uses covenantal language, and she says, "We belong together." That's language we see throughout the Scriptures. God declares through this whole unfolding plan of redemption… You see this throughout the Bible. God says, "I will be their God, and they will be my people." There is a commitment that God makes to us, his people.

"I will always be with them. I will never leave them. My love will never fail them." Likewise, in a marriage relationship, in a covenant relationship, there needs to be that commitment that says, "You know what? We belong together. He is mine," or "She is mine, and I am hers." There is a sense of belonging. That's the commitment that's needed. "We're going to grow through these pitfalls, and we're going to grow through these obstacles."

Christy and I met in Bible college. In fact, the place where we really started sensing that we belonged to each other was in a class called The Dynamics of Family and Marriage. It was a great class, and we were talking about Christian marriage and family because it was part of the curriculum. As you're in the ministry, you need to know how you're going to communicate Christian values and be a counselor.

We were told to break up into these small groups, so we all got into these small groups, and we were supposed to share our backgrounds with one another. We went around to each person, and we got to Christy, and she shared her background, and we have very similar backgrounds in terms of family. There were multiple divorces in our families. When she told her background, I said this.

I looked her in the eye, and I said, "We have a lot in common," and she just melted in her chair. (I think she said, "You had me at hello." Maybe I was at a movie. Maybe that was a movie I was watching.) But she will tell you it clicked, and from that moment on we watched God really give us that sense that we belonged together.

Now we're 19 years into this. We still belong together, and it's that commitment that says, "You know what? We're going to face pitfalls. We're going to face obstacles, but we're going to grow through these." That's the person you want to marry, the one who says, "You know what? I'm committed to this. I'm committed to grow with you through these pitfalls and obstacles."

That's who you want to be as a husband or wife, one who says, "I'm committed to you." Here's another commitment I want you to see in this passage. It's really a commitment to God, a commitment to God that you will become the right person as you wait for the right person and time. Now we come into chapter 3, and we find the woman in a dream. She says:

"On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not. The watchmen found me as they went about in the city. 'Have you seen him whom my soul loves?'"

Verse 4: "Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me." She loves this man. She's having a dream about him. She wants to spend the rest of her life with him, and yes, she wants to be with him intimately, but she understands she has to wait for the right time.

That's what verse 5 is about. Verse 5 is her making an oath and declaring that she is going to wait for the right time. She has already found the right person, because they're about to get married, but now she's waiting for the right time, and the right time to express her desire to be with him intimately and to consummate that relationship is next week. You might want to be here for that.

Listen to verse 5. They have already done this in verse 7 of chapter 2. "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." She's saying, "Wait on God. Don't take things into your own hands. Wait for God. Wait for the right person. Don't look at your relationship the same way the world does. Allow the Scriptures to form and control you, and allow God to be in first place in your relationship."

She is saying, "Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Don't do it." She's putting it under God's timetable. What I have found is, especially if you're not married and you're trying to find that right person, it's more important that you become the right person than you find the right person. Let me tell you why. Let me give you an example.

I have an acquaintance. She lives in Texas, and she's five years older than me, which means she's almost 50, and I hate saying that. She has had relationship after relationship after relationship, and she says, "I just can't find the right man." I said, "Because you're not the right person. You're so focused on finding the right man that you're not allowing the gospel to change or transform your life. You want the right man? Good. But you ought to become the right person so you can attract the right man. That means you need to fall in love with Jesus."

I told her, "You need to put Jesus first in your life. Stop making finding a man or finding a woman your god, because whatever controls you is your god. Instead, allow the gospel to transform you, and become this godly person who loves Jesus, and I guarantee that if you will focus on Jesus, serve Jesus at his time, he will bring the right person." That's what the woman is saying in this passage. "I'm waiting for the right person. I'm waiting for the right time. I'm giving my life to God."

She is, in essence, saying, "I'm going to be the right person so I can get the right person." This really speaks to us…not only those of us who are not in a relationship, but to husbands and wives, because when you say, "I do," you enter into a covenant relationship with your spouse, and those vows are what dictate that relationship.

Sometimes we get so frustrated in our marriages because that person we married is not the right person, or so we think. But have you ever thought about whether or not you're the right person? See, the one person you can change in a marriage relationship is yourself, and you can allow the gospel to transform you. It's amazing how when you become the right person, you can influence the people around you to do the same.

Become the right person. Allow the gospel to change you from the inside out on a daily basis. The gospel is all about life change. It's about allowing God to make you more like Jesus. It's about allowing the grace of God to come into your life and to teach you how to walk in grace. Many of us are in bondage, and we really don't understand grace.

I don't even fully understand grace. I find, time and time again, that I have a lot of legalism in my life. I'm still trying to learn how to walk in the power of grace and in the power of the gospel. I'm still trying to allow God to make me the right person because when I stand before God and I stand before Christ, he's not going to say, "Well, was Christy the right person?" He's going to say, "Patrick, were you the right person in your marriage?" He's going to hold me accountable for myself.

Let's bow our heads and our hearts. I want to speak first and foremost to young people, people in relationships who may be contemplating marriage. This last point really speaks to everyone here. We ought to become the right person, period, by committing our lives to God, committing our lives to Christ every day, and allowing the fruit of the Spirit and the gospel to transform us from the inside out.

That's God's ultimate goal for every one of us who have trusted Jesus Christ, that we'll be conformed to the image of Jesus. I challenge every one of you here today, but especially those who are anticipating being in a marriage relationship one day, that this is the time for you to commit yourself to Christ and to allow him to make you more like him on a daily basis. You become the right person as you wait for the right person and the right time.

I want to challenge husbands and wives this morning, because so many times we get into our marriage relationships, and we let the years pass, and we let these little foxes come into our relationships, and they begin to destroy our marriages, our families. I want to speak to you, husband. I want to speak to you, wife. Allow Jesus to make you the right person.

For husbands, that means you love your wife as Christ loved the church. He gave his life for the church. He laid down his life for the church. He gave up his rights for the church, and yes, husbands, I am saying that to you. He calls us to do the same thing for our wives, to sacrifice our lives for our wives, to give up our own interests for their interests, to look out for them before we look out for ourselves.

Wives, he calls you to submit yourselves to your husbands as you submit yourselves to the Lord. Allow the gospel to change you. Allow the gospel to make you the right person, and you begin to love that three-cow husband with the love of Jesus Christ, and you begin to express the love of Christ to that husband, and you begin to express the love of Christ in your actions and your words, and you watch. Maybe by the power of God you could influence him to become all God has called him to be as a husband.

I want to challenge husbands and wives today. Listen, if you have little foxes in your relationship that are challenging your relationship, don't put it off. Go to a counselor. I've been to a counselor for every problem in the world, and I'm not ashamed to tell you, and I'm not ashamed to tell you God has given counselors so we could help. Do not let those foxes destroy your marriage.

Find help. And husband, lead your wife. Lead your wife to that counselor. You be the spiritual leader. Young people, take marriage seriously, and don't take dating as seriously as you do. Wait for that right person, and as you wait, become that right person. Love Jesus. The most attractive person in my regard is a person who loves Jesus more than life. Become that person.

Some of you here this morning can't become the right person until you trust Jesus as your Lord and Savior. God is speaking to you right now. You know who you are. You've never committed your life to Christ. You've never turned from your sin and placed your faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Today is the day of salvation. Give your life to Jesus.

Father, I want to thank you for this young man, a young man who was invited to come to church last Wednesday, came this morning, and now is ready to give his life to you. Thank you, Lord, for that. Father, I also want to pray for marriages that are here. All of us face pitfalls, obstacles, dangers, and troubles. I pray that we would be committed as husbands and wives, first and foremost to the gospel, to you, and committed to living out the gospel in our marriages.

I want to pray for those who have gone through some hard times in their relationships, and some have even experienced divorce, God. I thank you for grace, and I want to pray, God, that you minister to them this morning. Just pour out your love. I just claim this promise that you work all things for the good of those who are called by God, who love you and are called by God. Encourage them this morning. Father, thank you for this time. Be glorified. In Jesus' name, amen.

I Think I'm in Love – Part 2

I Think I'm in Love – Part 2

Song of Solomon 1:4-6, 9-17; 2:1-7

The Song of Solomon is in the Bible, and it is the Word of God. It is about marriage. It's God's gift to us, marriage and love and romance and intimacy. It is in the Scriptures. It is in the Word of God, because God created intimacy. He created romance and love. It's the fall that has perverted all these things God has created. Remember when God created everything he said it was good. When he created man and woman, he said it's very good. Then he says it's not good that man be alone, so he created Adam and Eve. So all of this is from God. It's God's gift to us.

The Song of Solomon is an idyllic picture of the relationship between husband and wife, man and woman, in the context of a covenant relationship. It's an intimidating book. It's also a very difficult book. There are different interpretations. There are those who believe the couple is already married when the book starts. I can understand that. Then there are those who hold to the view they're in the process. They're in love, then they get married in the middle of the book, and everything after the middle of the book is life after the wedding.

At this time I hold to that view, so that means as we study this and we look at the first three chapters, it's pre-marriage. It's a couple that is in love, and they're anticipating getting married. I said this last week. The first unit of thought starts in verse 2 of chapter 1 and ends in verse 7 of chapter 2. In that unit of thought you have anticipation.

They're anticipating the wedding, and they're anticipating life beyond the wedding, especially the woman. The woman is the most expressive in this book. I just read last week they didn't allow little Hebrew boys to read this book because of some of the explicit language the woman expresses. She's expressing her desire for her man, and there's this anticipation to be with her man, to make a home with her man. It's about true romance, about true love.

Last week we noticed true love delights in and takes pleasure in one another. The first four verses start off with her expressing her desire just to lay a good passionate kiss on her man. She wants to kiss him, and there's a desire for her to be intimate with her fiancé, because they anticipate getting married. That is not the root of their relationship.

The root of the relationship is they delight and take pleasure in who the other person is, their character and their spirituality. If you root a relationship in the physical, that will destroy your relationship over time. So they are taking pleasure and delight in who they are, the character, the spirituality. He loves the Lord.

Then we noticed how true love will conquer insecurities so you can give yourself to one another. In verses 5 through 8, she's very open and honest about her insecurities, her fears, her self-doubts. She expresses those, but she also expresses the fact that she's able to overcome those insecurities. Insecurities, and we all have them, will wreak havoc on a relationship, so you have to learn to accept yourself before you can give yourself away. She was doing that. She was conquering her insecurities.

We continue with the love song today, and we see true love that is God-honoring, that is glorifying to God, is what this book is about. It's interesting that the Song of Solomon is like the book of Esther in that it does not mention God. You won't find the name of God in the Song of Solomon. You don't find it in Esther either, but you know God is at work.

Even so, the book is written with the assumption that what takes place in this relationship between man and woman, husband and wife, is in the context of and in accordance with God's will, which is a relationship that glorifies God. Everything you see happening here is in the context of a relationship that is honoring to God and glorifying to God.

1. What we see is a God-honoring relationship expresses value and worth to one another. As Christians, if you think about it, we should be spokespeople for communicating value and worth to all people, because all people are created in the image of God. That means every person, all life, has value, and all life has worth. We should be the speakers and those who speak forth value and worth for all people.

When it comes to the marriage relationship, when it comes to a relationship where you have two people in love, expressing value and worth to one another is crucial, and we see this with the man and woman. Pick up the story in verse 9. We see the man's voice in verse 9. Guys, I do not recommend you use this as a compliment to your wife.

He says, "I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots." Believe it or not, this is actually a compliment, because the chariots of Pharaoh were pulled by beautiful, elegant, strong stallions, and he is basically saying to his woman, "You are beautiful. You are elegant." He's expressing her value and her worth. "You're everything."

Some have suggested he's also saying… I'm going to use vernacular our young people understand. He is basically saying, "Baby, you are hot, and you're driving all the men crazy." It wasn't uncommon for an enemy to take a mare in heat, and what they would do is let that mare in heat loose so the stallions that were pulling the chariots would go crazy. That was a way of attacking the enemy. He's basically saying the same thing to her. "You are hot. You're driving all the guys crazy." He speaks value and worth with his words.

He also shows value and worth by giving gifts. Look at verse 10. He says, "Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments…" It's not that the ornaments are lovely but that she brings out the beauty. The ornaments are bringing out the beauty of her cheeks. Her neck… We see the beauty with the strings of jewels.

So we have the chorus speak up in verse 11, and they say, "We will make for you ornaments of gold, studded with silver." They're saying, "Here. Give her a gift. Express her value. Express her worth. Give her a gift." That's one way you can express value and worth to another person. Give them gifts. Of course, that's not the only way.

Most of you are familiar with Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages. How many of you are familiar with that? If you're not, you don't even have to read the book. You can go online. You can actually understand and find out what your love language is, not only for adults, but they have it for children so, parents, you can understand the love languages of your children.

In his book he identifies five love languages. He identifies them as, first of all, words of affirmation, a person who wants affirmative words. You build them up with your words. That's how you can love them best. Then there's receiving gifts. For people who have that love language, the best thing you can do is give them a gift. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be a big gift. Just give them a gift, and you show them their value and worth.

Then there are acts of service. After acts of service there's quality time. Some people just want you to spend time with them, and that's really what matters. Then the last one is physical touch. Usually, you can tell. The really touchy people are people who have that love language. Usually, they express their love language in the same way, either acts of service or physical touch or quality time.

One of the best things you can do when it comes to expressing value and worth is understanding your mate's love language. It took me several years. I would say early on in our marriage and early on in my ministry it would be words of affirmation because I was such a people person and a people pleaser I wanted words of affirmation, but that can only go so far because sometimes people aren't going to give you words of affirmation. God had to break me of that. I think over the years my dominant love language would be acts of service.

It took me several years to really understand Christy because she's so complicated. No, she's… It took me years to really understand her and maybe some struggles in our marriage, and probably just recently I realized the best way I can communicate value and worth to her is through acts of service. When I clean the kitchen, that's like giving her a dozen roses. Right? And it's cheaper too.

One of these days… She's just waiting for me to start doing the laundry. That would be like giving her a diamond ring. One of these days… I'm going to wait for those girls to get out of the house and take their clothes with them. Oh my goodness, if I start doing it, they'll only have about five pairs of clothes, but anyway…

That's the way you can express it. He's expressing her value, and he's expressing her worth. She reciprocates. Look in verse 12. "While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance," talking about her perfume. What's she's saying is, "My perfume is for him and him alone. I really don't care what the other people think. What really matters is he likes how I smell." So she's expressing his value and worth.

Listen to this next verse. Don't get caught up with what it says. "My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh that lies between my breasts." Get past that word breasts, and there is some good meaning here. She's basically saying, "I hold him close to my heart. I cherish him." Then she goes, "My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi." This is her man.

In fact, she uses a term of endearment for him. Twice she calls him king. She says in verse 12, "While the king was on his couch…" Back in verse 4, she says, "Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers." Some suggest that's the title. Solomon would become a king, but I believe it's a term of endearment.

She's calling him king, and here's why: he treats her like a queen. She says, "I hold you dear to my heart. I dream about you." Women don't dream about guys who treat them with no respect. They dream about guys who treat them like a queen, and that's what she's saying. They're communicating value. They're communicating worth. I think it's interesting because we all have insecurities, and one of the things we can do as couples and as spouses in the married couples is…

2. We can help our mates with their own insecurities. Guys, one of the greatest areas women struggle with is in their appearance, because that's what she was talking about back in verse 6. When she said in verse 5, "I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon," she was expressing her value. She was expressing her own worth because she was able to overcome her insecurities.

Then she expresses her own struggle, and it all ties with her appearance. She says, "Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!" She has this natural beauty about herself, but she acknowledges this is an area where she struggles. Guys, this is one of the areas we can really help our women, help our wives, feel good about themselves, and here's how.

A. Do it with your actions. You say, "What do you mean?" This is destructive across the board, but it's especially destructive to your wife. Get rid of any pornography in your life, because when you look at pornography, when you… We'll take it down just below hard-core pornography, even soft pornography. Soft pornography is all over the television. Do you know that?

We have underwear commercials. We have Victoria's Secret commercials. At 9:00 you can watch a special with these ladies walking around in lingerie. What does it take to buy that stuff? Do you really need all that stuff? Listen, guys. How you view women in front of your wife can really communicate and devalue your wife's worth and value.

At my house… I don't do it just with my daughters. I made a covenant. I have to overcome… Guys, this is an area… We're very visual. I have three daughters at my home. If I'm watching TV with them, if one of those commercials comes on, I either pause it and we'll wait until it's over and we'll get through it, or…

I'm not watching it. I don't want my daughters and I don't want my wife seeing me going, "Oh boy, she's hot. Woo-hoo!" because I care about them. I care about how they think of themselves. I want them to feel value. I want them to feel worth. How dad and how a husband responds is a big key. So dads, husbands, express value and worth with your actions and with your eyes.

B. True love and true romance builds up one another with creative compliments. We have this back-and-forth going here, and now the man speaks up again in verse 15. He says, "Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves." Rabbinic tradition believed when you talked about the beauty of a person's eye you talked about the beauty of their personality, their soul. He's saying, "Your beauty is way beyond skin deep. You are beautiful from the inside out."

Have you heard of the old saying, "Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone"? Beauty can also be to the bone. What he's saying is it's beyond just her physical appearance. He sees her personality. He's complimenting her on her soul, and she responds in verse 16. "Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful." She delights in him, and she's saying it to him. "I delight in you."

Then she says, "Our couch is green; the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are pine." Most likely this is in anticipation here. It could very well be they're out enjoying time together. People in love like to spend time together. I see some couples… The guy walks into the room, and the woman says, "Stop it." "What?" "Stop that inhaling and exhaling. Stop it. I don't want you breathing around me. Get out of here." Do you know what? When you're truly in love, you love to spend time together.

Most likely they're spending time together. They're out. They're lying on the grass, maybe having a picnic, maybe in public. But she's anticipating, "One day we're going to be married, and one day we're going to make a home together. I can't wait for that day when we commit ourselves to one another in a covenant relationship." So there's this anticipation on her part. You know it, guys. We love to hear it. I don't know about you. I love it when my wife says, "You're a stud." I say, "Honey, you're just expressing what everybody else is thinking."

The creative compliments continue. Notice what she says in verse 1. "I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys." We look at that, and we think, "Man, she's feeling pretty good about herself," but that's not what's happening here. Guys, she is fishing for a compliment. You know, "Hey, does this dress make me look skinny?" She's fishing for a compliment. Here's what happens. She's basically saying, "You know, I'm just an ordinary gal. I'm just like all the other flowers in the field."

He responds. He hits a home run. Verse 2: "As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women." He is saying, and let me paraphrase it, maybe modernize it, "When you walk in the room, baby, you're in color, and all the other ladies are in black and white." That's what he's saying. He hit a home run. He understood she was fishing for a compliment. He gave her a compliment. "There's none like you. All the others are thorns."

She responds in verse 3. "As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men." She's a rose among thorns, and he's an apple among all the other guys. Again, she's saying, "You're the stud. There's no man like you." They're complimenting each other creatively.

It says, "With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love." She is telling him, "Man, I am lovesick." Then she gets very expressive again about her desire to be with her man intimately.

She says in verse 6, "His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!" The world would look at this first passage and the anticipation, and especially where the woman is expressing her desire to be with her man intimately… The world says, "Why wait?" The world says, "Act upon those passions and desires," and the world does.

In fact, our flesh says the very same thing. "Why wait? Act upon those God-given desires," but she understands this relationship needs to be in the right context. It needs to take place and things need to happen at the right time with the right commitment. What she does is she takes an oath in verse 7. She's saying it to the daughters of Jerusalem, but in this oath she is basically saying, "I am not going to allow my passions, and they are God-given passions, to become an idol for me."

That's what happens, and that's what the world does. We turn our sexual passions into idols. We let them control us. Whatever controls you is an idol. The world says, "Let your passions go free." She says, "I am not going to do that. I'm not going to allow my passions to go free. I'm not going to allow relationships to become an idol." Even though she's expressing how she's in love with this man, she's sick in love, she understands you have to control your passions for the sake of purity and ultimately for the glory of God.

Notice verse 7. She says, "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." Though she's speaking to the daughters of Jerusalem, she's making an oath. She is saying true love waits for the right time and the right commitment. To act upon those passions, to act upon those desires God has given us and in the right time, is a committed, covenant relationship between a husband and a wife.

She acknowledges the way you keep your passions from becoming idols, the way you keep relationships from becoming idols, is by putting God first, and that's what she's doing. "I'm in love with this man, but I am more in love with Jesus. I'm more in love with the Lord." She puts it all into the context, and that is true of all of us. No matter where you are in life, anything can become an idol, and if we are not careful, we can allow those things to become our gods. What we have to do daily is to seek first his righteousness and his kingdom.

This passage speaks to us. It speaks to singles. Some of you might be single. Some of you maybe were married, and you're no longer married. Here's how it speaks to you. It speaks to you about priority. Don't make finding a husband or a wife your main goal. Don't think, "If I just had a husband or a wife, I would feel better about myself."

Listen. The only way you can really overcome insecurities is by the grace of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I encourage you if you're in that season of life don't make finding a husband or a wife your main goal. Seek Jesus. Seek his righteousness. Love him. Treasure him more than anything else in life.

As Christy's old pastor used to say to singles back in the 90s, "You love Jesus. You serve Jesus. You run the race, and you keep your eyes on Jesus. Every once in a while, you look to the left, or you look to the right. If you see somebody running the race with you, if you see somebody loving on Jesus and seeking Jesus and y'all get along, marry them."

That's what happened to us. She had to really convince me that was the right thing to do. (I'm kidding. I had to beg her, "Please marry me.") Singles, focus. Run the race. Serve the Lord and guess what? Don't awaken it. Don't try to make things work. At God's timing, if it is his will, you will find your mate.

Let me speak to students. Students, don't make priority finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Make priority loving Jesus. That's the best thing you can do. I tell that to my kids all the time. Love Jesus. Don't waste… Listen. You're young. You're not emotionally mature. We see this with all the different things that are happening, with our young people taking their lives. Do you know what that's connected to? Emotional immaturity and falling in love too soon, and it's not even love.

Focus on Jesus. Trust Jesus. Serve Jesus. Grow emotionally. Grow spiritually. Do the same thing as you're running. For my girls, by the time you're 30, that's when you start looking over. Look over when you're 30. Yeah, you can live at home the rest of your life. Sure. No, I'm just kidding. We have to get rid of some of that laundry. Don't make that your focus. Don't awaken love before it's time. Focus on Jesus.

For those of you who might be in a relationship and you're contemplating, "Well, is this the person?" if it's not, then don't waste your time. If it is, then here's what you do. You put Jesus first, and you don't awaken love before it's time. Make sure that relationship is not rooted in the physical but it's rooted in Jesus and it's rooted in who that person is, their character, their spirituality, their godliness. Do they love Jesus? That's all I pray for my kids, and if they really truly love Jesus and if they find a man who loves Jesus, that takes care of a lot of stuff, doesn't it?

Then for us who are married, do you know what? This ought to challenge us. First of all, we ought to be striving every day to put Jesus first in our marriage and in our families, praying together, spending time together with the Lord. Then, guys, I'm having to step up my game with this study. I'm kind of convicted. There's no reason why we can't fan into flame those passions and desires we once had.

I know what God is doing with me as I remember. This is my bride, and I love who she is. I love her character. I love her spirituality, and you need to do that too, husbands and wives. How many of you went home and did the one-minute passionate kiss last week? You're not going to admit it. Okay. Go home, do a passionate kiss with your wife, husbands, and fan into flame.

Think of ways you can compliment one another creatively. Think of ways you can express value and worth to your spouse. Wives, we like it. Call us kings, call us studs, but please, we really like it. Husbands, speak value and worth to your wives with your words and with your actions. The key to all of this, and I always bring it back to this, is we have a fallen nature, and that's the problem. That's why we have problems in relationships. The only way we can overcome that fallen nature is with Jesus. It always brings us back to the gospel.

I performed a wedding last night, and they did a covenant marriage. I love doing those, because I asked them to commit to it. When you do a covenant marriage, you're saying, "We're in this till death," so the only way out is you're going to have to kill each other. In a covenant relationship and in a marriage, and this is what a Christian marriage is, it's about you giving of yourself. It's living out the gospel for your mate. Y'all become one.

Here's what Jesus did for us. He put aside all of his interests, he put aside all of his rights, and he gave himself for us. Right? That's what it means to live out the gospel in your marriage. Husbands, you give yourself to your wife in spite of your own interests, in spite of what it costs you. Wives, you do the same in spite of your own interests, in spite of what it will cost you. That's the gospel, and we need that. All of us need that, every one of us, because we all have a fallen nature.

Let's bow our heads and close our eyes. You're here this morning. All of us have a fallen nature. Every one of us has insecurities. Every one of us has fears and self-doubts. We all act them out in different ways, but the only way you can overcome those insecurities and fears is through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You're here this morning. I want you to know Jesus can make you whole. Jesus can heal you. Jesus can deliver you. Turn from your sin and place your faith in him today.

You're here this morning, and maybe you're in a relationship and you know it's not God-honoring and unhealthy. God is a God of second chances. Do you know that? Come to him in repentance. He'll forgive you. Start afresh today in that relationship. Maybe you're here this morning, and you're in a marriage and you don't have anything good to say about your spouse. The gospel can change your heart. You may not be able to change your spouse, but you can allow the gospel to change you and make you more like Jesus.

In a moment we're going to sing about needing God. If you need Christ as your Lord and Savior today, you just walk down the aisle, grab me by the hand, and say, "Pastor, I need Christ." If you need prayer, I would love to pray with you today. All of us go through struggles. Nobody is perfect. All of us fall, and that's why we need grace.

Father, have your way. Speak to our hearts now as we respond to you. In Jesus' name, amen.

Grace Invasion

Invading Grace

Genesis 37:1-11

Introduction:

Over the past two years, the story of Joseph has been on my mind. Mainly because of what I have been experiencing in my personal life.  During this two year period, I have of often wondered what God was doing.  I have many disappointments and hurts that have plagued me, and discouragement and depression have been my companions.  How does the story of Joseph fit into my experience?

Joseph’s story reveals the power and providence of God, not by grand miracles, or extraordinary divine interventions, but by the sovereign work of God in everyday details of life.  Sin and suffering characterize the narrative of Joseph, but in the midst it all, God’s grace is evident. 

When looking at the story of Joseph, it is alluring to use it as a means of living a godly life.  It’s full of principles for living the good life, or shall I say the God life.  Joseph’s life reveals how to overcome envy, face adversity, resist sexual temptations, forgive those who wrong, and many other lessons.  Though Joseph is the impetus of the story, his father, Jacob is still the dominant character. 

The chapter begins as such, “Jacob lived in the land of his father’s sojournings, in the land of Canaan.  These are the generations of Jacob” (Genesis 37:1-2).  The subsequent verses and chapters are prominent with Joseph, but still include the rest of Jacob’s sons as well. 

Ultimately, however, the story of Joseph and the rest of Jacob’s sons is about God working grace out in the lives of those he has chosen.   The Joseph story is about  God’s grace transforming Jacob’s sons into worthy covenant partners.  The story begins with hatred and jealousy between brothers and ends with them loving one another, a tremendous work of Grace, unparalleled grace. 

Grace is at work in all of our lives, believers, and unbelievers, whether we recognize it, or not.  For the unbeliever, there is common grace, but for the believer, grace moves beyond the common to something special, effectual, and unconditional; a grace that is unparalleled in human history.  What’s incredible about God’s unparalleled grace is how it invades the messiness of life. 

1.       Grace invades the messiness of life

Within these first eleven verses you will find the hidden depths of sin, but as the story unfolds, the sin comes to the surface.  It safe to say that Jacob’s family is dysfunctional, as is every family that is under the bondage of sin.   The messiness of Jacob’s family reveals three things.

First, we find the messiness spiritual pride or self-righteousness.  Verse 2, “These are the generations of Jacob.  Joseph being seventeen years old, was pasturing the flock with his brothers. He was a boy with sons of Bilhah and Zilpah, his father’s wives. And Joseph brought a bad report of them to their father.”  Because there is no overt criticism of Joseph’s sin, many scholars have portrayed Joseph almost without sin.  However, that is a failure of understanding what kind of report he brought back to his father.  

The Hebrew word for “bad” can also translate “evil.”  In almost every other context you find the word used it has the meaning of “evil,” or “untrue.”  Now, the report that Joseph gave his father was probably true to some degree but filled with exaggerations and half truths.   Consumed with spiritual pride, you become blind to your sin and only see the sin in others.  Believe it or not, Joseph is on an evil path.  He’s becoming arrogant, and possibly even a mean and cruel person.  Joseph is becoming a “good-boy sinner.” 

Second, we find the messiness ungodly favoritism.  Notice verse 3, “Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons because he was the son of his old age. And he made him a robe of many colors.”   Sadly, Jacob loved Joseph more than his other sons.  Of all people, you would think that Jacob would not show that type of favoritism as a father.  For he, himself, grew up desperately deprived of his Father’s love.  Isaac overtly loved Esau more than he loved Jacob.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. 

Jacob gave Joseph a robe of many colors.  The robe symbolized love lavished on Joseph, a love kept from the other sons.  Some how, Joseph became an idol in Jacob’s life.  Joseph became the central source of joy and love in Jacob’s life, and as a result, it poisoned the whole family. 

Third, we find the messiness of hate and jealousy.  Notice who the brothers responded to Joseph.  In verse 4, “they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him.” Verse 8, “So they hated him even more for his dreams and his words.” Verse 11, “And his brothers were jealous of him.”  Yep, one big mess of sin.  But let’s face it, all of us are one big mess of sin. 

Good news! It is in the messiness of sin where grace becomes unparalleled.  Most preachers want to moralize the stories of the Bible as a way for us to live godly lives.  You know, five steps to having your best life now, or three keys to a great marriage.  However, the purpose of the stories throughout the Bible is, primarily, to show how God’s grace invades our sinfulness and brokenness,  which we can't overcome otherwise.  That’s the good news! That’s the gospel! 

One look at the passage and you might say, “Where is God in all of this mess?” or “Where is Grace?”  God is at work behind the scenes, so to speak, working out his great plan.  For the dreams that Joseph had were from God, grace invasions, assuring God’s people the destiny for their lives.  Grace assures destiny for life. 

2.       Grace assures the destiny for life

Joseph has two dreams, “Now Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more. He said to them, “Hear this dream that I have dreamed: Behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and behold, my sheaf arose and stood upright. And behold, your sheaves gathered around it and bowed down to my sheaf.” His brothers said to him, “Are you indeed to reign over us? Or are you indeed to rule over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words. Then he dreamed another dream and told it to his brothers and said, “Behold, I have dreamed another dream. Behold, the sun, the moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” But when he told it to his father and his brothers, his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall I and your mother and your brothers indeed come to bow ourselves to the ground before you?” And his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the saying in mind.

The dreams reveal God’s grace invasion.  God is at work.  God is calling a sinful man to become a leader for his people.  If you look closely, you find no mention of God.  God never speaks, but he is working, grace is working.  The two dreams, in essence, predict the end of the story, and one that ends well.  The reason for two dreams is important.  Two dreams reveal that what is going to happen is firmly decided by God, and God will do it.  In other words, God is assuring the destiny of his people, the advancement of his kingdom.    Furthermore, the dreams reveal the destiny of the whole family.  God will fulfill that which he has promised.  You can take it to the bank. 

Not only is God assuring the destiny of his people, but he reveals he will radically fulfill it.  You have to put these two dreams in historical context to realize the radical nature of God’s plan.  In both of the dreams, the older brothers, and the parents are all bowing down to Joseph.  This bowing down goes against the basic social structure of the day. 

The society of Jacob and Joseph was extremely hierarchical and patriarchal.  The younger always bow to the parents, and to the older, especially the oldest.  The oldest son was the one who got the inheritance, and therefore, the younger bow to the oldest. But these dreams turn this social structure upside down.  These dreams are radically socially subversive. 

What God is saying in these dreams is that he is going to fulfill his plan by doing what society says is impossible.  He is going to bring transformation to his people is the way that goes against social norms.  In other words, God’s destiny will be carried out in a way that is counter to what society says is possible. 

Grace assures God’s people of their future glory.  Everything may be screaming impossible, but God says he will do it. He works out his destiny and plans even when it seems that all his hopeless.  Grace invades our messy lives, and assures us, in our mess, that God’s destiny and dream for his people will come to pass.  And assurance is what God’s people need because grace attracts opposition to life. 

3.       Grace attracts opposition to life

Grace and sin are at work in these verses and the subsequent verses.  Grace is the backdrop of the tangled web of sin that we see in these verses.  Pride from the ideal son, hatred, bitterness, and jealousy from the bad-boy sons, and misplaced favoritism from dad are at the forefront on the canvas of God’s unparalleled grace.  The grace invasion given through divine dreams assures God’s plan, but it’s not without opposition. 

The morass of human sin opposes the work of Grace.  First, we have the pride of Joseph, that, if unchecked, would keep the great plan of God from moving forward.  Somehow, in his sovereignty, God uses his sin to bring about his plan, for his pride would set the scene for rejection.  Second, we have the bitterness of the brothers that hate Joseph with a passion. Again, God will use their bitterness to fulfill his destiny for his children. 

In our own lives, as God fulfills his destiny for our lives, we will face opposition from sin.  If you are like me, most of the complications I have come from my sin. I constantly have to battle pride and self-righteousness.  Many times, I am like Joseph’s brothers, and I reject the plan that God has for me simply because it goes against the norm, or it’s not done the way I want it done.  

Good news! In spite of the opposition to grace, God sustains us through it all in Christ.  Following Christ and allowing grace to work in your life does not mean that life will get easier.  It assures you a complicated life, but a life that is abundant and fulfilled in Christ Jesus.  

I Think I'm in Love

I Think I'm in Love
Song of Solomon 1:1-7

 I have a confession to make, and I'm probably going to lose my man card, but hey, it's all about transparency, right?  I do not watch ESPN, at least not enough to say I do. It has nothing to do with the fact that I have all females in my house. I just don't watch sports very much. Of course, if you're a Cowboys fan, who wants to watch it? I've given up on watching them. They make me mad. If you were to look at my life and measure my life, I watch more Hallmark movies than I do sporting events. Yeah, I know. Some of the men have just checked out. "He watches Hallmark movies."

I love Hallmark movies. I have them all down too, because most of them are like this: Man and woman fall in love, and then there's something that threatens their love, but love wins, and they always end up together at the end. I can watch those over and over again. My girls are looking at me. "Amen." They're telling me, "Dad, do we have to watch a Hallmark movie?" "Yeah, we do."

Every year I have to watch The Christmas Card. Anybody with me there, ladies? Come on. Any men want to dare? Any men want to come out with me? I love that movie. Christmas is not Christmas unless I watch The Christmas Card. It's a beautiful, beautiful movie. I can watch them over and over again. God loves a good love story. If you think about it, the very nature of the triune God is love.

God is love, and within the Godhead, there is perfect love demonstrated and experienced between God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Then, of course, there's that wonderful love story in the Bible between Holy God and sinful humanity, best described with this verse: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that those who believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life." What a beautiful, beautiful love story.

But don't forget about the love story God creates between man and woman. We have that in Genesis, chapters 1-2. Adam and Eve is actually a love story, much like a Hallmark movie. They were created by God to have fellowship with God, but they were also created to have perfect love, mutual love and affection for one another. Of course, like a good Hallmark movie, something threatens that.

Disobedience comes and the fall, and what happens after that? There is disaster between God and man. That relationship is now destroyed because of sin, and not only our vertical relationships with God, but now our relationships with other people and our relationships between men and women. All of that is tainted by sin. Fortunately, the story of relationship between God and man does not have to have a terrible ending if you give your life to the saving work of Jesus Christ.

Now even though we have fallen (and we are fallen; we're tainted by sin, and it hinders our relationships), by the grace of God, men and women can have relationships that glorify God, can have a marriage that glorifies God. In fact, God dedicates a whole book of the Bible, believe it or not, to the relationship between a man and a woman before marriage and then within marriage. That's what we're going to be doing. We're going to be spending the next several weeks looking at the picture of what I would consider an ideal relationship.

It's not history, and we have to remember that. This is Wisdom Literature, by the way. We read in verse 1, "The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's." King Solomon wrote this. Many scholars believe he wrote the book of Ecclesiastes toward the end of his life, and we studied that. He came to a point where he realized he had turned his back on God, and he turns back to God. Ecclesiastes is him saying, "Listen, you're only going to find happiness in God."

Then scholars believe Proverbs was written mid-life. He had enough wisdom to write. Then they believe Song of Solomon was written at a very young age, just before he decided he would have over 700 wives and concubines. Yeah, Solomon was this guy who did not take his own advice. Early on, he had this ideal relationship between a man and a woman.

We need to understand it's not an allegory. Some of you may have heard this taught before as an allegory. It's really not an allegory. It's not an allegory of how Christ loves the church, because I'm here to tell you this is a fairly intimate and sensual book, and I don't know if I want my relationship with Christ to be represented in some of the sensuality he uses. It's not an allegory. It's not a drama. It's not a hymn. It's not history. It is a love song that uses poetic lyrics, and it's describing the ideal relationship between a man and a woman, a husband and a wife.

Dr. Danny Akin says the Song of Solomon goes back to the past, but it also goes to the future. It goes back to the past because it takes us all the way back to Genesis, chapters 1-2, where God created man and woman. They would become husband and wife, and they were to live this relationship together, become one flesh. Well, Song of Solomon is a commentary to that relationship. So it takes us back to the past.

It also takes us to the future found in the New Testament, because it points to that picture of marriage we find in Ephesians, chapter 5, verses 22-33, where it says the marriage of man and woman is a picture of the relationship Christ has with his church. So Ephesians becomes the blueprint for Christian marriage. Now it is a very sensual book. It speaks of sexual intimacy within a marriage relationship.

I know some of you are going, "Oh." These young people are going, "Yeah! Did he say sensual? Did he say intimacy?" Oh, you're going to love this book. You really are…maybe. All of us…I don't care who you are…need to understand what this book says for at least two reasons. First, we live in a sexually-charged and sexually-deviant culture, and we the church need to be able to speak into this culture God's plan for marriage, God's plan for sexuality, and God's plan for romance. He actually has a plan. In fact, he has given us a whole book of how it all works out.

The second reason we need to understand what it says is that marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ, the church's relationship with Christ, and likewise his relationship with us. As we study this and as we bring the gospel into it, it ought to draw us near to Christ when we realize what he has done so we can have a personal relationship with him.

I don't know how valid this is, but some believe the book of Proverbs was written to little Hebrew boys, and they taught that to them in the home, and the Song of Solomon was written to little Hebrew girls. I don't know if there's any validity to that, but I will say the woman is doing most of the singing. But that's nothing unusual. They're singing and talking all the time.

Fifty-six percent is the woman singing. Thirty-six percent is the man. Then you have this small little chorus. They sing about six percent of the time. The book is a chronological progression of a relationship. When we start this book, we're not going to watch… Like in a Hallmark movie we watch two people fall in love. They're already in love, and let me tell you, it's hot and it's heavy.

What we're going to see is how they relate to one another before the wedding, and then you get to the middle of the book and they have the wedding, and then how they relate to one another after. We call that "the marriage." Every time I do marriage counseling I say, "You're getting ready for the wedding; I'm preparing you for the marriage, life after the wedding."

This first section really starts from verse 2 of chapter 1 and goes to verse 7. There's so much stuff in there I had to do it in two parts. I've titled it I Think I'm in Love, because this man and this woman are truly in love, but they're not married. What we're going to do is glean into their relationship and see what true love and true romance looks like. Not only does it apply to those who are in a relationship outside of marriage; it applies to single people, it applies to anyone who speaks to a culture that needs to know God's plan, and it speaks to marriages.

1. True love constantly finds delight and pleasure in one another. The woman begins the song. She starts singing in verse 2, and it's full of delight. It's full of passion. It's full of pleasure. Here's what she says, the very first lyric: "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!" Doesn't that sound good? Some of you are going, "No, that's gross." The world loves to put the physical first, and that's why we as believers need to make sure we are renewing our minds constantly.

The world says, "Yeah!" The world always puts the physical as the most important thing in a relationship. If you think about it, physical attraction, because that's what she's talking about here… And it's not just a little, "Oh, give me a little kiss on the lips." She wants to lay a big one on him, like maybe even over a minute. That's passionate. (That's a good way to measure your relationship, husbands and wives. Are you kissing for a minute still? If you're not, go home and time yourself. Get back into practice.)

She is physically attracted. Physical attraction doesn't take work; it just happens. You don't have to work at it. You just see and go, "Wow." They always say, "Wow, he's hot" or "He's a hunk." A hunk of what I don't know, but he's a hunk. They don't say "hunk" anymore. That was my days. Remember the 80s? The hunks? Yeah.

She's not basing her attraction and the goal of her relationship… Young people, listen to this. Her goal isn't to lay a big kiss on her man. No, that's the result. That's the desire she has because he loves her. It says here, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!" Why? "For your love is better than wine…" What a description.

I read through the Bible every year, and my wife always knows when I'm reading through the Song of Solomon, because all through the time I'm reading, I'm flirting with her. I always text her little emojis with a verse. So hey, husbands, you want to flirt with your wife? There are some really good verses in the Song of Solomon.

She is saying, "His love for me intoxicates me. It's like wine." The Hebrew word there for love is somewhat ambiguous, but it is used in other places where it talks about the sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife. So is this woman actually saying and expressing her desire for intimacy with her man? I say yes, and I say it because of what she says in verse 4. She says, "Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers."

Now we have to put this into the context of covenant relationship. What she is saying is, "Man, I can't wait till that wedding night." And that man is going, "Yeah! I'm right there with you." That's what she's saying. "I cannot wait to consummate this relationship." She's actually expressing her physical desire, sexual desire, for her man. She's in love with her man because of his affection for her.

Then she goes on to express a little bit more about her physical attraction. She says, "…your anointing oils are fragrant…" Back then, taking a bath was few and far between. It's not like us getting up… Sometimes I'll take one or two showers a day. I'll take a shower, go mow the yard, and take another shower. I like showers.

But during that time, what the guys would do for hygiene is they would get this oil that smelled good. If they really cared about themselves and wanted to have good hygiene, they would put this cologne on them. What she is saying is, "You smell good. You cover the stink well." That's what she's saying. "You're going out of your way to make yourself attractive."

Every time I read that verse, I think of camp with all of these little sixth graders and seventh graders who think, "I'm not going to take a bath the whole camp. I'm going to be sweaty, and I'm just going to cover it up with all this cologne." Yeah, we say, "Gross," but back then they said, "Woo-hoo, you smell good. You're covering up the stink well." So she's attracted to him physically. There's physical attraction.

There's a good lesson for us here, because he's taking effort, guys, to make himself attractive to the woman, and that's a good lesson for all of us. Ladies, if the barn needs painting, paint it. Do whatever you need to do within reason to make yourself attractive. Guys, comb your hair, take a shower, brush your teeth, and iron your clothes. When I met Christy, on our first date my clothes were all wrinkled. I had no clue until she told me. I always wore my clothes that way.

Husbands and wives, we get married and think, "Well, I'm married; I don't have to keep myself up." Well yes, you do. You have to. You have to do what you can to keep yourself attractive for one another. So there's physical attraction here, but don't be mistaken. Her relationship and even her desire for physical activity with her man is not the root of this relationship.

This is the biblical principle we're going to learn from these verses: physical activity cannot be the root of a relationship, because you will destroy true delight and true pleasure in one another. Even though, yes, she's attracted to him physically and, yes, she wants to have physical activity with him on that wedding night, what really attracts her is the type of person he is.

She says, "Your anointing oils are fragrant. You smell good. But your name…" Here's the most important aspect of what attracts her to this man. "Your name…" That speaks of his character. "Your character, your integrity, your virtue that flows from a relationship with God. You're a godly man. You're a hot godly man who smells good." That's what she's saying. "You have character. You have spirituality. You love the Lord, and that's what attracts me to you."

She loves him for who he is, not what he looks like. In fact, she says, "Your good character and your godly character, everybody knows it. Even the virgins love you." What that means is they're waiting in line. "Listen, if it doesn't work out between you two, I want him." He is a good catch. He loves the Lord. He smells good. Oh, and he looks good too. She's attracted to him.

When we delight and take pleasure in one another, it can't be rooted in the physical. It can't be. We must delight and take pleasure in who that person is, and that's what she is doing. Really, you destroy true love and true romance when you delight in the physical more than you delight in the spiritual and the character aspect of it. You destroy true love, and you destroy a relationship. When a man and woman get married, they intend to stay together. "We're going to live and grow old together."

Here's the problem. If you root your delight and pleasure in the physical… Listen to this, young people. Y'all need to hear this, because one of these days you're going to get married, and one of these days you're going to grow old, and you know what? There are all kinds of things that can affect your physical appearance. You know, health. I have a disease. Y'all didn't know this. Well, yes you did. I'm going to identify it for you. It's called the "furniture disease." Does anybody else have that? It's where your chest drops down into your drawers.

Yeah, things change when you get older. Your physical appearance changes. Diseases can come along. If your relationship is rooted in the physical, I'm here to tell you it will not last. When you grow old together, you want to grow old together because you delight and take pleasure in each other, who you are, who you are as a person who loves the Lord. What we see here is a woman who delights and takes pleasure in this man, not because of his physical appearance, but because of who he is.

C.J. Mahaney… I encourage husbands and wives to read it, and even people thinking about getting married. It's a real catchy title to the book. It's called Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God. It's based upon the Song of Solomon. He said to husbands, in order for true love to deepen, you must touch the heart and soul of your wife before you touch her body. That's what's happening here. He has touched her heart and soul, and now she says, "I can't wait until you touch my body on the wedding night."

Let me just say this. Young people, you're in relationships, and men, boys, you touch heart and mind before you touch the body, and you don't touch that body until you make a commitment and say, "I do." That's how God designed it. Especially if you're dating my kid. Husbands, you know that physical activity you desire? Well, prior to that is you touching the heart and mind of your wife throughout the day. She's a crockpot; you're a microwave. Remember that.

You start touching that heart and mind early in the morning, and maybe by the time you get home it'll be ready. Maybe. So true love constantly finds delight and pleasure in one another, in who you are. Physical activity is part of it, but it is not the root of a relationship. We see that with this man and this woman. Remember, they're not married, but there is that sexual desire.

By the way, sexual desire is not evil. Do you know that? God is pro-sex. You know why? Because God created it. In fact, what God has done is he has made man and woman to become husband and wife. Within that relationship, he has given them sexual desire, to have intimacy with one another. That's how God made us. Sexual desire is actually a gift from God. Where it becomes sinful is when we act upon that sexual desire outside of the marriage covenant.

Like premarital sex. That's sinful behavior, when you act upon that sexual desire outside of the marriage covenant. Or when you're in a marriage covenant and you decide to act upon that sexual desire with someone other than your spouse. That's sinful. Or when you act upon that sexual desire with someone of the same sex. That is sinful sexual desire. But God gave us that desire.

2. For true love to be maintained, you must conquer insecurities so you can give yourself to one another. This woman in her song is transparent. She's open about her fears, her insecurities, and her self-doubts, and she expresses them. Verse 5: "I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!"

All of us have insecurities, because we're fallen people, and she's expressing some of hers. Where she says, "Do not gaze at me because I am dark…" In that culture, a tan… We all go to the tanning salon. We want to look good, because tan is attractive. In that culture, having a tan wasn't attractive. Light skin was attractive. If you were light-skinned you were seen as attractive, because that meant you were indoors all day, which probably meant you were from wealth.

So you have these girls… Y'all know how girls are. They're making fun of her. "Oh, look at her. She's not wearing any makeup. Look at her hair." She has this natural beauty about herself, and there could be some jealousy that they have to go put on all this stuff and she still looks good. I don't know. But they're making fun of her. Then, of course, her brothers were mad at her, and they made her go out to the vineyard and work, and that's why she's so tan.

Then she says, "But my own vineyard…" She's not talking about a literal vineyard; she's talking about her femininity. She says, "I don't have time like you gals. I don't have time to put makeup on and fix my hair." She's acknowledging some insecurities and fears and self-doubts, but I want you to see how she overcomes it. She actually accepts her natural beauty. She says, "I am very dark, but lovely."

The world is telling her, "Look, you don't have beauty like these ladies do, like the daughters of Jerusalem." She says, "That's okay. I don't need the world to give me my worth. I don't need the world to give me my value." In fact, she goes on and celebrates it. She says, "My darkness is lovely like the tents of Kedar." The tents of Kedar were made out of very expensive material. She is saying, "I have value. I'm lovely because I have value."

Then she talks about her worth. She talks about the curtains of Solomon, which means she says, "I'm worthy to go into the presence of kings." Do you see what she's doing here? She has self-acceptance. The world might be telling her, "You don't look that good," but she says, "That's okay; I'm lovely. I have value, and I have worth." That is true self-acceptance.

We need to be very careful, because sometimes what we call self-acceptance or self-confidence is really false self-acceptance. Here's how you differentiate between false self-acceptance, where you don't accept yourself but it looks like self-acceptance, and true self-acceptance: False self-acceptance is desperate and wild; true self-acceptance is focused and self-controlled.

I want you to see how her self-acceptance worked out into the relationship she had with her man. Go down to verse 7. She says, "Tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon; for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions?" "Tell me where you're going to be. I don't want to go down there and be like those ladies who veil themselves."

What she's talking about are ladies who sold their bodies. She said, "I don't want to go out and hang around all of your companions and all of these guys. I don't want them to think I'm out there giving myself to anyone or anybody." She didn't want that. In fact, she said, "I don't want anybody to think for a moment that I find my value in other relationships, that I have to go from man to man to find self-worth."

What we call false self-acceptance are those who say, "Okay, I have to have a boyfriend. I have to have a girlfriend." We think, "Wow, they have real self-confidence." No, they probably don't. It's probably a sign they're looking for value and self-worth, and they have to find it in another person and what that other person says.

I see this with young ladies all the time. Young men too. We call them "boy crazy," but is that maybe a sign you have to find self-worth and self-acceptance in having a boyfriend or a girlfriend? That's not a good sign. Parents, it's not okay. It is not okay that your teenagers are going from boyfriend to boyfriend. That's probably a sign they're struggling with insecurities, which we all have. As a parent, you need to help them through that.

Are they desperate and wild, or are they focused and self-controlled? Focused and self-controlled says, "You know what? I'll wait. I value myself. I find worth in who I am. It doesn't matter whether I have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. It doesn't matter if I'm in a relationship, because I'm lovely in spite of what the world says. I'm okay in spite of what the world says. I have value. I don't care what all of the popular people are saying. I don't care what this group is saying. I don't care, because I have value and worth and I'm lovely." That's what she's saying.

She's focused. She says, "Listen, I don't want to give the impression that I need people to give me value. I'm waiting for you. I'm self-controlled." Insecurities destroy relationships. It's true in marriages as well. We often say, "Marriage is 50/50." No, it's not. It's 100 and 100. You give 100 percent to your spouse, and your spouse gives 100 percent to you. Insecurities will hinder us in our ability to give ourselves to one another. Why? Because we're trying to find value and worth from them. We become these codependent people.

What you should be doing as a spouse is saying, "You know what? I want to make sure my wife or my husband finds their value and worth and knows that, no matter what, they are valuable and worthy." So how do we overcome the insecurities? See, how we view ourselves affects all of our relationships. Not just the marriage relationship, but all of our relationships are hindered by how we view ourselves.

How do we overcome them? First of all, we know God created everyone. Every human has value. Every human has worth because every human is created in the image of God. Everyone has value. Everyone has worth. Secondly, we need to understand that though we are created in the image of God, we are tainted by sin and we have insecurities. Therefore, we need God to help us with those insecurities.

How does he do that? He does it through Christ. That's why the gospel is so important to be the foundation of your life. As believers, we find our security not in what people think about us; we find it only in Jesus Christ. He's our security. It doesn't matter what the world says. What really matters is what Jesus says, and Jesus says, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

The Scripture says that if you're in Christ Jesus, God has a wonderful plan for you. The world may hate you and the world may say you have no value, but you're valuable, because in Christ you're being conformed into the image of Christ on a daily basis. You're valuable and you have worth because of Jesus Christ. Nothing can separate you from the love of God. That is so crucial to relationships and overcoming those insecurities. Knowing who we are in Christ.

The truth of the matter is all of us need security, no matter who you are, and that security is found only in Jesus Christ. All of us are broken. All of us are tainted. All of us have insecurities and fears and self-doubts. True security is only found in the person and work of Jesus Christ. That's it. That's why we always come back to the gospel.

This book will bring us back to the gospel, because this is the picture of an idyllic relationship between a man and a woman, and the only way you can have that idyllic relationship after the fall is through the saving work of Jesus Christ. You find value and you find worth in him and in him alone.